iliforn: 

ional 

ility 


IP 


m 

3 


o 

to 


'lilll)irWii?rii^*r'Mi^f'^'^rn?*N,piEGo 


3  1822  016  3  2466 


CENTRAL  UNIVERSITY  LIBRARY 

University  of  California,  San  Diego 

DATE  DUE 

-   2  812S4 

AUG  ?  7  1993 

a  39 

UCSD  Libr. 

PUBLISHED     BY 

The*  Dr^vmatic  Publ-ishing  Companty 

CHARLES    H  SER.GGL.    .    PRESIDENT 


Practical  Instructions  for 
Private  Theatricals 

ByW.  D.EMERSON 

Author  of  *'A   Country  Bomance,"  "The  Unknown  Eival," 
"Humble  Pie,"  etc. 


Prices  25  cents 


Here  is  a  practical  hand-book,  describing  in  detail  all  the 
accessories,  properties,  scenes  and  apparatus  necessary  for  an 
amateur  production.  In  addition  to  the  descriptions  in  words, 
everything  is  clearly  shown  in  the  numerous  pictures,  more 
than  one  hundred  being  inserted  in  the  book.  Ko  such  useful 
book  has  ever  been  offered  to  the  amateur  players  of  any 
country, 

CONTENTS 

Chapter  I.    Introductory  Remarks. 

Chapter  II.  Stage,  How  to  Make,  etc.  In  drawing-rooms 
or  parlors,  with  sliding  or  hinged  doors.  In  a  single  large 
room.     The  Curtain;    how  to  attach  it,  and  raise  it,  etc. 

Chapter  III.  Arrangement  of  Scenery.  How  to  hang  it. 
Drapery,  tormentors,  wings,  borders,  drops. 

Chapter  IV.  Box  Scenes.  Center  door  pieces,  plain  wings, 
door  wings,  return  pieces,  etc. 

Chapter  V.  How  to  Light  the  Stage.  Oil,  gas  and  electric 
light.  Footlights,  Sidelights,  Eeflectors.  How  to  darken  the 
stage,  etc. 

Chapter  VI.  Stage  Effects.  Wind,  Kain,  Thunder,  Break- 
ing Glass,  Falling  Buildings,  Snow,  Water,  Waves,  Cascades, 
Passing  Trains,  Lightning,  Chimes,  Sound  of  Uors"  '  Uoofa, 
Shots. 

Chapter  VII.    Scene  Painting, 

Chapter  VIII.     A  Word  -to  the  Property  Man. 

Chapter  IX.     To  the  Stage  Manager. 

Chapter  X.    The  Business  Manager. 

Address  Orders  to 
THE  DRAMATIC  PUBLISHING  COMPANIf 

CHICAGO,  ILLINOIS 


2^ 


T 


i^^Tl^ 


DIVORCONS 

(LET'S  GET  A  DIVORCE) 

A  COMEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS 


TRANSLATED   FROM   THE   FRENCH  OF 

VICTORIEN  SARDOU  and  EMII.E  DE  NAJAC 


CHICAGO  AND  NEW  YORK 

THE  DRAMATIC  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


PERSONS  OF  THE  PLAY. 

Henri  des  Prunelles,  a  rich  property  owner, 
aged  40  to  45  years. 

Adhemar  de  Gratignan,  a  government  forester, 
aged  25  to  30  years.)  i£>i^\y'\  1 

Clavignac,  aged  40  to  45  years.-[rifiJ^oy  Phjuncllx^ 

Bafourdin.     -I ;  1  (  "-  V    cV  Cu«JcwrNb 

Jamarot,  a  police  officer. 

Bastien,  a  man-servant. 

Joseph,  a  waiter. 

Cyprienne,  wife  of  Des  Prunelles,  25  years. 

Madame  de  Brionne,  a  young  widow. 

Madame  de  Valfontaine, 

Mademoiselle  de  Lusignan,  an  old  maid. 

JosEPHA,  a  lady's  maid. 

Two  waiters,  a  janitor,  two  policemen. 

Scene — Rheims,  France.     Time— the  present. 


Copyright,  1909, ^feV  'd'H^'D^AMATic  PuKLiHtfij^c'CoMPANY. 


All  persons  'are  forbidden  to  produce  tliis  play  without 
the  written  permission  of  the  publish(>rs.  The  fee  for  each 
amateur   performance   is    five  <lollars,   payable    in   advance. 


<LS<»^ 


v-^ 


A  .' 


DIVORCONS. 


Scene: — ^  sma// 'sai(^>, ,  v^ry 'McgdAfl  At^i^p^r/crt 
half  conservatory.  The  entire  right  side  looking 
toward  the  grounds  is  glazed  and  filled  with  climb' 
ing  plants.  In  the  extreme  foreground  ;  right,  a 
door  opening  into  the  garden.  Right  center,  a 
window  with  practicable  shade.  It  is  raised  at 
the  beginning  of  the  act,  as  well  as  the  green 

Venetian  lattices,  whose  purpose  is  to  protect  the 
room  from  the  heat  of  the  sun.  At  left  front, 
entrance  to  Cyprienne's  apartment.  Left  center, 
mantelpiece.  Entrance  to  th4  dining-room  L.  u.  e. 
Left  rear,  large  entrance  with  curtains,  per- 
mitting a  view  of  a  very  elegant  vestibule  which 
leads  on  the  left  to  the  house-door  (not  visible)  and 
on  the  right  to  Des  Prunelles'  study.  Carved 
wooden  staircase  going  up  to  the  second  floor. 
At  right  of  this  entrance,  which  occupies  the 
greater  part  of  the  rear,  another  door  to  Des 
Prunelles'  study,  opening  upon  the  stage. 
Everywhere,  in  the  vestibule  as  in  the  conserv- 
atory are  pictures,  cut  glass  vases,  draperies  of 
all  sorts,  objects  of  art,  faience,  Chinese  lanterns, 

etc.  Elegant  furniture  of  various  designs  and 
styles.  Ferns,  flowers,  potted  palms,  small  foun- 
tain, etc.  An  oval  table  i7i  center  stage,  a  little 
to  the  left.  At  the  left  of  the  table  an  arm-chair. 
3 


V 


4  DIVORgONS. 

Small  chair  between  the  table  and  the  arm-chair. 
Behind  the  table,  facing  the  audience,  a  large 
couch.  At  the  right  of  the  table  a  S7nall  chair, 
and  a  little  further  to  the  right  a  '•'■pouf^''  (large 
tabaret  for  two  or  more  persons).  Under  the 
table  a  seat  without  back.  At  right  front  a 
large  arm-chair  placed  against  the  wall.  Beyond 
the  Of  m-'chair  ci' small  chair.  In  front  of  the 
window  a  small  table.  At  right  of  this  table,  be- 
tTteen-ihe)wiKdo/n  a\id:th'e  'door,  a  work-table. 
A  thdir  between  -the  lai'ge" entrance  and  the  door 
at  its  right.  Upon  the  table  in  ce?iter  stage,  an 
ink-well,  a  blotting-case,  a  summoning-bell,  a  copy 
of  the  French  code,  books  and  pamphlets  on 
divorce,  open,  annotated  a?id  dog-eared.  On  the 
small  table  in  front  of  the  window,  a  coffee-cup 
and  a  platter  with  liqueurs.  On  the  work-table 
a  work-basket.  On  the  mantelpiece  a  clock  and  a 
coffee  cup.  As  the  curtain  rises,  Josepha  is  dis- 
covered standing,  leaning  against  the  table,  a  little 
toward  the  right;  she  is  reading  a  book  that 
treats  of  divorce.  Bastien  enters  by  the  large 
entrance,  followed  by  a  messenger  who  is  carrying 
a  package  of  books  wrapped  up  and  bound  with 
string,  upon  which  is  the  folded  bill. 

Joseph  A.     [  Without  taking  her  eyes  off  the  book."] 

Bast.  Here's  the  messenger  from  the  bookstore 
with  the  package  of  books  for  Madame. 

Jos.     Place  it  there,  on  the  table. 

Bast.  [^Taking  the  package  from  the  messenger's 
hands  and  placing  it  on  the  table  in  the  middle.']  Is 
there  no  answer  to  go  back  ? 

Jos.  Wait.  \^Taking  the  bill,  unfolding  and  read- 
ing it.l     "  The  Divorce  Question." — "  On  Divorce." 


DIVORgONS.  5 

— "  Divorce."—"  In  Behalf  of  Divorce."    No ;  it's 
all  right.      \_Puts  the  bill  in  her pockef.'\ 

Bast.  \_To  the  messenger.']  It's  all  right.  \^Exit 
messenger.  Bastien  seats  himself  in  the  chair  behind 
the  sofa  and  leaning  upon  the  latter  gazes  at  Josepha.] 

Jos.  [  Undoing  the  package  of  books."]  What  are 
you  doing  there,  Mister  ? 

Bast.     I  am  contemplating  you,  Josepha — with  v 
lovel 

Jos.  I  understand  that ;  but  you'd  do  better  to 
take  away  the  coffee  things.  It's  three  o'clock 
already,  and  this  is  Madame's  day. 

Bast.  [^Going  up  stage?^  That's  another  idea  of 
theirs,  to  have  coffee  served  in  this  little  parlor 
instead  of  taking  it  at  the  dinner  table,  in  order  to 
simplify  service.  Where  have  they  gone  and  hidden 
their  cups  this  time. 

Jos.  [  Seating  herself  on  the  poiif  and  skimming 
over  one  of  the  books  in  the  package?^  Madame's  cup, 
on  the  mantelpiece,  at  the  right;  Monsieur's  cup, 
at  the  left,  on  the  little  table. 

Bast.     [  Going  to  the  little  table  in  front  of  the 
window. "^     I  see — Not  ver}' convenient  for  touching  v 
cups,  in  a  toast.     \_Pours  out  a  small  glass  of  liqueur 
for  hifnself  ] 

Jos.  \_Still readi?ig  the  book.]  If  master  should 
catch  you,  sir,  drinking  his  kummel 

Bast.  \^Pointing  to  the  door  at  the  rear.]  There's 
no  danger!  He's  there,  in  his  room,  taking  his 
afternoon  snore  and  making  billiard  balls  and  napkin 
rings — Don't  talk  to  me  about  him  ! — one  of  the 
richest  land-owners  in  Rheims  !  [^Drinking  down 
and  going  over  to  Josepha.]  You're  the  one  that's  / 
going  to  get  yourself  caught,  sticking  your  nose  into  v 
Madame's  books  1  , 

Jos.     Bah  I  She's  in  her  room,  as  he's  in  his  1      V 


6  DIVORgONS. 

I  Bast.     She — is  taking  a  snooze  too  ? 
V  •  Jos.     It's  quite  possible.  /  She's  bored  enough 

for  that. 
/     Bast.     I  believe  it,  with  such  a  husband,  always 

monkeying  with  his  locks,  his  clocks,  his  bells — 

fine  household ! 

[  Gogs  and  places  his  glass  on  the  little  table.  ] 

Jos.     \^Still reading.^     They're  all  like  that  I 

Bast.  [  Coining  down  to  a  position  near  her.  ]  Oh, 
Josepha,  not  ours  1 — If  you  would  only  have  me  for 
a  husband ! — We  would  be  touching  cups  all  the 
time,  we  would  never  be  snoozing  ! 

Jos.     Yes,  for  six  months,  and  then 

Bast.     A  year,  Josepha,  one  year  guaranteed ! 

Jos.     [  Turning  toward  him.  ]     And  afterward  ? 

Bast.     Afterward  ? 

Jos.     Yes. 

Bast.  [  Coming  down.  ]  Oh,  well,  jiminy,  after- 
ward, 
v  Jos.  \Rising.'\  There  you  are.  That's  the 
trouble  with  marriage.  It's  too  long,  all  that  fiddle- 
faddle.  People  ought  to  get  married  for  a  year, 
eighteen  months,  two  years  at  most,  and  then — 
change  hands  1  s 

^      Bast.     Oh,  Josepha,  that  is  the  ideal.     You  ask 
too  much. 

Jos.     They'll  come  to  that,  you  wait.      All  we 
Vneed  here  in  France  is  the  right  of  divorce!     Now 
listen  to  this  :    \_Reading.'\     "That  which  alienates 
so  many  people  from  the  idea  of  marriage  is  the  im- 
possibility of  getting  out  of  it  when  one  is  in." 

Bast.     That  hits  the  nail  square  on  the  head,  eh  ? 

Jos.     And  it's  true. 

Bast.     Who  is  it  that  says  that  ? 

Jos.     [^Looking  at  the  cover.']     It's  Monsieur  Didon 


DIVORgONS.  7 

— No,  it's  old  Naquet  I     \She  places  the  book  on  the     / 
tableJ]     Consequently,  until  the  new  law  of  divorce  is  v 
adopted,  don't  talk  marriage  to  me.     I  want  to  see 
a  way  to  get  out  of  it ! 

Bast.  Very  well, don't  let's  talk  marriage,  Josepha ! 
— Let's  talk  love ! — free  love ! — There  you  have  the 
beginning  and  the  end,  both  together  I  [He  makes 
a  'movement  to  embrace  her.  ] 

Jos.  [^Squirming  away^  You — you'll  quit  that, 
or  I'll  box  your  ears  1 

Bast.     Well,  people  do  such  things  I 

Jos.  Sh !  Somebody's  peeping  through  the 
window  ! 

Bast.     [^Lowering  his  voice.  ]     The  cousin  ? 

Jos.  Monsieur  Adhemar  ?  No  ;  he  wouldn't  risk 
it  at  this  hour.  [  Turning  toward  the  window,  where 
the  face  of  the  janitor  appears^  Take  care  1  It's 
the  janitor. 

Janitor.     [  Without?^     Monsieur  Bastien. 

Bast.  [Going  to  open  the  window.~\  Hey,  what 
are  you  doing  there,  you,  instead  of  coming  in 
through  the  door  as  you  should  ? 

Jan.  [Sticking  his  head  in  through  the  window. '\ 
Won't  open.  Monsieur  Bastien. 

Bast.     The  garden  door  ? 

Jan.     It  won't  open. 

Bast.     [Going  to  the  door  at  right  and  trying  to     / 
open  //.]     It's  true  ! — locked.  ^ 

Jos.     That's  the  master's  work,  of  course. 

Bast.      [In  stage  whisper. ~\      Perhaps  he  has  a    / 
notion  the  cousin  comes  in  that  way. 

Jos.  Be  quiet,  you!  [Aloud,  to  janitor. ~\  What 
is  it  that  brings  you  here  ? 

Bast.     Yes,  what  is  it  that  brings  you  ? 

Jan.  [Passing  the  papers  through  the  window.'\ 
The  Paris  papers. 


8  DIVORgONS. 

[Bastien  hands  the  papers  to  Josepha.] 

Jos.     Ah  1     Very  well;  give  them  here — Madame 
has  been  waiting  for  them  long  enough — She  has 
asked  for  them  three  times. 
Bast.     And  Monsieur,  too. 
Jos.     All  right,  thanks. 

Bast.     \Closing  the  7uindow.'\     Yes,  that  will  do. 
.        Jos.     \_Ufifolding  one  of  the  papers,  without  de- 
^    straying  the  outer  band.  ]     What  can  there  be  in  these 
papers  that  interests  them  so  ? 

\She  goes  and  sits  down  in  the  sofa  at  left.'\ 

Bast.  {Coming  to  her.'\  Some  vitriol-throwing 
affair. 

Jos.     \_Seated  on  the  sofa."]     Let's  look  and  see. 

Bast.  \_Kneeiing  upon  the  chair,  above  Josepha 
and  leaning  over  her.^  Yes.  Let's  look  over  the 
news — sporting  page 

Jos.  I  beg  your  pardon — first  the  financial  news. 
English  consols — gone  up  }4  per  cent. 

Bast.  And  the  Hungary  wheat — what  is  it 
doing  ? 

Jos.     94,  95. 

Bast.     Great  1     And  the  races  ? 

Jos.  I  care  a  pile  for  the  races  I  \_Looking  at 
the  first  page  of  the  paper.  ]     Ah  I 

Bast.     What  ? 

Jos.     I  understand  now. 

Bast.     What  ? 

Jos.     Why  Madame  and  the  master  are  so  anxious 

to  see  the  papers.     \^Reading.'\     "  If,  as  is  believed, 

V   the  chamber   will  to-day  discuss  the  report  of  the 

Divorce  Commission,  a  debate  of  the  most  lively 

and  interesting  kind  can  be  expected." 

Bast.    Oh  1    Yes 


DIVORgONS.  9 

Jos.  Be  quiet,  will  you  ?  [Bastien  replaces  the 
chair  behind  the  sofa  and  comes  down  again,  taking  a 
position  at  Josepha's  left.  She  reads.'\  *'  In  all 
probability  the  vote " 

Des  Prunelles.  \_From  behind  the  door  at  back 
leading  to^is  room.']     Bastien  1 

Bast.  Sounds  like  suspicion  1 — Monsieur.  [Ife 
goes  up  stage.'] 

Jos.  [J?ising  quickly  and  arranging  all  the  papers.  ] 
Oh,  botheration! 

Bast.  \Taking  the  coffee  cup  from  the  mantelpiece^] 
Hide  them,  hide  them  I     We'll  read  the  whole  thing. 

Jos.  Yes.  \_She  conceals  the  papers  behind  her. 
Enter  Des  Prunelles.  ] 

Des  Pr.  [  Coming  out  of  his  study  by  the  door  that 
opens  on  the  scene.]     Bastien. 

Bast.     Yes,  sir. 

Des  Pr.     Haven't  the  Paris  papers  come  yet  ? 

Bast.  [  Going  to  take  the  cup  which  is  on  the  right 
side  of  the  stage.  ]     No,  sir. 

Des  Pr.     And  it  is  half-past  three  ? 

Bast.  If  you  want  me  to  go  and  look  in  the 
janitor's  rooms,  sir 

Des  Pr.  Yes,  do  so.  \^Exit  Bastien  left  rear 
carrying  the  platter  with  the  cups.  Aside.]  What 
are  they  sneaking  around  here  for,  I  wonder  ?  \_To 
JosEPHA,  bncsquely.]  What  are  you  doing  here, 
anyway  ? 

Jos.  \_In  front  of  the  mantelpiece,  pretending  to  be 
much  engrossed  with  the  condition  of  the  clock.]  The 
clock  is  stopped,  sir,  and  I  was  looking 

Des  Pr.  Keep  your  hands  off  it,  that's  my  affair  1 
Don't  you  know  that  I  don't  want  anyone  to  touch 
my  clocks  ? 

Jos.  And  the  bells  1  Since  this  morning  I  don't 
know  what's  got  into  them,  those  bells  1 


y 


lo  DIVORgONS. 

Des  Pr.  \^Suddenly.'\  Yes,  yes,  I  know.  They 
don't  ring.     Keep  your  hands  off  them  ! 

Jos.     Ah !     Monsieur  has  observed  ? 

Des  Pr.  Yes,  I'll  attend  to  that,  [.fi'jrz/' Joseph  a 
L.  2  E.  Bell  rings.']  Ah — fine,  a  visit — already! 
— for  Madame  1 

Bast.     \_Reappearing  with  a  card  upon  a  salver.] 
It  is  for  Monsieur. 
/      Des  Pr.     [^Taking  the  card.]     And  those  papers  ? 
"^      Bast.     Not  come  yet,  sir. 

Des  Pr.  \_Looking  at  the  card.]  Clavignac  1 
Tell  the  gentleman  to  come  in. 

^  [^jf// Bastien.     ^«/<?r  Clavignac] 

Des  Pr.  Well  I  What  in  the  name  of  wonder 
brings  him  to  Rheims  ? 

Clav.  [^ Gaily  coming  down.]  Well,  here  I  am, 
in  Rheims  I 

Des  Pr.  [  Grasping  his  hand.  ]  Why,  everybody 
thought  you  were  dead.  Where  the  devil  do  you 
come  from  ? 

Clav.      \_Putting  his   hat  on   the  tabU^     From 
Spain. 
^      Des  Pr.     Spain  ? 

Clav.     Took  a  walk. 

Des  Pr.      Lucky  man,  you  are  free,  you  are; 
^  you're  a  bachelor  again. 

Clav.  [  Taking  the  tabaret  from  under  the  table 
and  seating  himself.  ]     No  ;  merely  a  grass  widower. 

Des  Pr.  [^Moving  the pouf  a  little  to  the  left  and 
sitting  down  near  Clavignac]     It's  the  same  thing. 

Clav.  Oh,  no ;  not  by  a  long  shot.  My  wife 
still  finds  plenty  of  ways  to  get  me  crazy. — By  the 
way,  your  own  wife  is  well,  I  hope  ? 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  yes.  And  how  does  Madame 
Clavignac  contrive  to  make  you  crazy,  as  you  say  ? 


DIVORgONS.  IX 

Clav.  I  am  giving  her  alimony,  you  know.  And 
it's  not  fair!  For  the  compromising  situation  I 
found  her  in  shows  very  well  that  she  would  be  able 
to  get  along  without  me  ;  do  you  understand  ?  Well, 
anyway,  it's  settled,  so  let's  not  talk  any  more  about 
that.  I'm  paying  right  along — but  my  wife  finds 
the  alimony  too  small,  and  in  order  to  get  more 
money  she  cooked  up  a  ferocious  scheme.  When- 
ever I  take  up  my  abode  at  any  point,  inland 
watering-place,  seashore  resort,  winter  resort,  and 
such  places — she  comes  up  with  some  idiot  or  other 
— and  then  the  scandals — and  the  gossip  1  People 
look  at  me  with  a  grin,  the  local  papers  echo  the 
praises  of  the  lover,  go  over  the  old  lawsuit  again. 
That  annoys  me  beyond  measure,  of  course.  I  get 
someone  to  go  and  beg  her  to  get  out  of  town.  She 
says,  "  Oh,  quite  willingly  ;  but  first  he  must  pay 
my  moving  and  traveling  expenses,  my  hotel-bill, 
dressmakers'  bills,  and  so  on."  Then  comes  the 
note,  ten,  twelve  thousand  francs — I  pay  it.  She 
skips — and  the  trick  is  turned  1 

Des  Pr.     Then,  did  she  follow  you  into  Spain  ? 

Clav,  Oh,  no !  That's  where  I  worked  my  own 
little  game.  I  had  someone  go  and  tell  her — in 
confidence,  you  know — that  in  order  to  escape  her  I 
was  going  to  pass  the  winter  in  Algiers.  And 
probably  on  this  very  day  she  will  disembark  on 
the  shore  of  Africa  1     That's  my  revenge  I 

Des  Pr.     So  you  intend  to  stay  here — how  long  ? 

Clav.     Twenty-four  hours. 

Des  Pr.     No  longer  ? 

Clav.  No  ;  just  time  enough  to  get  the  rent- 
money  from  my  farms  and  fiat  properties  and  to 
take  certain  papers  to  my  lawyer. 

Des  Pr.     You've  got  a  lawsuit  ? 

Clav.     No  ;  but  the  divorce  bill  will  pass,  and 


12  DIVORgONS. 

you  can  readily  conceive  that  I'm  anxious  to  widen 
the  abyss  between  Madame  Clavignac  and  myself. 
Once  divorced,  she  can  be  as  much  of  a  she-devil  as 
she  pleases.  If  she  wants  me  to,  I'll  help  her. 
^  Des  Pr.  Then,  you  think  the  divorce  bill  will 
pass  ? 

Clav.     I  hope  so  at  least. 

Des  Pr.  If  one  only  knew  positively,  eh  ?  Will 
you  dine  with  me  ? 

Clav.     No  !     You're  going  to  dine  with  me  I 

Des  Pr.     What ! 

Clav.  This  morning,  when  we  ate  breakfast  at 
the  club,  Loisel,  Tarentin  and  I  made  up  a  party 
to  eat  to-night  at  the  cafd,  bachelor-fashion,  as  in 
the  good  old  days.  I'm  to  be  the  host  of  the  occa- 
sion. 

Des  Pr.     What,  I  ?     Now  ? 

Clav.  [Rising  and  taking  his  hat  off  the  table.'] 
Come  I  it  will  rejuvenate  you  I  I'm  leaving  you 
now  to  go  and  invite  the  ladies.  This  evening  at 
Dagneau's  place,  the  Grand  Vatel,  half-past  seven 
— is  it  all  right  ? 

Des  Pr.     (^Rising  and  passing   over  toward  the 
\l    left.']     It  isn't  all  right  at  all  1  / 1  can't  dine  with 
you. 

Clav.  \About  to  go  out,  steps  short.]  Oh,  come 
offl 

Des  Pr.     On  my  word  of  honor 

Clav.  You  aren't  going  to  try  to  make  me  gulp 
down  that  insult,  are  you  ? 

Des  Pr.     Honestly,  I  can't  be  with  you. 

Clav.  [Coming  down  a  little  way.]  Ah,  don't  be 
stubborn,  old  man  1  or  I'll  send  you  my  seconds. 

Des  Pr.     Very  well — it's  about  what  I'm  looking 
fori 
^      Clav.     What  ?  a  duel  ? 


DIVORgONS.  13 

Des  Pr.     Very  likely. 

Clav.     You  ? 

Des  Pr.     Yes,  I. 

Clav.     [Lowering  his  voice."]     And  on  account  of    ^ 

your 

Des  Pr.     Exactly. 

Clav.  [Coming  down  right.'\  Oh,  ho  I  But  if 
that's  the  case,  let's  be  serious,  and  tell  me  about 
it.     If  there's  anyone  who  understand  you — it's  I. 

Des  Pr.  [Placing  both  his  hands  on  Clavignac's 
shoulders  and  making  him  sit  down  on  the  pouf.  ] 
Ah,  my  fine  old  friend,  when  we  married  we  both 
did 

Clav.     A  fine  piece  of  business,  I'll  admit. 

Des  Pr.  [Seating  himself  on  the  tabaret^  But  as 
for  you,  you  deserved  your  fate. 

Clav.     Thanks. 

Des  Pr.  You  married  a  coquette,  to  whom  the 
boys  used  to  send  love  epistles  in  rubber  balls  over 
the  walls  of  the  convent  school.  And  she  answered 
them  1 

Clav.  And  you  didn't  tell  me  about  it,  before  I 
married  her  ? 

Des  Pr.     Be  just.     You  didn't  consult  me. 

Clav.     That's  true  1 

Des  Pr.  While  on  the  other  hand,  I  married  a 
modest  young  girl,  well  brought  up.  You  know  that 
better  than  anyone.  You  lived  in  her  house.  A 
little  lively  perhaps. 

Clav.  You  bet !  She  handed  out  boxes  on  the 
ear  to  all  her  maids. 

Des  Pr.     And  you  never  told  me  about  that  ?        v/ 

Clav.     Be  just.     You  didn't  ask  me. 

Des  Pr.  In  short,  all  things  promised  happiness, 
and  after  a  youth  that  was  a  little — ah — stormy — 
the  peace  that^I  so  well  deserved 


y 


14  DIVORgONS. 

Clav.     Instead  of  coming  into  port- 


J 


Des  Pr.  Ah,  my  dear  friend,,  it  is  the  open  sea 
with  all  its  tempests  1 

Clav.     Caused  by  what  ? 

Des  Pr.  Who  knows  ?  One  formula  sums  up 
everything — incompatibility  of  temper!  Madame 
wants  to  go  out,  Monsieur  would  stay  at  home.  One 
freezes  while  the  other  suffocates.  She  gets  up 
.  when  he  sleeps.  In  brief :  we  are  agreed  on  one 
^  point  only — the  necessity  of  separation.  You  can 
get  a  very  good  idea  of  the  state  of  my  household 
from  a  fable  of  Florian's,  "  The  Rabbit  and  the 
Duck  I  "  The  rabbit  and  the  duck  were  married. 
It  was  idiotic  i     But  what  can  you  do  ? 

Clav.     My  case  exactly  ! 

Des  Pr.  Weave  into  this  story  the  arrival  of  a 
^  stupid  dandy,  N  embellished  with  irresistible  cravats 
and  dowered  by  nature  with  that  fine  perfume  of 
stupidity  that  women  inhale  with  drunken  joy : 
"  Ah  I  what  a  beauty  he  is  and  what  a  cipher !  He 
will  be  all  n)ine  and  I  shall  be  his  all  in  all!  "  Add 
to  this  thaf^the  insipid  beauty  is  my  cousin. 

Clav.  Adhemar ! 
v^  Des  Pr.  \^jRismg.'\  The  handsome  Adhemar! 
now  a  government  forester.  He  comes  here  with 
his  military  boots  on,  and  makes  a  big  noise  with 
his  spurs  and  cracks  his  whip.  Imagine  what  kind 
of  a  figure  I  cut  alongside  of  that  musketeer ! 

Clav.  \^Rising.'\  That's  another  fable:  "The 
Centaur  and  the  Minotaur  " — and  you're  the  cen- 
taur. 

Des  Pr.     No  !     Not  yet. 

Clav.     Hm ! 
\/        Des  Pr.     No,  no !  there  are  still  two  reassuring 
symptoms. 

Clav.     And  they  are 


DIVORgONS.  IS 

Des  Pr.     In  the  first  place,  Madame  Des  Pru-  v/ 
nelles  always  exhibits  a  dogged  disposition  when 
she   is  in   my  company.     When    she  begins  to  be 
charming,  then  I'll  know  what  I  am. 

Clav.     Correct  reasoning.  . 

Des  Pr.     And  then,  she  is  completely  taken  upv 
with  the  idea  of  divorce — which  proves  that  she  has 
not  yet  made  the  fatal  step.     When  she  does  m.ake 
it,  devil  of  a  pile  she'll  care  about  divorce. 

Clav.     Ah  !     Has  she  told  you  about  this  ? 

Des  Pr.  \^Pointing  to  the  books  on  the  table. '\  No, 
but  her  choice  of  literary  food — Look  here  ;  a  digest 
of  the  laws  of  France.  \_He  picks  up  the  books, 
pamphlets,  etc.'\  "  Part  VI :  Divorce."  And  every 
thing  here — divorce,  divorce,  divorce!  And  pored 
over !  annotated,  underlined !  dog-eared  on  every 
leaf! 

Clav.  Why,  poor  chap,  you  must  defend  your- 
self. 

Des  Pr.  Until  the  last  cartridge  is  gone  !  But 
I  am  quite  sick.  Oh,  how  I  suffer,  my  dear,  dear 
friend  !  The  catastrophe  hai^gs  over  my  head.  I 
see  it  coming,  I  feel  it — and/that's  what  prevents  \/ 
me  from  dining  with  you.  A  single  moment  off  my 
guard,  and  I  am  lost  1 

Clav.  If  it's  foreordained,  you'll  have  a  fine 
time  warding  it  off  ! 

Des  Pr.     And  for  that  reasoiy'l'm  going  to  bring  \J 
matters  to  a  head  by  a  coup  diktat. 

Clav.     To-day  ? 

Des  Pr.  \_Leading  him  toward  the  right.'\  Right 
off !  I  have  informed  Madame  thai  the  visits  of 
that  animal  are  odious  to  me,  and  that  while  I  am 
tolerating  him,  as  a  cousin,  on  Sundays  and  holidays 
— on  every  other  occasion  I  would  throw  him  out  of 
the  window.     Then  came  the  scene  which  is  familiar 


i6  DIVORgONS. 

to  you,  and  all  the  regulation  threadbare  tricks.  "  I 
suppose  there  was  nothing  left  for  you  to  do,  sir, 
but  to  insult  your  wife — " 

Ctav       l     {.^og^^^^^-^    "  By  unjust  suspicions  I " 

Des  Pr.     "  And  you  deserve  well  enough." 

DesPr.  >      ITogether.']     "  That  I  should  justify 

Clav.      >  them !  " 

Des  Pr.  I  have  stuck  to  my  determination. 
Mr.  Adhemar  has  ceased  to  appear  publicly  except 
on  our  regular  "  at  home "  days.  But  as  soon  as 
my  back  is  turned  he  runs  in  through  the  garden ; 
for  he  has  rented  a  room,  the  blackguard,  over 
there,  directly  across  the  street  from  my  house  1 
\_He  goes  up  stage  and  points  to  the  right.  ~\ 

Clav.     \_Following  him.^     And  now  what  ? 

Des  Pr.     And  now,  with  the  aid  of  my  abilities 

,  as  a  mechanician,  I  have  prepared,  in  the  silence 

^  of  the  night,  a  little  trap  in  which  I  will  catch  Mr. 

Man  this  afternoon.     Then  he  gets  angry !     I  pull 

his  ears !     He  calls  me  out !     We  fight  I 

Clav.     And  he  kills  you  ! 

Des  Pr.     And  then — I'm  at  rest ! 

Clav.     And  this  mouse-trap  consists  in ? 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  simple  enough — a  secret  spring 
operated  by  a  button. — Hush  1  here  she  comes ! 
«y  Clav.  Your  wife  ?  [^Cyprienne  appears  at  rear, 
in  the  vestibule^  followed  by  Josepha,  to  whom  she 
gives  an  order,  manifesting  in  her  gestures  a  certain 
discontent.  ] 

Des  Pr.     Oh  I  my  goodness  I 

Clav.     What's  the  matter  ? 

Des  Pr.     Isn't  she  smiling  ? 

Clav.     No  I  not  by  a  long  shot. 

Des  Pr.     Are  you  sure  ? 

Clav.     Sure  ?     Jiminy,  yes. 


DIVORgONS.  17 

Des  Pr.  ^^Brightening  up.'\  Oh,  my  friend!  so 
much  the  better  ;  you  reassure  me. 

\_Exit  JosEPHA.     Cyprienne  comes down.'\ 

Clav.     \^Bowing  to  Cyprienne.]    Dear  lady 

Cypr.     Monsieur  Clavignac — How  nice  of  you. 

Clav.  While  stopping  at  Rheims,  I  made  it  my 
first  duty  to  present  my  homage  to  you. 

Cypr.  I  shan't  ask  you  how  is  Madame  Cla- 
vignac. 

Clav.     You  are  too  kind. 

Cypr.     Still  separated  ? 

Clav.     Quite  so. 

Cypr.  My  compliments — to  both  of  you  1  \_She 
goes  up  stage,  ^C/^-] 

Dks  Pr.  \Ina  low  voice^  A?  Clavignac]  There 
you  are  I 

Clav.     She's  quite  acid. 

Des  Pr.  \_As  be/ore.']  That's  nothing.  Wait  a 
bit. 

[Bafourdin  a//^arx.]  \/ 

Bastien.  [Announcing,  at  rear.']  Monsieur 
Bafourdin, 

Bafourdin.  [^Digni^d  and  ceremonious.']  Dear- 
est lady 

Cypr.  How  do  you  do,  Monsieur  Bafourdin  ?  I 
hope  you  are  well  ? 

Baf.  a  thousand  thanks  !  [He  passes  over  to 
the  left.] 

Des  Pr.  \_Shaking  hands  with  him.]  Delighted 
to  see  you.  [^Presenting  Clavignac]  Monsieur 
Bafourdin,  collector  of  customs. 

Clav.     Charmed. 

Madame  JDE  Brionne.      [Entering,  to  Bastien,     7 


iS  DIVORgONS. 

who  is  about  to  announce  her.']  Don't  announce  me. 
I  am  a  member  of  this  household. 

Cypr.     [^Grasping her  hand.]  You're  well,  I  hope  ? 

Mme  de  B.  Yes,  dear.  \^They  come  down  left ; 
Madame  de  Brionne^^/^^  toward  Des  Prunellks, 
who  is  coming  to  meet  her  and  gives  her  a  hearty 
handshake?^  How  do  you  do,  howdedo,  neighbor. 
[Passing  in  frotit  of  D'E.s  Prunelles  to  go  to  Ba- 
fourdin.]  How  do  you  do,  Monsieur  Bafourdin. 
[Passing  in  front  0/  Bafovrdih  to  go  to  Clavignac] 
Well  I     So  you're  resuscitated,  are  you  ? 

[During  this  short  aside  between  Madame  de  Bri- 
.  oxNE  and  Clavignac,  Bafourdin  seats  himself 
upon  the  couch,  Des  Prunelles  places  the 
tabaret  under  the  table,  takes  the  books  and  car- 
ries them  to  the  little  table  near  the  ^uindow, 
while  Cyprienne  places  the  pamphlets  on  the 
mantelpiece.  During  the  same  time  Josepha 
enters  left  with  a  platter  full  of  tea  things,  puts 
it  on  the  table,  pushes  up  to  the  table  the  arm- 
chair that  is  at  its  left,  and  exit.] 

n/         Clav.     One  would  come  back  from  anywhere  to 

see  you.     And  so  you're  still  a  widow  ? 
/  Mme    de    B.       Still — And    you  ?      Are    you    a 

widower  ? 

Clav.     Not  yet. 

Mme  de  B.  [Zaughing.]  Too  bad ;  we  might 
unite  our  two  solitudes. 

Clav.  [Quickly.]  It  isn't  necessary  that  I  be  a 
widower  for  that ! 

Mme  de  B.  [Laughing.]  Oh,  no,  it's  a  husband 
that  I  want. 

Cypr.  [Calling  her  as  she  is  preparing  the  tea 
in  front  of  the  table.]     Estelle  I 


DIVORgONS.  19 

Mme  de  B.  \_Approaching  her.']  My  dear 
Cyprienne  ! 

Clav.       \^To   Des    Prunelles,    alone  with  him, 
right.]     Why  is    it  that   that  pretty  little   woman  ^ 
hasn't  got  another  husband  yet  ? 

Des  Pr.     It's  not  the  wish  she  lacks ;  it's  the  \/ 
money. 

\  APREUKKappears. "]  J 

Bast.  [Announcing.]  Monsieur  Adhemar  de 
Gratignan. 

[Cyprienne,  alone  in  front  of  the  table  where  she  is 
pouring  out  the  tea,  starts.] 

Des  Pr.  [In  a  low  tone  to  Clavignac]  There's 
the  bird ! 

Adhemar.  [Coming  dozvn  left  to  Cyprienne  and 
pressing  her  hand.]  My  dear  cousin,  you  have  been 
well  [with  affectation]  since  last  Monday  ? 

Cypr.  [Eather  excitedly.]  Thank  you,  fairly 
well! 

Des  Pr.  [In  a  low  voice,  to  Clavignac]  The 
mountebank  1  they  see  each  other  every  day. 

[Adhemar  bows  to  him.  Des  Prunelles  makes 
believe  he  does  not  see  him.  Clavignac  goes  to 
talk  with  Madame  de  Brionne  at  rear,  right.] 

Bafourdin.     [  Statiding  up,  with  a  cup  of  tea  which 
Cyprienne  has  handed  him.]    /So  you  are  going  to  v^ 
leave  us,  are  you,  Monsieur  de  Gratignan  ? 

Adhe.     [Apart,  annoyed.]     Ah  !  fine  thing 

TCyprienne  who  was  standing  in  front  of  the  table 
pouritig  out  some  tea^  turns  around  with  a  start.  ^ 
Des  Prunelles,  who  had  gone  up  stage  with 
Clavignac,  statids  still  and  listens.] 


30  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  Leave  us  ?  [^To  Adhemar.  ]  You  are 
going  away  ? 

Adhe.       [jExdfe{f/y.']     Why,   no  ;   no,    certainly 
not. 
y        Baf.     I  read  this  morning  in  the  Rheims  Inde- 
pendent  that  you  had  been  appointed   sub-forest- 
inspector  at  Arcachon. 

Cypr.  [  Worried  and  disturbed  by  the  presence  of 
ker  husband. '\  And  we  haven't  been  told  a  thing 
about  it  ? 

Adhe.     Quite  so.     I  came  to  tell  you  that  this 
^     position  had  been  offered  me — but  I  refused  it. 

Des  Pr.     Refused  advancement  ? 
^        Adhe.     So  that  I  might  remain  in  the  bosom  of 
my  family.     \^IIe  goes  to  place  his  hat  on  the  mantel- 
piece and  comes  down  again.] 

Des  Pr.      [Aside,  to  Clavignac]      Hear  that; 
^    Hear  th.it  ?     There's  going  to  be  a  duel  I 

Mme  de  B.  [At  rear,  looking  at  an  art  object  at- 
tached to  the  wall.']     Monsieur  Des  Prunelles 

Des  Pr.     Madame.     [Be  approaches  her.] 

Mme  de  B.     That  dragon  is  Chinese,  isn't  it  ? 

Des  Pr.  Japanese.  [  They  continue  speaking  at 
rear,  right.  Bafourdin  has  sat  down  again  on  the 
the  couch.] 

CvPR.  [Profiting  by  the  remoteness  of  everybody 
else,  aside,  to  Adhemar,  as  she  comes  down  to  bring 
him  the  cup  of  tea  that  she  has  just  prepared  and 
which  she  stirs  with  a  sentimental  air.]  And  it  is 
all  for  my  sake  }  I  do  not  want  you  to  make  this 
'^  sacrifice,  my  dear  friend.     You  must  accept. 

Adhe.  [In  a  stage  whisper,  as  he  takes  the  tea.  ] 
Leave  you,  Cyprienne  ?     I'd  die  first  1     [He  drinks.] 

Cypr.     \_Same  tone.]     I  must  speak  to  you — at 
once  I 
y       Adhe.     At  my  apartments  ? 


DIVORgONS.  21 

Cypr.  [  Quickly.  ]  Your  apartments  ?  Never  I 
Later — perhaps  I  won't  say  no. 

Adhe.     Why  not  now  ? 

Cypr.  No,  no  I  Here !  Come  when  you  see 
the  signal. 

Adhe.     But 


Cypr.  Hush  I  Someone  is  looking.  \_Aloud.'\ 
Monsieur  de  Clavignac,  don't  you  drink  tea  ? 

[Clavignac  and  Des  Prunelles  come  down,  right. 
Madame  de  Brionne  takes  a  copy  of  the  "  Vie 
Parisienne"  off  the  little  table  and  reads  it, 
rear.l^ 

Adhe.  [Alone,  left  front,  drinking  the  cup  of  tea, 
apart.']  Accept  it  ?  it's  done  already.  I'm  no  fool. 
But  I'm  soon  to  go  ;  and  I'll  have  to  hurry  matters! 

Bast.    [Announcing^   Mademoiselle  de  Lusignan.  y  , 
[Enter  Mademoiselle  de  Lusignan.]  J 

Clav.     [To  Des  Prunelles.]     Still  a  spinster? 

Des  Pr.     More  so  every  day  !     And  caustic  I 

Cypr.  [  Who  has  gone  to  meet  Mademoiselle  de 
Lusignan.]  How  lovely  of  you,  my  dear  neighbor 
—  [She  takes  her  over  behind  the  couch,  toward  the 
light,  offers  her  the  chair  near  the  table  and  stays 
there  to  talk  with  Bafourdin  behind  the  table.] 

Mademoiselle  de  Lusignan.  [After  having 
shaken  hands  with  Cyprienne,  bows  to  Madame  dk 
Brionne,  without  stopping.]  Isn't  Monsieur  de 
Gratignan  here  ? 

Adhe.     Begging  your  pardon 

Mlle  de  L.  [Passing  in  front  of  the  table  and 
going  toward  him.]  So  glad  to  see  you !  I  saw  you 
running  from  my  window.  I  said  "  How  do  you  do  ?  " 
but  you  didn't  hear  me,  you  were  running  so  fast — 
[Going  to  shake  hands  with  Des  Prunelles.] — that 
I  said  to  myself:     "  Evidently  he's  going  to  visit 


22  DIVORgONS. 

his  cousin  Cyprienne  ! "     \^She  seats  herself  in  the 
small  chair  at  right  of  the  table J\ 

Clav.     \_Aside,  to  Des  Prunelles.]     Fine  talk ! 

Cypr.  \_Hastily,  in  order  to  change  the  current  of 
the  conversation,  to  Bafourdin.]  Isn't  Madame 
Bafourdin  coming? 

Baf.  a  slight  indisposition  forces  her  to  stay  at 
home. 

Mme  de  B.  [  Coming  down,  with  the  "  Vie  Pari- 
sienne  "  in  her  ha?ids,  arid  sitting  on  the  povf  after 
having  moved  it  a  little  to  the  right  with  the  aid  of 
Clavignac]  Here's  the  news  of  the  Chamber  of 
Deputies.  By  the  way,  isn't  it  to-day  that  they  will 
discuss  that  much-talked-of  divorce  bill  ? 
"^      Adhe.     It  certainly  is  to-day. 

Des  Pr.  [71?  Clavignac]  Now  listen !  \^ffe 
goes  over  and  sits  in  the  arm-chair  at  the  extreme 
right.  Clavignac  takes  the  chair  that  is  near  the 
fauteuil  and  sits  down  between  him  and  Madame  de 
Brionne.] 

Cypr.      \Behind  the  table,  right,  serving  a  cup  of 
tea  to  Mlle  de  Lusignan.]     Yes — it  is  to-day  that 
our    representatives    will   deign    to    consider    the 
question. 
^       Mlle  de  L.     Do  you  think  the  bill  will  pass  ? 

Cypr.     If  all  the  Deputies  that  have  a  personal 

interest  in  it 

^       Baf.     It  is  the  will  of  the  people  ! 

Cypr.     Oh  !  undoubtedly. 

Adhe.     \^Approaching  the  table.']     All  the  men  ! 

« ,      ■      -p,   >■      And  all  the  women ! 
Mme  de  B.  ) 

Clav.  [7<?  Madame  de  Brionne,  who  keeps  on 
reading  the  ^^  Vie  Parisienney~\  What,  you  too? 
What  use  can  it  be  to  you  ?     You're  a  widow. 

Mme  de  B.     ^^Laughing.]      Why,  it  would  put 


DIVORgONS.  23 

husbands  back    in  circulation;    I  should   have   a 
wider  field  of  choice. 

Bast.     \_Announcing.'\     Madame  de  Valfontaine. 

[Enter  Madame  de  Valfontaine.     Des  Prunelles    \J 
and  Clavignac  rise  to  bow  to  her,  then  sit  down- 
again. '\ 

Cypr.  [  Going  toward  her  and  bringing  her  dowti 
toward  the  left.]  Oh,  I  am  quite  sure  that  Clarisse 
is  also  for  it ! 

Mme  de  V.  [Shakes  hands  with  her,  makes  a 
sign  of  friendship  to  Adhemar  and  crosses  in  front 
of  the  table  to  shake  hands  with  Madame  de  Bri- 
onne.]     For  what? 

Cypr.  For  the  divorce  bill !  \SJie  pushes  the 
sofa  at  left,  leaving  a  good-sized  space  between  th* 
table  and  the  sofa.'] 

MmedeV.  Oh,  horrors,  no  !  [She shakes handt 
with  Adhemar.] 

All.      [Surprised.]     Phew! 

Clav.  [To  Des  Prunelles.]  What  do  you 
think  of  that  ? 

Des  Pr.     [In  a  stage  whisper.]     She  gets  along y 
so  well  without  it ! 

Clav.     [Same  tone.]     Is  that  so  ? 

Cypr.  {Offering  her  the  sofa  at  left.]  What! 
My  dear  beauty,  are  you  against  it  ? 

Mme  de  V.  [Sitting  down  on  the  sofa  while 
Cyprik^^he  pours  her  out  a  cup  of  tea.]  Why,  look 
here,  it's  the  height  of  abomination,  this  divorce. 
If  people  are  married  for  life,  they  become  resigned 
to  their  fate,  they  make  concessions — While  if  they 
had  the  hope  of  a  divorce,  they  would  carry  things 
beyond  all  endurance,  in  order  to  reach  a  rupture 
of  relations  as  soon  as  possible  !  In  plain  language, 
it  would  mean  the  end  of  the  marriage  relation.        v/ 


24'  DIVORgONS. 

Mlle  de  L.     So  much  the  better,  then  I 
All.     Oh,  mademoiselle  ! 

£Cyprienne  brings  the  cup  of  tea  to  Mme  de  Val- 
FONTAiNE,  a7id  Adhemar  profits  by  this  action 
by  seeking  to  grasp  Cyprienne's  hand  behind 
the  sqfa.\ 

Mlle  de  L.  \_Noticing  the  little  by-play. "]  Then 
we  shan't  see  all  the  horrible  things  that  marriage 
displays  before  our  eyes ! 

[Adhemar  and  Cyprienne  hastily  move  away  from 
one  another.  Cyprienne  goes  up  stage  and 
listens  to  what  follows^  leaning  behind  the 
couch,  between  Bafourdin  and  Mlle  de   Lu- 

SIGNAN.] 

Mme  de  V.  [7»  a  stage  whisper,  to  Adhemar, 
who  again  goes  to  the  extreme  left.  ]  That  was  too 
plain. 

Bafourdin.  [_J?ising,  without  quitting  his  posi- 
tion.^ I  beg  Madame's  pardon,  but  I  think  that, 
far  from  deterring  people  from  marriage,  the  possi- 
^  bility  of  divorce  is,  quite  on  the  contrary,  an  en- 
couragemen^sr-because  it  offers  a  chance  of  getting 
out  again  !     \_Sits  down.'\ 

Clav.  Right,  by  jingo !  Marriage,  as  it  is  now, 
is  a  sort  of  blind  alley.  Divorce  opens  up  a 
passage. 

Baf.  And  a  man  who  might  fear  to  enter  the 
blind  alley 

Clav.  Would  gladly  take  the  risk  in  the  open 
thoroughfare. 

Mme  de  V.  Open  thoroughfare !  That's  exactly 
the  right  name  for  it !  it  would  be  nothing  more  or 
less  than  an  open  thoroughfare  !     It's  indecent  1 


DIVORgONS.  25 

All.     Oh !     Indecent  ? 

Adhe.     And  very  agreeable!     \^He  takes  Mme 
DE  VJ's  cup  from  her  and  places  it  on  the  table."] 

Mlle  de  L.     [^Maliciously.]     And  all  this  time 
Monsieur  Des  Prunelles  stays  in  his  corner  saying  n/ 
nothing  ?     [Every  one  looks  at  Des  Prunelles.] 

Des  Pr.     Oh  !    Well,  regarding  it  as  a  question  >/ 
of  principle,  I  am  opposed  to  divorce. 

All.     [Surprised.']     Oh! 

Des  Pr.      But  in  its  practical  aspect  I  find  it  ^ 
excellent. 

Clav.    ^ 

Adhe,   >     Just  like  everybody  else.  , 

Baf.      )  ^ 

Adhe.     Do  you  want  to  know  what  feature  of 
the  divorce  I  consider  admirable  ? 

All.     What's  that  ? 

Adhe.     Why,  it  suppresses  assassination  !  \  Now-  ^ 
adays   a   luckless    young    gentleman    can't   forget 
himself  with  an    unhappy  young  wife  without  the 
whole  world  shouting  to  the  husband  :  "  Kill  them  !  " 

Mme    de    B.      [Thoughtlessly.]      Oh!      People 
never  tell  him  that ! 

Adhe.     What?      Don't   they  tell   him:      "Kill 
him  !     Kill  her  ?     Kill  them  ?  " 

Mme  de  B.     [Laughing.]     Oh,  I  understood  you 
well  enough. 

Adhe.  And  the  murderous  fellow  shoots — bing, 
bang  1  Think  of  it !  Why,  it's  barbarous  I  It  does 
not  belong  to  this  enlightened  age  I  And  why  does 
this  massacre  have  to  take  place  ?  /Because  there  ^ 
is  no  other  way  to  get  rid  of  the  wife  and  her  lover. 
Let  him  be  given  the  right  of  divorce  ! 

Clav.     And  then  you  would  have  nothing  more 
to  fear  1 

Adhe.      There  you  are  I     I  wouldn't  have 


26  DIVOKgONS. 

{Correcting  himself. '\  There  wouldn't  be  anything 
more  to  fear  1 

Clav.  And  then  all  the  husband  would  have  to 
do  would  be  to  sling  his  wife  into  your  arms  in  order 
to  be  avenged ! 

Adhe.     There  you  are  !     That  is 

Clav.     Yes,  yes.     Just  so. 

Des  Pr.     {Apart?^     What  an  idiot ! 

[Adhemar  goes  up  and  stands  between  Madame  de 
Valfontaine's  sofa  and  the  tab/e.'\ 

Cypr,  {Approaching  Clavignac]  Revenged? 
Beg  pardon,  did  you  say  revenged  ?  And  revenged 
for  what,  if  you  please  ? 

Des  Pr.  {Rising  and  addressing  himself  to  Cvpri- 
enne  over  the  head  of  Clavignac,  who  is  seated.'] 
Why,  for  the  crime,  Madame,  for  the  crime  that  the 
woman  committed  I 

Cypr.     Crime  ? 

Des  Pr.  Indiscretion,  if  that  word  suits  you 
better. 

Cypr.  Indiscretion  1  But,  Monsieur,  if  there  is 
a  divorce  law,  there  is  no  such  thing  as  an  indis- 
cretion, since  it  is  then  possible  to  make  amends 
for  it. 

Clav.  {Feeling  uncomfortable  between  them,  rises 
and  moves  off.]  Yes,  that's  another  aspect  of  the 
question,      {ffe  quietly  puts  his  chair  back  in  place.  ] 

Des  Pr.  {Coming  down  to  Cyprienne,  who  is 
also  coming  down.]  And  the  husband's  honor, 
Madame  ?     {Still  coming  doian.] 

Cypr.  {To  Des  Prunelles,  over  Madame  de 
Brionne's  head.]  Well,  Monsieur,  the  divorce 
hands  his  honor  back  to  him,  intact,  and  as  good  as 
new  1     What  can  he  have  to  complain  of  then  1 


DIVORgONS.  37 

Adhe.     [Chiming  in.]      Not  a  thing,   by  Jeho- 

saphat ! 

[Madame  de  Brionne  has  arisen  discreetly  and  gone 
to  Join  Clavignac  at  rear,  right.] 

Cypr.  [In  the  center  of  the  stage.]  Oh,  of  course, 
I  can  understand  that  a  virtuous  woman,  enchained 
by  a  perpetual  marriage,  will  stifle  the  outbursts  of 
her  heart,  subdue  her  passion,  and  say  to  him  that 
she  loves  :  [  Directing  her  remarks  toward  Adhem  ar.] 
"  No,  I  will  not  transgress  !  For  if  we  were  dis- 
covered, there  would  be  a  scandal,  dishonor,  death 

perhaps!"      But  with  a  divorce   law [Gaily.] 

"  Very  well,  Monsieur,  I  have  deceived  you.  Let's 
secure  a  divorce,  that  will  be  all  there  is  to  it,  and 
we'll  talk  no  more  of  the  matter."  There  !  isn't 
that  loyal  ?  Isn't  it  frank,  isn't  it  on  the  square  ? 
What  more  could  anyone  want  ? 

Des  Pr.  [Approaching  her.]  Quite  so.  And, 
as  a  consequence,  no  more  scruples,  no  more  hesi- 
tation, eh  ?     Fine  sort  of  morality  ! 

Cypr.  Oh,  well,  Monsieur,  if  you  don't  see  that 
the  lofty  morality  of  divorce  consists  in  that  very 
facility  in  atoning  for  an  indiscretion 

Des  Pr.  [Exasperated^  Which  encourages 
committing  it ! 

Clav.  )      Don't  get  excited  I     Calm  your- 

Mme  de  B.  )  selves  I 

[All  present  have  arisen.  Madame  de  Brionne, 
Mlle  de  Lusignan  and  Madame  de  Val- 
FONTAINE  go  tip  Stage  and  shake  hands  with 
Cyprienne,  who  has  gone  to  join  them.  Bafour- 
DiN  goes  to  get  his  hat,  rear.  Clavignac  at 
rights  is  trying  to  calm  Des  Prunelles.] 

Adhe.     [Aside,  as  he  reaches  the  center  of  stage."] 


28  DIVORgONS. 

Excellent  I  If  that's  all  that  restrains  her — I've 
got  her,  I've  got  her  !  [^A/oudJ]  And  only  to  think 
that  while  we  are  here  discussing  the  law,  the  cham- 
ber of  deputies  has  perhaps  passed  it  already. 

Mme  de  V.     Or  rejected  it ! 

Bafourdin.  [^Behind  the  couch.']  In  either  case, 
we  shan't  know  the  result  of  the  vote  until  late  in 
the  evening. 

Adhe.  Oh,  earlier.  [Looking  at  his  watch.']  In 
an  hour  you  will  know  it. 

All.     An  hour  1 

Adhe.  [Crosses  behind  the  table,  opens  the  writing 
case,  and  speaks  while  writing.]  Yes — I  have  a 
journalistic  friend  who  stands  in  with  the  police. 
I'm  going  to  wire  him  at  Chalons  to  telegraph  back 
the  news,  as  soon  as  he  gets  it.  [He  takes  the 
paper  on  which  he  has  written?^ 

All  the  Women.     Oh,  hurry,  hurry  up,  then. 

Adhe.  I'll  send  it  by  telegraph.  [He  goes  to  get 
his  cane  and  hat.] 

CvPR.  [Accompanying  him  to  the  rear.]  And  let 
us  know  the  result 

Adhe.     The  minute  I  get  it !     [Exit.] 

Mlle  de  L.  [Going  up  to  Bafourdin,  who  is 
getting  ready  to  go  out.]  Is  Madame  Bafourdin  op- 
posed to  the  divorce  law,  dear  Monsieur  ? 

Baf.  [Sarcasticai/y.]  Yes,  mademoiselle,  and 
also  against  spinsterhood  1 

Mlle  de  L.     [Apart.]     The  insolent  person  I 

Mme  de  V.    [To  Cvprienne.]    Au  revoir,  dearie. 

CvPR.     Au  revoir. 

Baf.     [  Taking  his  leave.]      Ladies [He  goes 

out  With  Mme  de  Valfontaine.] 

Mlle  de  L.  [Coming  down  between  the  table  and 
the  couch,  to  Mme  de  Brionne.]  Are  you  going, 
dear  madame  ? 


DIVORgONS.  29 

Mme  de  B.     After  you,  dear  mademoiselle. 

Mlle  De  L.  Oh,  is  your  modesty  afraid  of  the 
compliments  that  I  will  give  you,  after  your  de- 
parture ? 

Mme  de  B.  {^Laiighing.']  No,  it's  the  opposite 
I'm  afraid  of.  [She  goes  up  stage  beyond  the  couch.~\ 
Will  you  come  with  me  in  my  carriage  ? 

Mlle  de  L.  With  pleasure.  [Aside.'\  The 
little  fool  ! 

Mme  de  B.  \^Approachvig  Cyprienne,  who  has 
gone  up  stage  toiuard  the  right.']  I  am  offering  you 
up  as  a  sacrifice,  my  dear.  She  is  going  to  tell  me 
something  bad  about  you. 

Cypr.     Let  her  say  it  1 

Mme  de  B.  Oh,  you  can  depend  upon  her ! 
[She  botes  to  Des  Prunelles  and  Clavignac  and 
goes  out  with  Mlle  de  Lusignax.  Josepha  enters, 
L.  2  E.,  and  places  the  cups  on  the  platter  which  she 
carries."] 

Cypr.  {Coming down,  right.]  Won't  you  stay  to 
dinner,  Monsieur  Clavignac? 

Clav.  Impossible — to  my  great  regret,  dear 
lady.  I'm  to  be  at  a  dinner  with  some  friends  this 
evening. 

Cypr.    Some  other  time,  then.     [Bastien  rc;;;/^j" 
out  ^Des  Prunelles'  study  ana  brings  him  his  hat 
and  great-coat.]     Bastien,  bring  around  the  horses, 
I'm  going  out.     \_She  crosses  in  front  of  the  table  and 
looks  for  the  books  and  pamphlets  on  the  mantelpiece.'] 

Bast.     All  right,  ma'am. 

Des  Pr.  [  With  his  coat  half  on,  to  Clavignac] 
Will  you  come  with  nae  ? 

Clav.     Where  to  ? 

Des  Pr.     The  club. 

Clav.     Sure. 

Cypr.     Well,  then — if  I  shan't  see  you  again — 


3©  DIVORgONS. 

Pleasant   journey !      [  She   holds  out    her  hand  to 
Clavignac] 

Clav.     Thank  you,  thank  you. 

[Cyprienne  enters  her  apartment.~\ 

Des  Pr.  [  Crossing  in  front  of  Clavignac  and 
turning  toward  him,  as  soon  as  Cyprienne  has  closed 
the  door.  Brusquely.^  Do  you  comprehend  the 
situation  ? 

Clav.  Not  in  the  least, 
v  Des  Pr.  [/«  a  whisper. '\  I  said  I  was  going  to 
the  club — but  I'm  not. — She  said  she  was  going  out 
— but  she  isn't.  Adhemar  is  waiting  for  the  signal 
at  the  street  corner.  \_Crosses  over  to  the  ri^hf.'\ 
She'll  give  it,  he'll  come — And  that's  where  my 
little  mouse-trap  comes  in.  \^He  turns  the  knob  oj 
the  door  at  right,  which  creaks  slightly. '\  Come  into 
my  room.  \He  goes  up  toward  the  rear,  behind  the 
couch.'] 

Clav.  \_  Going  to  get  his  hat.']  Isn't  it  strange 
that  in  every  household 

Des  Pr.  Sh !  She's  listening.  [^Aloud,  with 
an  air  of  nonchalance.]     Have  a  cigar  ? 

Clav.  [^Same  tone.]  When  we  get  out  in  the 
street. 

Des  Pr.     \_Still same  tone.]     We're  off,  then  I 

Clav.     We're  off ! 

[Music.  They  go  up  to  the  rear,  pretending  to  go 
outdoors  left,  but  in  the  vestibule  Des  Prunelles 
halts  Clavignac,  pushes  him  to  the  right  into 
his  study  and  closes  the  door.  ] 

y^  Cypr.  \^Comes  out  of  her  room  with  precaution, 
goes  and  looks  around,  rear,  satisfies  herself  that  they 
have  gone  out  through  the  vestibule,  then  without  speak- 


DIVORgONS.  31 

ing  pulls  the  window  curtain  dotvn  all  the  way."] 
There!  the  signal.  \_S/ie comes  down  slowly."]  I've  / 
meditated  for  a  long  time  on  the  problem  ^  How  to  V 
do  my  duty — and  at  the  sajne  time  forget  it !  And 
I  have  found  a  means-\it  was  difficult,  but  I  have 
found  it.  I  will  order  Adhemar  to  stay  away  until 
he  hears  from  me — That's  for  my  duty,  and — 
There  he  is  I 

Adhe.  \^Entering  with  an  air  of  mystery  by  the 
small  door  at  right,  to  himse^."]  The  telegram  is  sent. 
\_Aloud.'\     Alone  ? 

Cypr.     Yes.     He  is  at  his  club.     Come  in  quick  1 

Adhe.     \^Entering.'\     OhCyprienne!     \^  The  door  ^ 
closes  suddenly  of  its  own  accord.     Immediately  there 
is  heard  the  sound  of  an  electric  bell,  which  continues 
through  the  scene.     Adhemar  stands  still,  astonished?^ 
Hey? 

Cypr.     That  ring  ? 

Adhe.     What  is  it  ? 

Cypr.     \^Terrified.^     I  don't  know  1 

Adhe.     A  telegraph  call  ? 

Cypr.  Oh,  it's  awful,  monsieur  1  Go  and  stop 
that  racket ! 

Adhe.  \_  Utterly  confounded.'^  I  was  just  about 
to  ask  you ! 

Cypr.  \_Running  to  the  door."]  Why,  it's  the 
door!     You  can  see  very  well  it's  the  door  ! 

Adhe.     \^Follows  her."]     The  door  ! 

Cypr.  Oh!  oh!  \_She  goes  up  stage  be hitui  the 
couch.'] 

Adhe.  [At  the  door,  trying  to  open  //.]  Damn 
it !     The  door  won't  open  1  J 

Cypr.     Locked  ! 

Jos.     \_Entering,  v,.  \ -s.^    Did  you  ring,  Madame  ? 

Cypr.  [^Beside  herself]  No,  it  isn't  I !  It's  my 
husband  !     \_The  noise  of  the  bell  is  reinforced  by  a 


32  DIVORgONS. 

■  different  ring.     Cyprienne  comes  down,  right."]     A 

'-'   trap  1  it's  a  trap  !     We  are  caught  I     Run,  run  ! 

Adhe.     {^Frightened  out  of  his  wits,  crosses  in  front 

of  her.']     Yes,  but  which  way  ? 

Cypr  > 

Tos       \     \_Foiniing  to  the  rear.]     That  wayf 

Adhe.      \_Makitig  a  complete  circle?^     Where  do 
you  mean  ?     Where,  where  ? 


Cypr.  ) 
Jos.     \ 


At  the  back  1 


[Adhemar  rushes  toward  the  rear  between  the  table  and 

the  arm-chair,  followed  by  Cyprienne.     At  the 

V  moment  when  he  reaches  the  vestibule,  Des  Pru- 

NELLES  opens  thr  vestibule  entrance  to  the  study, 

ntshes  in  front  of  him  and  prevents  his  egress.] 

Cypr.     Too  late ! 

[Adhemar,  terrified,  retreats  down  stage  toward  the 
right,  Des  Prunelles  following  him,  lock-step, 
with  a  menacing  air;  then  Adhemar  jumps 
aside  to  the  left,  at  the  same  time  that  Des  Pru- 
nelles, having  reached  the  door,  presses  the 
button.     The  ringing  stops  at  once.  ] 

Adhe.     [7<?  himself]     Pinched. 
Des  Pr.     [^To  Joseph  a.]     Leave  the  room  now! 
Jos.     \_Apart.]     A   fine   howdedo   for   Madame. 
\^Exii  L.  I  e.] 

[Cyprienne  and  Adhemar  stand  rooted  to  the  spot.] 

Des  Pr.  [TJ?  Adhemar.]  We  will  have  a  little 
conversation  later,  my  young  friend.  Just  now, 
you  were  about  to  go  out,  were  you  hot  ? 

Adhe.  [Stupefed.]  Yes,  I  believe — I  also  think 
I  was  going — But — what  way  ? 


DIVORgONS.  33 

Des  ?r.  \Opentng  the  door  at  the  right."]  This 
fcay. 

Adhe.     ^Hesitating. '\     Without  music  ? 

Des  Pr.     Without  music  1 

Adhe.      \Bowing^      A  thousand  thanks !    '\He  >/ 
rushes  (??//.] 

Des  Pr.     [Closing  the  door  sharply."]     Au  revoir  I 

Cypr.     \_Behind  the  sofa  at  left,  apart.]     Now  for  / 
(he  crisis  I     It  has  come,  the  crisis  I 

Des  Pr.  {Approaching  Cyprienne,  and  moving 
the  sofa  up  to  the  table  and  making  a  sign  to  his  wife 
that  she  should  sit  down.]  And  now,  Madame,  let 
us  have  a  Uttle  conversation,  if  you  will  1  Perhaps 
\ow  are  wondering  how  I  discovered  that  you  are 
still  giving  private  receptions  to  your  cousin  Adhe- 
mar,  in  spite  of  my  having  forbidden  it  ? 

Cypr.     [Seated^     No,  monsieur. 

Des  Pr.  No  ?  Very  well,  I  will  tell  you.  [Bring- 
ing the  chair  up  before  the  table  and  sitting.^  Yester- 
day evening,  I  was  at  the  club — Adhemar  came  in, 
and  I  heard  a  little  laughing  and  a  few  salacious 
pleasantries.  The  reason  for  the  hilarity  was  of  the 
most  frivolous  kind — a  thread  of  wool  that  hung  to 
the  tail  of  his  coat.  Adhemar  had  just  removed 
the  thread,  when  he  saw  me,  bit  his  lips,  threw  the 
thread  on  the  floor  and  said,  a  little  too  loud  and 
with  too  great  a  pretense  of  nonchalance  :  "  It  is 
quite  evident  that  I  have  been  dining  at  my  sister's  1  " 
Then  he  disappeared.  I  didn't  say  a  word,  but  kept 
my  eye  on  the  piece  of  thread  that  was  lying  on  the 
carpet,  and  when  nobody  was  watching  I  grabbed 
it,  put  it  in  my  pocket, — and  here  it  is  !  [Cyprienne 
starts  slightly.]  Yes,  China  rose.  [He  rises  and 
goes  to  the  Utile  table  near  the  window,  where  he  takes 
a  skein  of  wool  frojn  the  work-basket.]  When  I 
reached  home,  I  went  straight  to  your  work-basket, 


34  DIVORgONS. 

took  this  skein  of  wool — [Comes  back  to  the  table 
with  the  skein  in  one  hand  and  the  piece  of  wool- 
thread  in  the  other.'] — compared  the  thread  with  the 
skein — and  the  exact  similarity  is  so  eloquent  of 
itself  that  I  will  not  attenuate  the  effect  by  a  useless 
commentary ! 

Cypr.     l^Coldly.]     Continue,  monsieur. 

Des  Pr.  Well,  then,  since  Adhemar  has  been 
here,  will  you  be  so  kind  as  to  tell  me  why  you 
accept  visits  from  him  without  my  knowledge  ? 
What  is  it  that  gives  motive  to  and  justifies  such 
forgetfulness  of  your  entire  duty  ?  I  am  not  a  very 
disagreeable  husband  nor  a  very  troublesome  one. 
I  am  not  brutal,  ill-bred,  miserly,  nor  troublesome. 
I  have  made  your  life  the  most  pleasant  and  the 
most  care-free  in  the  world.  I  never  show  temper. 
I  have  simple  tastes,  I  lead  a  regular  life,  in  fact 
that's  exactly  what  I  married  for.  I  haven't  the 
grace  and  beauty  of  a  nobleman  ;  but  nevertheless 
my  appearance  is  not  without  a  certain  distinction. 
\^ife  sits.]  I'm  not  exactly  fiery;  but  every  now 
and  then  I  have  outbursts  of  amiable  tenderness — 
In  short,  Madame,  I  believe,  without  flattering 
myself,  that  I  am  placing  it  within  your  power  to  be 
as  happy  as  a  woman  can  be  1 

Cypr.  [^To  herself,  with  a  little  bitter  laugh.'] 
Ha,  ha ! 

Des  Pr.     I  beg  your  pardon — ? 

Cypr.  That's  what  I  expected  from  you  I  Ad- 
mirable, upon  my  word  1  "As  happy  as  a  woman 
can  be  I  "  And  how  do  I  know  that,  Monsieur  ?  It 
is  you  who  say  it  1  But  how  far  does  the  possibility 
of  a  woman's  happiness  go  ?  Where  have  I  learned 
it?     When?     How?     With  whom? 

Des  Pr.     But 

Cypr.     To  put  the  matter  plainly,  Monsieur,  when 


DiVORgONS.  35 

you  say  of  me,  to  your  friends,  "  She's  a  delightful 
woman !  "  you  are  placing  me  in  the  scales  against 
others !  You  have  a  comparison  in  your  mind ! 
But  what  terms  of  comparison  have  I,  to  proclaim 
you  a  remarkable  man  ? 

Des  Pr.     I 

CypR.  No !  it's  unendurable,  the  self-assurance 
you  men  have  I — Oh,  you've  arranged  affairs  beau- 
tifully to  suit  yourselves,  you  men  ;  it's  delightful, 
the  world  you  have  made  I  Delightful — for  you  1 — 
you  are  young,  you  paw  the  ground,  you  caper. 
"  Amuse  yourself,  my  dear,"  says  mamma,  "  it  is 
proper,  at  your  time  of  life !  "  "  Sow  your  oats,  my 
lad,"  says  papa,  "  it  will  be  good  for  your  health  !  " 
And  monsieur  prances,  curvets  about,  from  the 
blonde  to  the  brunette,  and  then  to  the  auburn- 
haired  1  And  so  it  goes.  Then,  when  it  has  got  so 
far  that  the  gallant  steed  is  used  up,  "  Woof !  per- 
haps I'd  better  get  married  1"  Then  they  throw 
some  luckless  maid  into  his  arms,  some  little  one 
all  of  a  tremble,  utterly  innocent,  who  has  always 
hung  to  her  mother's  apron  strings,  who  knows 
nothing  of  life  but  that  it  is  hidden  from  her, 
nothing  of  natural  emotions  but  that  they  are 
forbidden  her,  nothing  of  love  but  what  she  is  able 
to  divine.  And  monsieur  tells  her,  embracing  her 
somewhat  tamely  with  his  tired  arms  :  "  My,  but 
aren't  you  lucky  to  have  stumbled  on  a  jolly  dog 
like  me  ! — No  one  could  love  a  woman  more  than  I 
love  you;  no  one  embraces  more  energetically  than 
I  embrace  you ! "  And  the  unfortunate  young 
creature,  who  finds  the  clasp  a  little  slack,  says  to 
herself,  with  a  sigh :  "  What !  Can  it  be  so  ? 
Nothing  more  than  this  ?     And  here  I  was  dreaming 

of It's  very  odd  I     But  oh  dear—"     Well,  the 

girl,  if  stupid,  permits  herself  to  be  convinced ;  if 


3^6  DIVORgONS. 

indifferent,  she  is  resigned  to  her  fate.  [J?tses.] 
But  the  woman,  the  real  woman,  like  me,  Monsieur, 
says  to  herself :  "  Pooh  1  what  a  farce  !  There  is 
more  than  this  1  And  it  is  not  for  such  a  trifie  that 
people  become  impassioned,  ecstatic,  even  to  mad- 
ness 1 — to  the  point  of  committing  crime  ! — poison- 
ing, murder !  For  such  tame  embraces  Romeo 
would  not  have  run  the  risk  of  breaking  his  back 
by  falling  from  the  fourth  story,  nor  would  Leander 
have  exposed  himself  to  the  danger  of  drowning,  by 
swimming  through  stormy  seas  !  The  game  would 
not  be  worth  the  candle. — There  is  something  else, 
and  much  better."  And  that  woman,  Monsieur,  she 
investigates,  she  questions,  she  studies,  she  gathers 
information,  and  after  thorough  research  and  deep 
study  she  is  in  a  position  to  say  to  you  in  plain 
terms:  "  Look  here  1  {Striking  him  im  the  shoulder  ^^ 
You  are  an  impostor  1  and  I  have  been  robbed  !  " 

Des  Pr.     \^Risi7ig7\     Madame  1 

CvpR.  \^Crossifig  to  the  right.']  I  have  been 
robbed,  Monsieur,  that's  the  whole  story  ;  I  have 
\/  been  robbed  I  Anyway,  it  had  to  be  so.^  Marriage 
— what  is  it  for  you  men  ?  You  veterans  ?  While 
for  us  it  is  the  first  campaign\  \^Sittingon  thepou/.'] 
In  my  convent  days,  what  was  my  virtuous  dream? 
A- marriage  that  would  bring  to  realization  all  the 
drunkenness  of  passion  I  A  husband  who  would 
be  at  one  and  the  same  time  a  hero  and  my  lover ! 
I  beheld  you  in  my  dreams,  young,  beautiful,  grace- 
ful, elegant  1  now  tender,  now  menacing,  now  hum- 
ble, now  despotic,  and  never  ceasing  to  crawl  at  my 
feet  [^Rising.]  but  to  rush  at  me  like  a  tiger  I  and 
to  bruise  my  palpitating  form  with  fierce  embraces  1 
Ah,  ecstatic  visions  I  And  instead  of  their  realiza- 
tion, nothing  !  nothing,  and  again  nothing  I  Dismal 
solitude,  a  bog,  with  its  waters  lifeless  and  stagnant  I 


DIVORgONS.  37 

The  regular  "  tick,  tock  "  of  the  domestic  cuckoo- 
clock  ;  the  monotonous  drone  of  the  conjugal 
cooking-pot,  which  I  wearily  skim,  with  listless 
fingers,  as  it  brims  over  for  a  moment  I  And  no 
spice,  nothing  piquant !  Nothing  that  imparts  a 
relish,  whets  the  appetite,  adds  a  zest  1  I  make 
appeal  to  your  heart,  worn-out,  like  your  stomach, 
and  like  it  reduced  to  the  use  of  emollients,  and  I 
cry  out :  "  But  I,  I  am  young,  and  in  good  health,  I 
am  !  In  the  name  of  heaven.  Monsieur,  some 
truffles,  some  champagne,  some  spices  I  "  You 
answer:  "No,  madame,  no!  Linseed,  if  you  will, 
spinach  and  dandelion  1  "  \^She  goes  and  sinks  ex- 
hausted in  the  aim-chair,  at  the  extreme  right^ 

Des  Pr.  I  really  don't  know  what  you  want.  I 
certainly  have  done  all  I  could 

CvPR.  [^Ha/f  rising,  then  sinking  down  agaiti  and 
burying  her  face  in  the  cushions  of  the  chair.'\  Ah  1 
— Oh,  certainly  ! — Mother,  mother  ! 

Des  Pr.  \^ Approaching  her.']  Really,  you  can't 
expect  me  to  disguise  myself  as  a  Calabrian  brigand, 
for  the  sake  of  wha  you  call  spice,  and  come  into 
your  room  by  the  Avindow  I 

Cypr.  Oh,  naturally,  Monsieur  I  Those  are 
things  that  men  do  only  for  their  mistresses,  when 
they  are  young ;  and  you  have  been  too  lavish  in 
that  line ! 

Des  Pr.     I  ? 

Cypr.  Witness  the  wardrobe .  where  Monsieur 
Bafourdin  inadvertently  locked  you  up,  in  his  wife's 
chamber,  and  you  barely  escaped  suffocation  I 

Des  Pr.     You  knew 

Cypr.  [Rising.]  Or  again,  the  pretty  Madame 
Brignois,  to  whose  apartments  you  were  in  the  habit 
of  going  disguised  as  a  modiste. 

Des  Pr.     You  are  talking  ancient  history. 


38  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  lA^ain  crossing  to  left.']  That  is  lovel 
romance,  adventure  I     I  grant  you  that  I 

Des  Pr.     ^Modestly.]     Oh,  Lord— 

Cypr.  But  as  for  me.  Monsieur,  as  for  me,  I 
know  about  all  this  sort  of  thing  only  through  hearsay  1 

Des  Pr.     I  rejoice  at  the  thought. 

Cypr.  — Thanks  to  our  society,  which  when  we 
are  young  girls  keeps  us  down  ;  when  we  are  grown 
women  oppresses  us ;  and  when  we  are  old  ladies — 
suppresses  us ! 

Des  Pr.  And  what  is  it  that  you  want  this  poor, 
luckless  society  to  do  ? 

Cypr.  \_Going toward  him.']  What  I  want,  Mon- 
v  sieur  ?  /I  ask  that  instead  of  locking  up  the  young 
girl  she  be  permitted  to  run  about  at  her  ease,  like 
the  young  man  !\  When  she  has  seen  a  little  of  life, 
she  will  be  fitted  to  settle  down  and  marry,  like  you; 
and  you  will  have  a  virtuous  and  faithful  wife,  for 
she  will  no  longer  have  any  great  curiosity  to  be 
satisfied. 

Des  Pr.  Where  the  devil  do  you  draw  the 
inspiration  for  these  beautiful  ideas  ? 

Cypr.  From  my  reflections,  Monsieur,  and  from 
my  readings!  [Gohig  to  the  table  at  left.]  Read 
the  last  book  by  Monsieur 

Des  Pr.  \^QHickly.]  Heaven  bless  him?  And 
^  you  think  that  there  can  be  found  a  man  who  is  fool 
enough  to  marry  a  young  woman  under  such  con- 
ditions ? 

Cypr.  \Behind  the  arm-chair,  tvith  both  haftdso?i 
V  the  back  cushion.]  It  seems  that  there  are  plenty  of 
us  women  who  are  fools  enough  to  marry  you  men 
under  such  conditions. 

Des  Pr.  [  In  front  of  the  tah/e.']  But,  holy  Moses, 
Madame,  between  man  and  woman  there  is  a  tremen- 
dous abyss  I 


DIVORgONS.  39 

Cypr.     Yes  !     It's  marriage  ! 

Des  Pr.     Come,  come,  Madame. 

Cypr.  [  Coming  down.'\  Come,  come.  Monsieur  I 
You  represent  custom,  I  stand  for  progress.  We 
shall  never  understand  each  other.  A  truce  with 
social  philosophy,  if  you  please,  and  let  us  return  to 
the  question. 

Des  Pr.     Just  so.    'The  question — is  Adhemar ! 

Cypr.     It  is  Adhemar  ! 

Des  Pr.  Your  intentions  with  regard  to  Adhemar 
—Pray  ? 

Cypr.  I  was  just  about  to  destroy  all  his  hopes 
— when  you  made  your  absurd  entry. 

Des  Pr.     I  am  sorry. 

Cypr.  You  would  be  no  husband,  if  you  didn't 
do  stupid  things, 

Des  Pr.     Well :  to  return  to  the  point — 

Cypr.     Monsieur,  I  shall  be  frank. 

Des  Pr.     I  beg  you  will  be  so. 

Cypr.  If  I  were  not  a  virtuous  woman,  after 
what  you  have  done,  your  intrusion  would  be  irre- 
mediable. 

Des  Pr.     Ah  I 

Cypr.  But  I  am  a  virtuous  woman — unfortu- 
nately !  Since  my  infancy,  I  have  been  stuffed  with 
a  host  of  false  notions,  absurd  prejudices,  of  which  I 
haven't  yet  been  able  to  divest  myself ;  and  among 
other  superstitions  I  am  weak  enough  to  accord 
some  importance  to  the  oath  of  fidelity  that  I  gave 
you  before  the  mayor.  My  reason  of  course  tells 
me  that  my  ignorance  was  taken  advantage  of  when 
they  drew  out  of  me  a  promise  of  which  I  did  not 
comprehend  the  full  import.  Absurd  or  not,  the 
oath  was  made  ;  I  shall  keep  it ! 

Des  Pr.     That's  good. 

Cypr.     Whatever  it  costs  me  I 


y 


40  DIVORgONS. 

Des  Pr.     That's  nothing — provided- 


Cypr.  But — I  give  you  notice,  with  the  same 
loyalty,  that  this  fidelity  has  only  a  temporary  and 
transitory  character  I 

Des  Pr.  .What ? 

n/      Cypr.     For  if  the  divorce  bill   passes Oh ! 

la,  la,  la — 

Des  Pr.     Aha  I 

Cypr.  Oh,  you  know  very  well,  Monsieur,  that  I 
am  not  so  stupid  as  to  fail  to  profit  by  the  means  of 
egress  that  the  legislators  are  going  to  open  for  me. 
And  divorce  is  an  amend  for  everything ! 

Des  Pr.     Yes,  I  am  acquainted  with  the  theory. 

Cypr.     So  now  you  are  forewarned  ! 

Des  Pr.     We'll    attend   to   that   when  the   time 
"^    comes,  Madame. -T^But,  .in   the   meantime,  no  more 
of  Adhemar ! 

Cypr.     Until  further  orders,  certainly.  Monsieur. 

Des  Pr.  Or  I'll  chop  off  his  ears,  until  further 
orders. 

Cypr.     People  say  such  things 

Des  Pr.     And  people  do  them  1 

Cypr.  Have  we  discussed  the  question  suffi- 
ciently, Monsieur? 

Des  Pr.     Quite  1 

Cypr.  Then,  kindly  permit  me  to  offer  you  my 
salutations. 

Des  Pr.  \Going  up  toward  the  rear,  right.']  If 
it  pleases  you. 

Cypr.  \^Reaching  the  right.]  It  pleases  me 
greatly. 

Des  Pr.     [Bowing.]     Madame. 

Cypr.     [Same  play.]     Monsieur. 

\^She  enters  her  room,  left  front,  at  the  same    moment 
that  Des  Prunelles  enters  his  study,  right  rear. 


DIVORgONS.  41 

both  closing  their  doors  violently.  As  soon  as 
they  are  out,  Adhemar  very  softly  opens  the  little  ^ 
gardeti  door  and  pokes  in  his  head  with  precau- 
tion ;  after  which  he  crosses  the  threshold  without 
letting  go  of  the  door,  for  fear  that  the  bell  may 
start  ringing,  and  thus  he  is  otily  about  three- 
quarters  inside.  At  the  same  moment  Joseph  A  \J 
comes  in  at  rear  to  seek  her  mistress. '\ 

Adhe.  {^Pointing  to  the  door  of  Des  Prunelles' 
study.^  He  has  entered  his  study.  [^Noticing 
JosEPHA  and  calling  her  in  a  whisper?^     Josepha  1 

Jos.     Oh  I 

Adhe.     [  Whispering.']     Be  still  1 

Jos.  \_Frightened,  in  the  same  tone.]  But  the 
bell  1  the  door  I 

Adhe.  No,  it  rings  only  when  it  is  closed.  I'm 
holding  it.     Where's  your  mistress  ? 

Jos,     In  her  room.  / 

Adhe.     Tell  her  to  come  I 

Jos.     But 

Adhe.  Hurry,  hurry  1  It's  urgent  1  Go,  or 
you'll  ruin  it  all  ! 

Jos.     I'll  fly  1     \She  goes  out -L.  i  e,] 

Adhe.  \AIo7ie.  He  advances  a  little  further  on  to 
the  stage,  taking  endless  precajitions  to  prevent  the  door 
closing.]  Ah,  you  take  recourse  to  electricity,  crafty 
husband !  Very  well,  I  also  play  with  electricity  1 
The  telegraph  is  my  accomplice  1  I  telegraphed  to  "^ 
Dumoulin  and  dictated  to  him  the  response  he  was 
to  make,  justifying  this  act  by  the  words  :  "  This  is 
a  part  of  a  neat  little  farce  1  "• — An  infernal  farce ! 
\^Ife  makes  a  gesture,  the  door  slips  out  of  his  grasp 
and  begins  to  close.  He  catches  it  in  the  nick  of  time.  ] 
Phew,  that  was  a  narrow  escape  I  \_Retuming  to 
his  previous  remarks.]     Infernal,  I  say  !     Dumoulin 


42  DIVORgONS. 

^  answered  on  the  spot./  Here's  his  telegram.  [I/ie 
draws  it  out  of  his  pocket.^  That  settles  matters  1 
Now  she  can't  hide  behind  vain  scruples  1  She  is 
mine,  oh  happiness Y^  \Same  trouble  with  the  door.\ 
Damn  I  \He  catches  //.]  Jumping  jiminy  1  but 
this  is  annoying  1 

Cypr.  \Coining  out  of  her  apartment,  but  remain- 
ing near  her  door  for  fear  of  being  surprised  by  her 
husband^     You  here  ? 

Adhe.  [Same  position  at  right,  for  fear  that  the 
door  might  c/ose.]     Yes  1 

Cypr.     Again  ?  ^ 

Adhe.     Always  I 

Cypr.     The  bell  ? 

Adhe.  \_Pointing  to  his  foot,  which  prevents  the 
door  from  closing.\     No,  my  foot 

Cypr.  [Pointing  to  the  door  at  rear,  right.']  My 
husband  1 — Come  later  I 

Adhe.     Never  1 

Cypr.     What  ? 

Adhe.     You  will  come  to  see  me. 

Cypr.     To  your  apartment  ? 

Adhe.  What  was  it  that  you  yourself  said,  O  my 
angel  ?  "  When  the  divorce  law  is  in  force,  there 
will  be  no  infidelity  ! " 

Cypr.     Yes. 

Adhe.  If  they  pass  that  law,  no  virtuous  woman 
will  hesitate  to  deceive  her  husband  ! " 

Cypr.     Yes  I — Ah,  beautiful  dream  1 

Adhe.     Reality  1 

Cypr.     What  ? 

Adhe.     It  is  accomplished ! 
^       Cypr.     The  divorce  law? 
^      Adhe.     Adopted  1 

Cypr.     Ah  I 

Adhe.     Here,  look  I     [He  holds  out  the  telegram 


J 


DIVORgONS.  43 

and^  to  shorten  the  distance^  holds  back  the  door  with 
his  cane  and  makes  a  big  lunge  forward^ 

Cypr.     \_Alarmed.'\     The  door ! 

Adhe.  \_Same play\'\  No,  my  cane  I — I  am  reach- 
ing.— Read  it ! 

Cypr.  \Advancing  between  the  table  and  the  couch, 
seizes  the  telegram  and  reads  it.']  "  Divorce  bill 
passed  !  —  Enormous  majority  1  —  Dumoulin  !"  — 
Free  1  [^The  voice  of  Des  Prunelles  is  heard. 
Music.']  Run  !  [She  rushes  quickly  to  the  door, 
/leaving  the  telegram  on  the  table.]  v/ 

Adhe.  [  Who  has  reached  the  door  at  right  and 
is  ready  to  go  out.]  In  my  apartment!  I  shall 
expect  you ! 

Cypr.     \_Same position,  door  at  left.]     Now? 

Adhe.     Immediately. 

Cypr.     But  1 

Adhe.     Divorce  ! 

Cypr.     Still 


Adhe.     Redeems 
Cypr.     WeU  ? 


Adhe.     Accomplish  it ! 

Cypr.     I  will  1     [She  rushes  into  her  room.] 

Adhe.  [Radiant,  rushing  out.]  Ah  !  [The  door 
closes  and  the  bell  starts  again."] 

Des  Pr.  [Opening  his  door  violently  and  preci- 
pitating himself  into  the  room  followed  by  Clavignac.J 
Infamous !     He  has  been  here ! 

Clav.     [Astounded.]     That  bell! 

Des  Pr.  [Stopping  the  noise.  Music  ceases."] 
His  funeral  knell  1 

Clav.     Henri ! 

DeS/  Pr.     [Beside  himself,   coming  down.]     His    / 
life  1     I'll  have  his  life  !  ^ 

Clav.     Calm  yourself ! 

Des  Pr.     [Seated  at  the  right  of  the  table,  rings 


44  DIVOKgONS. 

,  the  annunciator. '\     Jump  into  the  carriage  and  hand 

^  that  blackguard  my  card  1     \^He  writes  feierishly.'] 

"  Wretch  1     One  of  us  is  in  the  way  !     It's  you  I  " 

Clav.  \Near  him,  behind  the  table.']  Ah  1  permit 
me 

Des  Pr.  "  It's  you  I  "  Where  is  the  ink  ?  My 
fury  blinds  me.  Ink  1  Ink  I  [^Trying  to  reach  the 
ink-well,  he  digs  his  pen  into  the  telegram  and  lifting 
the  pen  brings  the  telegram  within  reading  distance.] 
/  A  telegram  ?  \Enter  Josepha  and  Bastien.  He 
reads.]  "  Dumoulin  to  Adhemar."  [i%  rises, 
passes  to  the  right,  reads  the  telegram  to  himself  and 
looks  at  the  door  at  right  with  an  outburst  of  sardonic 
laughter?^  Ha,  ha,  ha  I  Thief  1  Forger  1  Fie  I  This 
ruse  in  order  to — \Starting,  with  a  cry  of  terror^ 
God  1  \He  runs  toivard  Josepha,  who  is  at  left,  in 
front  of  the  door  to  her  mistress's  chamber.] 

Clav.  \  r^„^^/^,j^^  -i     what's  the  matter  ? 

The  Servants.  )^     ^  -^ 

Des  Pr.  [  To  Josepha,  grasping  her  fist  and  point- 
ing with  anxiety  to  Cvprienne's  chamber.]  \\'here 
is  Madame  ? 

Jos.  \_Alarmed.]  Madame  is  dressing  to  go 
out  1 

Des  Pr.  \_To  himself]  Woof  I  just  in  timel 
She  was  about  to  go  there  I  \_To  Josepha.]  Get 
out  of  here,  you !  [Josepha  rushes  out.  Bastien 
is  about  to  follow  her.]  Stay  right  here  I  [Bastien 
halts,  Des  Prunelles  goes  up  left  to  the  table,  facing 
the  spectators.  ] 

Clav.    \_Stupefied.]    It's   an  attack  of  apoplexy  I 

Des  Pr.     {_  Striking  his  forehead  with  an  inspired 

air  and  tearing  the  letter  already  commenced,  writes 

,  another,   standing.]      Something    different:     "My 

V    dear  cousin,  have  the  goodness  to  come  and  have  a 

chat  with  me.     \^He  folds  the  letter  and  puts  it  in  the 


DIVORQONS.  45 

already  prepared  envelope, '\  I  have  some  very  ami- 
cable propositions  to  make  to  you  !  " 

Clav,  \_Staring  at  him  in  consfernation.']  Eh  ! 
Just  a  shower-bath  ! 

Des  Pr.  \_Passing  him  the  dispatch.~\  Here, 
read  this.  \_Handing  Bastien  the  letter.'\  Bastien, 
give  this  to  Monsieur  Adhemar.  Hurry !  \_Exit 
Bastien.] 

Clav.  [  Who  has  read  the  telegram,  seizing  his' 
hat.'\  Passed  I  The  divorce  law!  I'll  run  and 
tell  my  lawyer. 

Des  Pr.     And  the  whole  town  ! 

Clav.  The  whole  town  !  You  know  me  1  [^He 
goes  out,  running,  at  rear,  ] 

Des  Pr.  [  Calmly,  lighting  a  cigarette,  and  casting 
a  look  torvard  the  door  at  left  front,'\  Now  then, 
a  cigarette — and  let's  play  our  hand  cautiously  I 


ACT  n. 

Scene. — Same,  different  arrangement.  The  table  in 
center  stage  is  perpendicular,  in  its  longest  dimen- 
sion, to  the  staircase.  Close  to  the  table,  at  left, 
the  couch,  almost  facing  the  public.  At  left  of 
the  couch,  the  little  work-table,  aiid  behind  it  a 
small  chair.  At  right  of  the  table,  the  arm-chair 
which  was  at  left  in  the  first  act.  Under  the 
table,  the  tabaret.  On  the  table,  the  Code,  the 
bell  and  several  pamphlets.  The  upholstered 
chair  is  in  front  of  the  window.  The  rest  as  in 
first  act.  The  exterior  curtain  of  the  wifidow  is 
up.  At  rise  of  curtain  Josepha  places  Cwki- 
"enne's  cloak  on  the  chair,  and  brushes  her  mis- 
tress's hat,  standitig  at  the  threshold  of  the  door 
at  left  front. 


46  DIVORgONS. 

Jos.  [  To  Bastien,  who  enters  at  rear,  carrying 
newspapers  on  a  plate. '\     Well,  are  you  here  at  last  ? 

Bast.     Yes,  my  angel ! 
^        Jos.     Is  the  carriage  ready  ? 

Bast.     What  carriage  ? 

Jos.     The  coupe  that  Madame  is  waiting  for  ! 

Bast.  I  have  just  come  from  an  errand;  I  don't 
know  anything  about  a  carriage.  I'll  go  and  ask 
the  footman,  as  soon  as  I  have  seen  Monsieur. 

Jos.     Before!     S^She  goes  out,  left  front.'] 
V          Bast.     There  he  is!     [Pes  Prunelles  comes  out 
of  his  study.    Bastien  befwui  the  table."]     Monsieur, 
your   papers    are    here.     \^He  places   them   on   the 
table.'l 

Des  Pr.  Already? — Did  you  go  to  Monsieur 
Adhemar's  ? 

Bast.     I  have  just  come  from  there,  Monsieur, 

Des  Pr.     You  saw  him  ? 

Bast.  Yes,  Monsieur.  I  no  sooner  rang  the 
bell  than  he  threw  the  door  open  and  called  out  with 
joy  :  "  At  last!  It's  you  !  "  I  must  say  that  after 
having  seen  who  I  was,  he  seemed  so  ashamed  of 
having  greeted  me  in  such  a  friendly  manner. 

Des  Pr.     You  gave  him  my  letter  ? 

Bast.     He  read  it  twice,  Monsieur ! 

Des  Pr.     And  did  he  give  you  any  answer  ? 

Bast.     No,  Monsieur,  he  only  said  to  me  \_Still 
very  much  troubled  over  the  fact  that  he  had  talked 
^     so  brotherly-like  to  me] :     "  Tell  Monsieur  that  I  will 
certainly  come ;  just  tell  him  that  I  " 

Des  Pr.  That's  all  right,  you  may  go  now.  [Ife 
takes  the  papers^ 

Jos.  \_Reappearing,  to  Bastien.]  Weill  Ma- 
dame is  growing  impatient,  and  where's  that  car- 
riage ? 

Bast.     I'll  tend  to  it  with  all  possible  quickness. 


DIVORgONS.  47 

,      Des  Pr,     [  Tranqiiill}\  coming  down  right.  ]     It's     / 
/  not  necessary  1 — Tell  Madame  that  the  carriage  is  J 
not  ready. 

Jos.     Oh ! 

Des  Pr.  I  have  told  the  coachman  not  to  hitch 
up. 

Jos.     \^StuJ>e/ied.'\     Ah!     Monsieur  has  told — ? 

Des  Pr.     The  horses  are  sick. 

Jos.     Oh  1     The  horses  are —  ? 

Des  Pr.  Yes.  [7<7  Bastien.]  Well,  what  are 
you  waiting  for?     [Exit  Bastien,  rear.'\ 

Jos.  [7J;  herself,  as  she  moves  toward  the  right.'\ 
Well,  what  do  you  think  of  that?  There's  going  to 
be  a  pretty  mix-up  here  in  a  minute! 

Des  Pr.  [  Taking  up  the  envelope  of  a  newspaper.^ 
Did  you  say  something  ? 

Jos,  Nothing  much,  sir.  I  said :  Ah  1  Those 
poor  horses!     {_  She  goes  out  L.  i  e.] 

Des  Pr.     [_Alone.^     I    certainly  have  struck  it.     / 
He  was  waiting  for  her  I     This  false  news  had  no  "^ 
other  purpose  but  to  bring  her  to  a  decision.     Ah ! 
if  my  affliction  is  not  so  complete  as  I  fear  it  is,  you 
robber,  won't  I  have  some  fun  catching  you  in  your  -^ 
own  trap,  by  feigning  to  want  a  divorce  !     He  calls  ^ 
her   "  dear   one !  "     How  affectionate  has    he  the 
right  to  be  to  her?     That  is  the  question!     [^Ife 
opens  the  paper  and  sits  in  the  arm-chair  right  of  the 
table.'] 

CvpR.  [/«  the  wings  at  left,  exasperated.]  Oh  ! 
Is  it  my  husband's  orders  ? 

Jos.     \_Also  in  jkjings.]     Yes,  madame. 

Des  Pr.     \1o  himself]     Quite  so. 

CvPR.     \Sainc  play.]     Does  Monsieur  dare — ? 
[Breaking  out  in  a  strident  laugh  and  approaching."^    / 
Very  well,  we  will  laugh  in  his  face  1  7 

Des  Pr.     [Feigning  to  read.]     Without  doubt  I 


43  DiVORgONS. 

Cypr.  \^Rushing  suddenly  out  of  her  room  and 
throwing  her  hat  on  a  chair,  in  front  of  the  coueh."] 
Oh  1  there  you  are,  Monsieur.  [  Turning  the  couch 
and  the  arm-chair  aroundJ]  So  you  have  forbidden 
my  coachman  to  hitch  up  my  team  ? 

Des  Pr.  [^Tranquilly,  folding  his  paper  and 
rising."]     Yes,  my  darling. 

Cypr.  Under  the  pretext  that  my  horses  are 
sick? 

Des  Pr.     [^Same  tone.]     Under  that  pretext. 

Cypr.     Monsieur  I 

Des  Pr.  \_Still calmly.]  Begging  your  pardon, 
dearest — First  permit  me.  \^He  places  the  paper  on 
the  table  and  crosses  tranquilly  in  front  of  the  dumb- 
founded Cvprienne  to  close  the  door  at  left  front, 
which  she  has  left  open  ;  returns  to  her,  takes  her 
hands  and  conducts  her  to  the  couch.  Cyprienne, 
stupefied,  hesitates  to  sit  down.  He  insists  gallantly.] 
I  entreat  you.  [Cyprienne  sits  doivn  mechanically, 
gazing  at  him  with  stupefaction.  ]  There  !  \He  seats 
himself  by  her  side.]  See,  this  is  the  way  we  are  to 
talk  together  henceforth,  like  two  good  friends  ! — 
\_He  takes  her  by  the  hands,  which  she  allows  to 
wander  without  comprehending.] — hand  in  hand — 
thanks  to  this  little  piece  of  paper.  \^He  has  taken 
the  telegram  from  his  pocket  and  shows  it  to  her,  lift- 
ing his  ha7id.] 

Cypr.     \_Surprised.]     Ah  I 

Des  Pr.     [  Gaily.  ]     Understand  me  ? 

Cypr.     [  Giving  a  shout  of  joy.]     Divorce  ? 

Des  Pr.     Thrice-blest  divorce  !  . 

Cypr.  [  Confused^  But  just  a  few  moments  ago 
you  said 

Des  Pr.  A  few  moments  ago,  my  dear  little  one, 
I  did  not  dare  to  hope  !  But  now,  since  the  law 
has  been  passed 


^ 


DIVORgONS.  49 

Cypr.     You  will  consent? 

Des  Pr.     With  pleasure.  / 

Cypr.     \Joyfully.  ]     And  we  will  have  a  divorce  ? 

Des  Pr.     As  soon  as  you  desire ! 

Cypr.  \_Etnbracing  him  wildly. '\  Ah,  how  sweet 
you  are — oh,  how  noble — how  I  love  you  1  \^Loos- 
ing  her  embrace.  ]  Really  now,  are  you  in  earnest  ? 
is  it  true  ?  you  are  not  trying  to  give  me  a  false  joy  ? 
we  are  really  going  to  get  a  divorce  ?  Will  you 
swear  it  ? 

Des  Pr.     Whoever  retracts  is  a  coward  I 

Cypr.  Oh  you  dear  boy  1  What  happiness  1 
But  how  shall  we  bring  it  to  pass  ? 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  as  to  the  means,  my  dear,  it  is 
merely  a  question  of  choice.  We'll  talk  of  that 
directly.  For  the  present,  let  us  revel  in  the  joy  of 
this  separation — so  candid  I 

Cypr.     So  cordial  I 

Des  Pr.     So  tender  ! 

Cypr.  Ah  1  that's  so  true.  I  have  never  loved 
you  so  much.  Oh,  how  I  do  love  you  !  \She  takes 
his  head  in  her  two  hands  and  kisses  him."] 

Des  Pr.  [^Kissing  her  in  turn.']  Dear  little  girl  I 
And  it's  so  simple  I  We  no  longer  find  joy  in  each 
other's  company,  therefore  we  quit  each  other,  as 
good  friends;  instead  of  living  together,  fighting 
like  cats  and  dogs,  fooling  each  other  in  a  thousand 
little  ways,  and  making  untold  miser}-  for  one  an- 
other 1 

Cypr.  \_Laughing.']  Oh,  yes,  indeed.  You 
certainly  have  caused  me  a  heap  of  trouble,  you 
rascal  1 

Des  Pr.  \_Same play.]  And  you  have  certainly 
fooled  me  in  a  thousand  ways  I  Now,  we  can  just 
laugh  at  all  that,  can't  we  ?_  No  more  angej;,  laughter 
instead  1 


50  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  [^Gaily.']  Yes,  now  it  is  only  funny. 
Don't  you  think  you  have  spied  on  me  enough,  you 
big  tyrant?     Go  'way  !     \_  She  pinches  his  chin.'\ 

Des  Pr.     [^Pinches  hers.']     Not  quite. 

Cypr.  [Laughing.']  Oh!  is  that  so?  How 
^    about  the  electric  bell  ? 

Des  Pr.  [Same  play.]  Say,  it  certainly  was  a 
clever  dodge,  eh,  that  little  tinkler  ? 

Cypr.  But  the  funniest  thing  about  it  all  is  the 
V     fact  that  I  heard  you  working  at  night ! 

Des  Pr.     You  don't  say  ! 

Cypr.  [Same  play  as  above.]  I  certainly  did 
hear  you.  I  said  to  myself  :  "  What  on  earth  can 
he  be  doing  with  the  lock?  " 

Des  Pr.     Yet  I  went  at  the  matter  very  quietly. 

Cypr.  But  I  have  a  very  acute  hearing  !  And 
that  noise  gave  me  such  a  dreadful  nightmare  1 

Des  Pr.     Silly  1 

Cypr.  I  dreamed  of  daggers,  poison — I  saw  you 
sharpening  swords  ! 

Des  Pr.     [Laughing.]     Ha,  hal 

Cypr.  [Bursting  oitt  into  a  loud  laugli^  How 
stupid  people  sometimes  are  1 

Des  Pr.  Well,  for  my  part,  there  was  something 
that  quite  kept  me  from  sleeping  too  I 

Cypr.     What  was  that  ? 

Des  Pr.  How  the  devil  was  it  that  Adhemar 
^    always  knew  when  I  went  out  ? 

Cypr.  Go  'long,  you  big  baby  I  [Stopping  shorty 
You  won't  be  angry  ? 

Des  Pr.     Why,  no  ! 

Cypr.     Are  you  sure  ? 

Des  Pr.     Certainly — As  things  are  now 

Cypr.     All  right,  then. — A  signal  I 

Des  Pr.     Good  I  but  what  kind  ?  how  ?  where  ? 

Cypr.     Here. 


J 


DIVORgONS.  51 

Des  Pr.     Here  ? 

Cypr.  \_Laughing.']  Yes !  look  for  it,  look 
around 

Des  Pr.     \_Pointing  to  the  right. "^     The  window? 

Cypr.     Of  course. 

Des  Pr.  A  big  piece  of  paper  that  you  wrote  on 
with  charcoal  .-• 

\He  makes  motions  as  if  writing  large  letters. '\ 

Cypr.  \Laughing.~\  Oh,  that  would  take  too 
long ! 

Des  Pr.  A  candle,  then  ?  \^He  makes  the  motion 
of  raising  and  lowering^ 

Cypr.  \^As  above.'\  Oh,  you  aren't  going  to  find 
out,  are  you?     I'd  better  tell  you.     The  curtain  ! 

Des  Pr.     The  curtain  ? 

Cypr.  \Rises,  trips  to  the  window  and  undoes  the 
cord  that  is  used  to  regulate  the  curtain.'\  Yes  ;  look 
— this  means,  "  He  is  here  1  "  \^She  brings  it  down 
half  way. '\  "  He  is  going  out  1  "  \_Fulls  it  do^un 
the  entire  distance.']     "  He  has  gone  out !  " 

Des  Pr.  \_Gaily.'\  Ah,  beautiful;  but  dan- 
gerous I     Chance,  or  a  servant 

Cypr.  [Comifig  back  to  the  table.]  No,  nobody 
touches  it  except  Josepha  and  me  1 

Des  Pr.     Oh  1  Josepha  is  in  the  game  ?  ^ 

Cypr.     Cer — tain — ly  ! 

Des  Pr.  Lovely  girl !  I  suspected  it  ! — Well, 
and  then  the  handsome  Adhemar — I  say  "  hand- 
some Adhemar"  to  please  you,  for  between  our- 
selves— that's  the  only  criticism  I  have  to  make — 
Is  Adhemar  so  deucedly  bewitching  ? 

Cypr.  \_Behind  the  arm-chair,  her  two  hands  on 
the  back.l     Ah  !     He's  a  darling  fellow  I 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  without  doubt ;  but  morally,  Jiminy 
ChristmasHhe's  no  saint 


52  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  \_Coniing  doum.'\  What  would  I  do  with 
a  saint  ? 

Des  Pr.     Well,  that's  so. 

Cypr.      \_Crossing  behind  the  arm-chair.'\      And 

besides,  one  hasn't  a  great  deal  of  choice  in  these 

country  towns  ;  you've  got  to  be  satisfied  with  what 

you  can  get. — One  becomes  so  lonesome  ! 

/         Des  Pr.     Well,    to    make  a  long    story    short — 

you're  madly  in  love  with  him,  I  suppose  ? 
V-         Cypr.       [^Latightng.'\      Oh!    madly,   no  I      One 
mustn't  exaggerate.  ^— ''^ 

Des  Pr.  \_Rising  and  approaching  he?:'\  And  now 
tell  me,  please — since  henceforth  we  have  no  secrets 
from  each  other 

Cypr.     Why  should  we  ? 

Des  Pr.  \_Taking her  hand. '\  And,  on  the  con- 
trary, in  the  interests  of  our  divorce,  we  ought  to 
have  a  definite  understanding  on  every  point. 

Cypr.     Yes  I 

Des  Pr.  Very  well  then — When  you  said  to  me, 
this  morning  :  "  Monsieur,  I  am  a  virtuous  woman  ! 
I  have  never  transgressed  against  my  duty  as  a 
wife !  " — good  joke,  eh  ? 

Cypr.     No  1  not  a  joke  I 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  come,  my  little  kitten,  we're  going 

to  tell  each  other  everything;  that's  agreed  now. 

"■^    You  don't  want  to  make  me  believe  that  you  haven't 

made  the  faintest  little  pin-prick  in  the  marriage 

contract?  ',    \ 

Cypr-     No  I  not  one  1  y^ 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  tootsie,  tootsie-J^ome  now. 

Cypr.     Why,  never  1     I  assure  you,  my  dear. 

Des  Pr.  Not  the  tiniest  little  nickie,  teeny, 
teeny  ? 

Cypr.  \_Sitting  dorvn  in  the  arm-chair. '\  Why, 
no ;  nothing,  honor  bright  1 


DIVORgONS.  53 

Des  Pr.  During  the  entire  three  months  that 
this  has  been  going  on  ? 

Cypr.     Four  months ! 

Des  Pr.  \_Seating  hifnself  on  the  tabaret  in  front 
of  the  table  close  to  her.'\  So  much  the  more  reason. 
— During  four  months,  the  only  thing  that  you  have 
together  culled  has  been — daisies  ? 

Cypr.  Ah,  you  poor  dear,  if  you  only  knew  how 
people  are  under  continual  restraint !  Everybody 
is  spying  on  you ;  you  are  never  left  alone. 

Des  Pr.  True ;  but  of  course  you  have  taken  a 
few  turns  in  a  carriage  with  him  ? 

Cypr.  Oh,  that !  never  1 — And  it  isn't  because 
he  didn't  ask  me,  either  1 

Des  Pr.     And  you  never  went  to  his  apartments  ? 

Cypr.  No,  never,  upon  my  word  of  honor  1 — I 
was  just  about  to  go  for  the  first  time,  after  the 
telegram  came.  Well,  anyway,  I  had  given  you 
warning. 

Des   Pr.     But  you  will   admit,  won't   you,  that 
you  have  had  meetings  with  him  outside  of   the  V 
house  ? 

Cypr.  Yes,  a  few,  in  various  places  ! — on  the 
speedway,  in  arcades,  at  the  museum 

Des  Pr.  And  in  all  those  places  5fou  have  con- 
fined yourselves  to  conversation  ? 

Cypr.     Tender  conversation 

Des  Pr.     Nothing  more  serious  ?     Not  the  least    ' . 
little  kiss  ? 

Cypr.     [Hastily. '\     Oh,  yes  !  x/' 

Des  Pr.     Aha  I 

Cypr.  But  that  isn't  serious,  surely — You  were 
talking  of  serious  things  I 

Des  Pr.     Well  then ? 

Cypr.  [Laughing.  ]  But  what  do  you  care  about 
all  these  little  stories  now  ? 


54  DIVORgONS. 

Des.  Pr.     They  amuse  me ! 

Cypr.  [Gai/y  moving  the  arm-chair  down  a  little^ 
Oh,  very  well,  if  that's  the  case,  listen ;  here's  the 
full  list :  The  first  kiss  was  four  months  ago — on 
the  shoulder,  at  the  Prefecture  ball,  while  he  was 
putting  on  my  cloak ! 

Des  Pr.     One! 

Cypr.  The  second,  last  summer. — \She  hesi- 
tates?^    But  honest,  now — won't  you  be  angry  ? 

Des  Pr.     Do  I  look  like  it  ? 

Cypr.  The  second,  last  summer,  between  two 
doors,  on  the  arm  !  he  even  bit  me ! 

Des  Pr.     Two  ! 

Cypr.  And  the  third,  eight  days  ago,  on  the 
neck,  when  we  were  looking  at  the  little  goldfishes  1 

Des  Pr.     And  the  next  ? 

Cypr.     That's  all  1 

Des  Pr.     Cyprienne  1 

Cypr.  Why,  if  there  was  anything  else,  I  would 
tell  you — now. 

Des  Pr.  {^Risirig^  Nevertheless  I'd  be  very 
much  interested  in  seeing 

Cypr.     \Same  play.^     What? 
\j         Des  Pr.     Your  correspondence. 

Cypr.  His  letters  ?  Do  you  want  to,  dear  ? 
They  are  here. 

Des  Pr.  Here?  Why,  I've  looked  everywhere  1 
\_He  turns  towards  the  left  and  places  his  hand  ?nechan- 
ically  on  the  table,  pointitig  to  the  dining-room  door.'\ 

Cypr.     [^Laughing.'\     Ha,  ha,  ha! 

Des  Pr.     You  laugh  ? 

Cypr.  [^Laughing.']  You  have  your  hand  on 
them 

Des  Pr.  [  Opening  the  drawer  of  the  7i>ork-table.  ] 
In  here  ? — Oh,  this  is  a  secret  ? 

Cypr.     [  Running  to  the  table  and  pushing  a  button, 


DIVORgONS.  55 

a  secret  drawer  opens  toward  the  audience,  on  the 
narrow  side  of  the  table.  ]     There  ! 

Cypr.  [  Taking  a  packet  of  letters  from  the  drawer^ 
And  all  arranged  according  to  dates  ! — 

Des  Pr.  [  Very  anxiously.']  Where's  the  last 
one? 

Cypr.  [  Taking  a  letter  from  the  packet  and  keep- 
ing the  drawer  on  her  knee.]  Here! — See,  I  have 
dated  it  in  pencil:  "November  i6,  1880." 

Des  Pr.  [  Taking  the  letter  excitedly?^  Yesterday  ! 
That  certainly  is  the  one  1  {^Readiyig.]  "  Dear 
heart,  'tis  now  one  hundred  twenty-two  days  since  I 
first  confessed  my  love  to  you — "     It's  in  verse  1 

Cypr.     Think  so  ? 

Des  Pr.  [  Continues  reading.]  "  And  I  am  now 
no  further  advanced  than  at  the  commencement ! 
\^Makes  a  gesture  signifying  satisfaction.]  Oh  Cy- 
prienne  !     Have  pity  on  my  suffering  !  " 

Cypr.     Poor  fellow  1 

Des  Pr.  [  Wiping  his  bro^v  and  handing  her 
back  the  letter?^     Woof  1 

Cypr.  \_Placing  the  letter  back  in  the  packet  and 
the  packet  in  the  drawer.]  Now  you  see  that  I 
haven't  deceived  you  ! 

Des  Pr.  Yes  1  Well,  honestly,  in  spite  of  the 
divorce,  I  like  it  better  so !  \Rummagi71g  in  the 
drawer.]     And  all  these  knickknacks are — what?  / 

Cypr.     Souvenirs ! 

Des  Pr.  Flowers,  ribbons — a  match  ?  \^He 
takes  it.] 

Cypr.  \Taking  it  out  of  his  hands.]  Oh!  that? 
It's  in  memory  of  a  beautiful  fright  that  you  gave 
us  two  weeks  ago. 

Des  Pr.     How  was  that  ? 

Cypr.  One  evening  you  came  in  suddenly.  I 
was  here — think  of  it  1 — with  Adhemar.      I  heard 


56  DIVORgONS. 

you  open  the  door ;  I  had  only  time  enough  to  put 
out  the  lamp,  and  there  we  were  in  the  darkness, 
silent  and  terrified.  You  came  in,  swearing  at  the 
servants,  and  went  to  the  chimney  on  tiptoe.  You 
found  a  box  of  matches,  you  struck  one — crack  I  It 
blazed — and  went  out  1  another — scratch  !  that  one 
blazed  and  went  out — a  third — scratch ! — and  that 
one  didn't  burn  at  all  f  You  went  out  cursing ; 
Adhemar  stole  away  and  I  picked  up  this  match, 
and  have  kept  it,  in  thankfulness  to  the  administra- 
tion 1     [S^e  throT-vs  the  match  back  into  the  draivct?^ 

Des  Pr.  \GaiIyI\  Supposing  I  doubted  that 
story  ?  \Ruinmagi7ig  in  the  drawer  and  fnding  a 
button. '\     A  button  ? 

CvPR.  [  Quickly,  placing  the  drawer  on  the  table.'] 
Overcoat  button  !  Say,  really,  this  is  funny  I  Don't 
you  recognize  it  ?  \^She  lifts  Des  Prunelles'  arm 
so  as  to  place  the  button  close  to  his  eyes.] 

Des  Pr,     No. 

CvPR.  You  picked  it  up  from  the  carpet  one  day 
and  gave  it  to  Josepha,  saying  to  her :  "  Look,  here's 
a  button  to  sew  on  my  overcoat."  [Za7/ghi;ig.]  It 
was  Adhemar's  1 

Des  Pr.  [Laughing  a  trifle  weakly.']  Ha,  ha  I 
Very  funny,  indeed. 

\_Putting  the  button  back  in  the  drawer.] 

CvPR.  Frankly,  now,  you  can't  call  that  infidelity, 
can  you  ? 

Des  Pr.  [  Gaily.]  Thank  heaven !  I  am  still 
intact  1 — But,  by  the  holy  jumping  jiminy,  I  cer- 
tainly escaped  by  the  hair  of  my  teeth  ! 

CvpR.  \_Kissing  him  and  laughing.]  Ha,  ha, 
that's  true,  isn't  it,  goodness  knows  ? 

Bast.  {_ Announcing.]  Monsieur  de  Gratignan  1 
[Adhemar  and  Bastien  stand  stupefied  by  Die  sight 


DIVORgONS.  57 

^t/"  Cyprienne  in  the  arms  of  Des  Prunelles. — 
Bastien  goes  out  immediately^ 

Cypr.     [Astounded.  ]     Adhemar  ? 

Des  Pr.  [  To  Cyprienne.]  Yes,  I  wrote  to  him 
and  begged  him  to  come. 

Adhe.  \Astounded,  to  himself  as  he  comes  dou>n 
left.^     Was  it  to  have  me  see  this  ? 

Des  Pr.  \Gaily.'\  Come  right  in,  young  man, 
you  are  not  out  of  place  here. 

Adhe.     Ah  I     [Cyprienne  r/j<?j^«zV>^/>'.] 

Des  Pr.  \_Sa7ne  tone  approaching  Adhemar 
gaily. '\  And  so,  my  young  friend,  there  is  no  way 
to  conquer  that  love  of  yours  ?  It  is  a  wild  passion, 
a  delirium  ? 

Adhe.     Monsieur  ! 

Des  Pr.  Cyprienne  has  told  me  all !  [^Showing 
him  the  drawer^  The  matches,  the  button,  the 
kisses  on  the  neck,  the  shoulder,  the  arm — Bless 
my  soul,  you're  a  clever  wooer,  you  young  devil ! — 
It  seems  you  bite,  eh  ? 

Adhe.  \_Looking  at  Cyprienne,  tvho  smiles.'] 
You  know  that  ? 

Des  Pr.  \^Sm:li>ig  familiarly.]  Well — to  put 
the  whole  matter  in  a  nutshell — You've  got  to  have 
my  wife,  no  use  talking,  eh  ?  You  positively  must 
have  her  ? 

Adhe.     [Still  astonished.]     But 

Des  Pr.  Very  well,  my  dear  boy,  take  her. 
[  Going  tozcard  Cyprienne.]  Take  her  !  I  hereby 
cede  her  to  you ! 

Adhe.     \_More  confused  than  ever,  at  left.]     Oh  I 

Des  Pr.  Now  will  you  say  I'm  not  a  good 
fellow  ? 

Cypr.     \^Gaily.]     He  doesn't  understand  ! 

Des  Pr.     [  To  Adhemar.]     The  divorce  law ! 

Cypr.     \^ldem.]    We  are  going  to  have  a  divorce  1 


SS  DIVORgONS. 

Des  Pr.     And  you  will  marry  each  other — I'll 
marry  you  1 

Adhe.     The  divorce  law  ? 

Cypr.     Since  it  has  been  passed- 


Adhe.     \^Forgetting  himself r^     Oh,  bosh  1 

Cypr.     \_Surprised.'\  Weill — And  your  telegram  ? 

Des  Pr.  Ah  I  I  understand  ;  in  spite  of  that 
telegram  he  still  had  doubts,  eh  ? — you  had  doubts  ? 

Adhe.     God ! 

Des  Pr.  Very  natural :  I  also.  I  sought  later 
bulletins,  I  went  to  police  headquarters.  Authentic, 
official.     Nothing  could  be  more  certain  ! 

Adhe.     Passed  ? 

Cypr.     Why,  without  a  doubt. 

Adhe.  [  To  himself.  ]  Ah  I  what  a  strange  coin- 
cidence ! 

Des  Pr.  So  I  said  to  myself :  Let's  get  to 
work  at  once  ;  and  after  a  very  cordial  explanation 
with  this  dear  child  here,  we  have  come  to  an  agree- 
ment. It  is  settled,  concluded  ;  we  have  been  mis- 
mated  4  I  pass  her  over  to  you. 

Adhe.  \_A  little  nervous,  advancing  toward him.'\ 
Ah,  Monsieur,  my  hopes  did  not  go  so  far  ! 

Des  Pr.  You're  a  lucky  dog,  my  dear  boy  ;  hm  I 
a  pretty  woman  who  will  bring  you  four  hundred 
thousand  francs  in  her  own  name  ! 

Adhe.     \_Radiant.^     Four  hundred  thousand  I 

Des  Pr.  P'our  hundred  thousand  ! — A  marriage 
for  love  which  happens  to  be  a  good  catch  for  you 
as  well — for  you  haven't  a  soul  Sayl  I  fancy 
you're  not  to  be  pitied  I 

Adhe.  \_Beamitig  with  joy'\  Oh,  no! — Ah! 
Monsiei'r!  \^Asidc,'\  Why,  this  suits  me  to  a  T  I 
\_He  goes  and  places  his  hat  on  the  mantelpiece  and 
returns  to  Des  Pki'nei.lfs.]  Oh  I  Monsieur  1  Oh  ! 
my  benefactor  1     [//<?   hoids   out   his    hand  to  Des 


DIVORgONS.  59 

Prunelles.     Des  Prunelles  takes  it  as  well  as  that 
<7/"Cyprienne  atid,  with  a  gesture,  bids  them  do  like-    / 
wise.     The  three    have  hold  of  each  other's   hands,  • 
forming  a  circle. '\ 

Des  Pr.  Yes,  my  dear  friend,  yes  I — And  now, 
my  friends,  a  truce  to  compliments,  and  let  us  be 
practical.  [Zb  Adhemar.]  Sit  down.  Let  us  talk 
of  our  divorce,  and  carefully  consider  the  ways  and 
means.  \^He  seats  himself  on  the  couch  and  Cypri- 
enne  on  the  tabaret  at  right  of  the  table.  Adhemar 
takes  a  chair  behind  the  couch  and  sits  at  left,  before 
the  small  table.  ] 

Adhe.     [Seated]     That's  the  idea  ! 

Cypr.     [Leaning  u/>on  the  end  of  the  table.]     Yes. 

Des  Pr.  I  understand  the  divorce  law  somewhat. 
Cyprienne  is  conversant  with  k. 

Cypr.     In  every  detail ! 

Des  Pr.  So  we  don't  need  any  outside  help. 
The  new  law  is  nothing  more  than  Part  VI  of  the 
Civil  Code,  slightly  modified.  It  offers  us  various 
modes  of  procedure — The  tirst  and  most  simple  is:  / 
/  divorce  by  mutual  consent.  That's  our  case  exactly. '~^'' 
— And  we  have  fulfilled  the  required  conditions — 
two  years  of  married  life. 

Cypr.     But — the  proceedings  take  too  long  I 

Adhe.     Too  long  ! 

CvpR.  [  Quickly.]  Oh  1  there's  the  petition  for 
a  divorce,  renewed  every  three  months,  each  time 
with  authorization  of  parents  not  deceased,  calling 
of  four  witnesses  aged  fifty  years  or  more,  presenta- 
tion before  the  president  of  the  divorce  tribunal, 
filing  of  documents  and  briefs,  petition  for  entry  of 
case,  paternal  speech  of  the  magistrate,  friendly 
observations  of  witnesses,  quarrel  of  husband  or 
wife,  for  which  see  documents ;  new  lawsuit,  order 
referring  the  case  to  a  judge  sitting  in  chambers, 


6o  DIVORgONS. 

opinion  of  the  magistracy,  verification,  declaration 
of  admission,  order  to  appear  before  the  niayOr,  and, 
H   finally,  decree  qf  divorce  I-/Too  tedious  ! — It  would 
drive  one  crazy  I 

Adhe.     And  these  formalities  take  up ? 

Des  Pr.     [  WAo  has  taken  the  copy  of  the  Code  on 
the  table  and  opened  /'/.]     Phew  !  ten  months  1 
^        Adhe.     [  With  a  startl]     Ten  months  ? 

Des  Pr.     If  no  hindrance  develops. 

Cypr.     And  even  that  isn't  all ! 

Adhe.     Eh  ? 

Cypr.      Because — Article  297.     [7^  Des  Pru- 

,   NELLES,  who  is  lookifig  through   the  Code."]     At  the 

'-'    bottom  of  the  page.  '  "  In  case  of  divorce  by  mutual 

consent,  neither  of  the  parties  may  contract  a  new 

marriage  until  thre^e  years  after  the  granting  of  the 

decree  of  divorce."  \ 

Adhe.     Three  years  1 

Des  Pr.  [^Handing  him  the  Code.]  Total  four 
years. 
V  Cypr.  Hm,  well !  You  see  me  waiting  four 
years,  with  my  arms  crossed,  between  a  husband 
who  no  longer  is  one,  and  another  who  is  not  yet 
one  ! — you  see  me  I 

Des  Pr.     No! 

Cypr.     No  I     Never  in  the  world  1 

Des  Pr.  Impracticable  1  We  shall  have  to  fall 
back  upon  the  divorce  for  stated  cause. 

Adhe.  [  IVho  has  been  consulting  the  Code, 
placing  his  finger  suddenly  on  the  section?^  Adultery  1 
— you  catch  us  both  in  flagrante  delicto? 

Cypr.  In  that  case  it's  quite  another  matter ;  we 
couldn't  marry  at  all. 

Adhe.     \_Scared?^     Eh? 

Cypr.  Article  298. — \^To  Adhemar,  who  is  look- 
ing through  the  Code.]     Top  of  the  page!     Further 


DIVORgONS.  61 

•over  !  further  over  !  "  If  divorce  is  decreed  on  ac- 
count of  adultery,  the  culpable  person  cannot  marry 
his  or  her  accomplice  !  " 

Adhe.     {^Reading  the  clause. '\     Never  1 

CvPR.     For  fear  that  they  may  redeem  their  fault ! 

Des  Pr.  Anyway,  here's  the  point  I  I  would  be 
getting  a  divorce  on  account  of  being  a  wronged 
husband,  and  I  should  have  to  allow  myself  to  be 
deceived  in  order  to  get  it  ?  That  would  be  too 
idiotic  ! 

Adhe.   >    ^,,    ^, 

Cypr.    f    ^ hats  so. 

Des  Pr.     Something  else 

CvpR.  There  isn't  a  great  deal  of  room  for 
choice.  We  could  not  base  our  suit  on  insanity  on 
the  part  of  either  party,  or  abandonment,  or  a  peni- 
tentiary sentence,  or  moral  excesses. 

Adhe.  \^Same  play  as  be/ore,  with  his  finger  on  a 
section.~\  One  moment '.—Suppose  we  base  it  on  a 
certain — a — failure  to  support  on  the  part  of  Mon- 
sieur ? 

CvpR.  \Hastily.'\  Oh,  heavens,  no  !  it  isn't  that 
bad! 

Des  Pr.     \^Fressi?ig  her  hand.'\     Thanks! 

CvpR.  There's  nothing  left  now  but  cruelty  and 
assault. 

Adhe.     Blows  ? 

Des  Pr.  What,  nothing  left  but  that  ?  We  shall 
be  forced  to  box  each  other  on  the  ear  ! 

CvPR.  And  what's  more,  only  those  that  I  get 
will  count ! 

Des  Pr.     Quite  so. 

Cypr.  And  before  witnesses,  in  public — how 
perfectly  lovely  1 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  that  can  be  arranged  very  prettily. 
We  can  invite  a  party  of  (riends  to  dine  with  u«4- 


y 


J 


62  DlVORgONS. 

We  will  dispute  during  the  entire  meal,  and  when 

the  dessert  comes  on 

Cypr.     Oh,  don't  I  that's  revolting  I 

Des    Pr.  ,  Say — there's   plenty   of    women    who 

aren't  averse  to  that  sort  of  thing  ! 

CvpR.     \_Jiismg.^     Oh,  well — that's  in  the  heat 

of  passion. 

[Adhemar  a/so  rises  and  goes  to  place  the  chair  at  left, 
close  to  the  door."] 

^         Des  Pr.     ^^JUsing."]     Well  then,  mutual  consent, 
four  years. 

Cypr.     [  Objecting  strongly.  ]     No  1 
^       Des  Pr.     Then — the  slap  in  the  face  I 

Adhe.  [^//r^a<r/«>/^  Cyprienne.]  Ah,  dearest 
one,  for  my  sake,  I  entreat  you  I — accept  1 

Des  Pr.     Yes,  why  not,  a  little  slap  I — so  little, 
so  tiny,  teeny-weeny  1 
^        Cypr.     There's  no  other  way  I — I  must  1 

Des  Pr.     All  right ;  that  goes,  then  ? 

Cypr.     It  goes ! 

Des  Pr.  Bravo  !  By  that  method,  at  any  rate, 
you'll  have  only  ten  months  to  wait. 

Cypr.  And  as  things  look  now  that's  a  pretty 
fair  prospect. 

Des  Pr.  {^Passing  between  them.]  And  right 
here,  my  dear  children,  permit  me  to  make  a  few 
carefully  weighed  observations.  My  willingness  to 
oblige  is  unbounded,  you  will  admit,  and  you  cer- 
tainly would  not  want  to  recompense  with  ingrati- 
tude a  generosity  of  which  there  are,  I  dare  say,  few 
examples. 

Adhe.     Ah!  Monsieur! 

Cypr.     Ah  !   my  dear,  dear  friend  ! 

Des  Pr.     Very  well  then,  I  conjure  you,  since 


DIVORgONS.  63 

you  have  but  a  ten-months'  wait,  impose  silence  on 
your  hearts.  Until  our  divorce  is  pronounced,  I 
beseech  you,  my  children,  respect  my  honor,  as 
well,  and  in  fact  a  little  better  than  you  have  done 
thus  far  I  And,  in  pursuance  of  this  plan,  if  I  were 
in  your  place,  I  would  suppress  kissing  as  danger- 
ous and  exciting.  If  you  abuse  this  privilege  now, 
what  will  you  do  later  with  your  evenings  ?  I  will 
add  for  your  special  ear,  young  man,  for  it  is  to  you 
especially  that  I  address  myself,  that  your  personal 
interest,  if  personal  interest  has  any  weight  with  a 
soul  so  deeply  in  love, — that  your  best  interests  bid 
you  act  with  the  greatest  possible  restraint  toward 
Madame.  It  is  an  unexpected  stroke  of  good  for- 
tune for  you,  to  marry  twenty  thousand  francs  a 
year,  when  one  considers  your  salary  of  twenty-six 
hundred  francs.  Don't  do  anything  that  might 
spoil  so  charming  a  state  of  affairs.  Ten  months 
— it's  a  long  time.  Who  can  guarantee  you  that 
your  passion  will  not  be  sated  ?  and  that  at  the 
moment  of  your  marriage  one  of  you  may  not  cry 
out,  "  No,  by  gracious  I  I've  had  enough  of  it !  I 
don't  want  any  more !  " 

Adhe.     Oh! 

Des  Pr.     Ah  I  the  uncharted  rock  of  your  situa- 
tion is  satiety.     Don't  spoil  your  supper  by  taking'- 
an  afternoon  lunch ! 

Adhe.     No,  Monsieur,  no. 

Des  Pr.  [To  Adhemar,  wi'/A  an  air  of  camara- 
derie.'^ Say,  do  you  know  what  I  would  do,  if  I 
were  in  your  shoes  ?  I'll  tell  you.  I  would  accept 
that  place  at  Arcachon  at  once,  and  I  would  leave 
this  evening ;  and  for  some  time  to  come  I  would 
stay  away  from  here. 

Adhe.     Ah  !  Monsieur  I 

Des  Pr.     Well — it  would  be  the  part  of  wisdom  I 


64  DIVORgONS. 

[Adhemar  and  Cyprienne  regard  each  other  pit- 
eously.'\  So,  consider,  weigh  matters,  it's  the 
counsel  of  a  friend  that  I'm  giving  you.  And  I 
hope  it  won't  be  the  last  one,  either.  [  With  emo- 
tion, putting  Csvva^n'iJi'E.'s  arm  in  his.'\  When  you 
are  married,  my  dear  friends,  you  will  permit  me, 
won't  you,  to  come  and  see  you  now  and  then  ? 
You  will  reserve  a  little  place  for  me  between  you, 
at  your  fireside  ? — at  your  table — Sundays  ? 

Cypr.     [  Touched?^     Ah,  yes,  my  dear  friend  I 

Adhe.     \^Same  play.^^     Ah,  yes  ! 

Des  Pr.  Hey  ?  Good  Lord,  I  could  be  useful 
to  you  occasionally  1  The  advice  I  could  give  you, 
through  my  experience  1  [  Tapping  Cyprienne's 
hand.\  My  profound  comprehension  of  her  char- 
acter! And  then  your  household  affairs — I  will 
guide  you  in  the  choice  of  your  little  economies — 
if  you  think  of  making  any.  With  an  income  of 
twenty-two  thousand  six  hundred  francs  one  can't 
do  very  much — \This  observation  causes  a  start  on 
the  part  of  Cyprienne.] — especially  when  a  person 
is  accustomed,  like  her,  to  eat  up  sixty  thousand. 
[Cyprienne  is  again  struck  with  the  force  of  the 
idea.'\  But  of  course,  with  care,  and  with  great  econ- 
omy in  table  expenses,  choice  of  apartments,  dress, 
and  horses  especially — a  great  many  sacrifices  I  For 
while  it  is  a  stroke  of  fortune  for  you,  my  friend,  for 
her  it  will  mean  a  sacrifice  t  But  making  a  sacrifice 
for  the  man  a  woman  loves — that  is  the  greatest  hap- 
piness in  the  world  !  [  Taking  Adhemar's  arm  with- 
out letting  go  ^Cyprienne's.]  And  I  will  be  able 
to  say,  as  I  look  at  you  : — "  They  are  happy  I  And 
it  is  I  that  have  made  them  so! — Tliis,  this  is  my 
work !  "  And  that  is  a  tender  thought ;  it  is  a  sweet 
thought,  I  assure  you  ! — Positively,  I  am  getting 
foolish  !  the  thought  touches  me !     \^To  Cyprienne, 


DIVORgONS.  6s 

taking  her  in  his  arms.']     My  dear,  dear  child.    [  To 
Adhemar.]     You  will  permit  me  ? 

Adhe.     Oh,  I  entreat  you ;  go  ahead. 

Des  Pr.  \Kissifig  C^VKi^i^'U'E.  upon  the  forehead.'\ 
One  cannot  have  lived  so  long  a  time  in  the  great- 
est possible  intimacy  with  another,  without  there 
being  a  certain  grief,  \^To  Cyprienne  arraftging  a 
curl  2ipon  her  forehead.]  You  will  think  of  me 
sometimes,  won't  you,  Madame  ? 

CvPR.  {^Touched^  Aren't  you  going  to  call  me 
"  dear  "  any  more  ? 

Des  Pr.  Well— all  right,  I  will.  \^To  Adhe- 
mar.] You  will  permit  me?  \^To  Cyprienne.] 
Yes,  you  will  think  of  me,  dear.  \_He  kisses  her^  and 
tiir?itfig  toivard Adu'e.mak  says  :']  Thanks.  \_Lead- 
ing  Cyprienne  over  toward  Adhemar.]  And  now, 
my  children,  it  is  right  that  you  be  left  alone  !  You 
will  have  supper  here,  won't  you,  my  dear  suc- 
cessor ? 

Adhe.     Oh!  Monsieur! 

Des  Pr.  \_Going  up  right."]  Do,  I  beg  of  you. 
Have  supper  here — before  your  departure ! — Take 
supper  here.  You  will  be  doing  me  a  favor  !  \_He 
holds  out  his  hand  to  Adhemar.] 

Adhe.  \_Passitig  behind  the  table  to  go  to  him.] 
Ah,  Monsieur,  how  can  I  show  my  gratitude  to  you  ? 

Des  Pr.  [  Grasping  his  hand  and  with  emotion.~\ 
By  making  her  happy! — I'll  leave  you  for  a  few 
moments,  my  dear  children  ! — for  a  few  moments  ! 
\_PIe  opens  the  door  of  his  study,  turns  round  to  give 
Adhemar  a  final  handshake  and  goes  out  quickly. 
Adhemar  7aith  a  gaze  of  admiration  watches  him 
goes  out.  ] 

Cypr.     \^Aside  at  left  in  front  of  the  table. '\  Twenty  v 
thousand   francs   instead   of   sixty, — that    isn't   so 
lovely  either. 


66  DIVORgONS. 

Adhe.  [  Quite  overjoyed,  coming  down  quickly  to 
Cyprienne.]  Ah!  Cyprienne !  Won't  we  be 
happy,  though  ? 

Cypr.     Yes,  my  dear,  yes. — You  especially  ! 

Adhe.     [  Walks  back  andforthy  and  reaching  the 
^  extreme  right ,  says  with  enthusiasm.^     Ah!   loving 
one  another  openly,  without  secrets,  without  plots, 
without  danger  I 

Cypr.  So  that  bothered  you  ?  That's  odd ; 
for  my  part  it  was  exactly  those  things  that  gave  the 
affair  charm  for  me. 

Adhe.  [  Quickly ,  going  up  a  little  and  pointing  to 
Des  Prunelles' j-/«^' </i?<?r.  ]  Same  here — but  I  felt 
considerable  remorse  at  the  thought  of  deceiving 
that  noble-hearted  gentleman.  But  now — all  is 
security,  calm  ! 

Cypr.  A  great  calm,  my  dear  friend — ah,  what 
a  calm  ! 

Adhe.  [^Coming  down  toward  Cyprie:^^e,  with- 
out looking  at  her.]  We  are  strong  enough  to  make 
the  sacrifices  that  he  imposes  on  us,  arent  we,  my 
Cyprienne  ?  - 

,  Cypr.     Yes,  my  dear,  yes. 

Adhe.  [As  before.]  And  strong  enough  to  avoid 
betraying  such  great  confidence  ? 

Cypr.     Quite  so,  my  dear  friend,  quite  so  ! 

Adhe.  \_Turning  to7vard  the  door  g/'De.s  Pru- 
nelles'  apartment.]  That  man!  What  gener- 
osity !     What  a  heart  1  what  a  soul ! 

Cypr.     [  Quietly.  ]     Yes,  yes,  my  dear  friend  I — 
It  is  I  who  am  a  beast  1 
yr    Adhe.     [^Running  to  Cyprienne.]     Ah  ! 
-^     Cypr.     Good  gracious,  if  he  has  all  the  virtues, 
I  am  doing  wrong,  you'll  have  to  admit,  to  cast  him 
aside  for  the  sake  of  my  lover. 

Adhe.     \_Hastily.]     Don't    use    that  word    any 


DIVORgONS.  67 

more,  Cyprienne.     Your  lover  exists  no  more :  I  am 
no  longer  your  lover 

CvPR.     No ;  at  present  you  are  my  husband  ! 

Adhe.  To  be !  Your  husband  in  waiting,  who 
now  sees  in  you  only  a  fiancee,  and,  as  such,  honors 
you  and  respects  you  1 

CvpR.  Very  true,  my  dear,  you  respect  me — he 
respects  me — I  am  a  much-respected  woman. 

Adhe.  [Following  up  his  idea,  with  transport.'\ 
Ten  months — after  all,  what's  that  ? 

Cypr.     It  is  lost  time  ! 

Adhe.  [  Without  listening  to  her.  ]  Ah !  I  shall 
willingly  wait ! 

CvPR.     Thanks. — 

Adhe.     [Still  without  hearing  her.'\     And  I  will  v 
depart  to-morrow,   as  he  desires,  to  show  how  far 
my  respect  for  him  goes. 

Cypr.  [With  ironical  calm.']  Oh,  say  it  again, 
my  dear,  so  that  I  can  be  sure 

Adhe.  [Surprised  at  her  tone.]  Are  you  feeling 
a  little  nervous,  Cyprienne  ? 

Cypr.     Do  you  think  so  ? 

Adhe.  Yes,  this  display  of  feeling — this  abrupt 
change  1  [Passing  over  behind  the  table  and  the 
couch  to  get  his  hat  o?i  the  mantelpiece.]  Calm  your- 
self, soul  of  my  life !  I  am  going  to  hurry  to  my 
sister's ;  she  expects  me  at  dinner ;  I  will  excuse 
myself  and  come  back. 

Cypr.  Do  so,  my  dear,  and  take  care  that  you 
don't  catch  cold  on  the  way. 

Adhe.  [Behind  the  couch.]  Oh,  I've  brought 
my  overcoat. 

Cypr.     Oh!   then — — 

Adhe.     And  what  will  we  do  after  dinner  ? 

CvpR.  [Ironically.]  We'll  have  a  game  of  bridge 
whist. 


6S  DIVORgONS. 

Adhe.     {^Delightedly.']     As  you  say  ! 

CvPR.     O  happiness. 

Adhe.  I'll  hurry  back.  My  soul,  my  life,  my 
treasure!  {Going  out,  apart.'\  /Four  hundred 
thousand  francs  ! — treasure,  that's  the  right  word  ! 
{Exit.'\ 

CvPR.  \Alone,  after  a  second  of  reflection.  ]  Well 
— really— now  that  it's  no  longer  forbidden — i^ 
hasn't  the  same  savor  at  all  1 

[Madame  de  Brionne  runs  in  and  approaches 
Cyprtenne,  crossing  behind  the  table.  Madaj,ie 
DE  VALFONTAiNE/f7//<?tt'i  her.  Clavignac,  who 
brought  them,  comes  do^vn  left.  ] 

Mme  de  B.     {Briskly,  gaily."]     Ah !  my  dear,  so 

it  is  true  ? 

Mme  de  V.     Has  it  really  happened  ? 

Cypr.     What  ? 

Mme  de  B.    )    rr.,     j-  , 

ikr         ^  f  r     ?■    The  divorce  law. 
Mme  de  V.    ) 

CvpR.     Passed  ?     Oh,  yes. 

Mme  de  B.     I  win,  I  win  I 

Clav.  {To  Madame  de  Valfontaine. ]  You 
see  now 

CvPR.     What  is  it  about  ? 

Clav.  [7i?  Cvprienne.]  I  met  these  ladies  on 
the  boulevard.  Madame  de  Valfontaine  wouldn't 
believe  the  news  was  true. 

Mme  de  B.     We  made  a  bet  I 

Mme  de  V.  And  I  don't  believe  yet  that  I  have 
lost! 

Cvpr.     Oh,  goodness 

Clav.     Where's  the  telegram  ? 

Mme  de  B.     Have  you  it,  dear  ? 

Cpvr.  No,  Monsieur  Des  Prunelles  has  it. — 
Wait   a   minute.     [Madame  de  Valfontaine  has 


DIVORgONS.  69 

seated  herself  on  the  couch,  Madame  de  Brionne  is 
standing  at  her  left,  and  Clavignac  at  the  extreme 
left.  Cyprienne  goes  and  raps  on  the  door  at  rear.'\ 
Henri ! 

Des  Pr.  [  Opening  the  door  slightly,  says  tenderly.  J 
What  is  it,  darling  ? 

Cypr.  \^AJfectionately.'\  Don't  disturb  yourself, 
my  dear  ;  just  one  word. 

Des  Pr.  I'll  be  with  you,  dearest,  I'll  be  with 
you  right  off  !  in  a  second  ! 

Mme  de  V.     [7^  Madame  de  Brionne,  whisper- 
ing.]    Oh,  gracious,  but  aren't  they  sweet  to  each' 
other  ? 

Clav.  There  you  are. — The  very  hope  of 
divorce 

[Des  Prunelles  comes  out  of  his  study  in  a  dress 
suit  and  white  tie.  ] 

Des  Pr.  [Taking  Cwva^.^'H^'s  hand  affectionately 
in  both  his  hands  and  coming  dow?i  with  her.]  Well, 
what  is  it,  darling  ?  \_Perceiving  the  ladies,  gallantly 
and  gaily. '\     Ah!  Ladies,  beg  pardon ! 

Mme  de  V.     It's  we  again. 

Des  Pr.  [Gallant,  amiable,  quite  different  from 
his  manner  in  the  first  act.'\  Never  too  often  !  [He 
shakes  hands  with  Madame  de  Brionne  across  the 
couch. \ 

Cypr.  These  ladies,  my  dear,  would  very  much 
like  to  look  at  the  famous  telegram. 

Des  Pr.  [Comifig  douin.~\  Why,  certainly,  I  have 
it  with  me  right  along  now.  \^He  takes  it  out  of  his 
wallet  and  hands  it  to  Madame  de  Valfontaine.  ] 
Here  you  are ! 

Mme  de  V.  [Reading.]  Passed! — Enormous 
majority. 


7©  DIVORgONS. 

Mme  de  B.  [To  Madame  de  Valfontaine.] 
Aha!  you've  lost,  dearie  ;  that  settles  it! 

Mme  DE  V.  [^Spitefully.]  Settles  it?  Not  yet. 
How  about  the  Senate. 

All.     [Laughing.]     Oh ! 

Mme  de  B.     If  that's  the  only  obstacle 

Cypr.  Well !  What  astonishes  me  is  the  fact 
that  the  wife  is  vexed  at  the  result — and  the  widow 
rejoices  ! 

Mme  de  V.  It  was  so  satisfactory  as  it  was — 
Monsieur  on  his  side  of  the  fence,  and  Madame  on 
hers.     What  need  of  a  divorce  ? 

Cypr.  [To  Madame  de  Brionne.]  That  ex- 
plains one  case. — But  you,  Estelle  ;  you  are  radiant 
with  joy ! 

Mme  de  B.  Well,  that's  partly  because  I  have 
won  my  bet.  And  then — it  used  to  be  my  idea  to 
marry  a  widower,  because  he  would  have  expended 
all  his  ill-humor  on  his  late  partner.  But  a  divorced 
man  is  better  still.  The  first  wife  exasperated  him 
so  much  that  he  will  be  sure  to  find  the  second 
charming  I 

Des  Pr.  [Laughitig.]  Ha,  ha  1  very  funny  ! — 
very,  very  funny  !  [He  kisses  her  hand.  Cvprienne 
looks  at  him  with  astonishment.  ] 

Mme  de  B.  [Taking  the  telegram  and  passing  in 
front  of  Madame  de  Valfontaine  and  Des  Pru- 
NELLES.]  Will  you  excuse  me.  Monsieur?  And 
you,  dear? 

Cypr.     What  are  you  going  to  do  ? 

Mme  de  B.  About  a  score  of  women  followed  us 
to  your  door  to  find  out  if  there  really  was  such  a 
telegram.  They  didn't  have  the  courage  to  come 
in.  But  they  are  outside,  in  front  of  the  iron  gate, 
and  I  have  promised  to  show  it  to  them  from  a 
distance. 


DIVORgOXS.  71 

Des  Pr.  {^Opening  the  door  at  the  light. '\  Exhibit 
it,  Madame,  exhibit  it !     Let  us  not  be  seltish  I 

Mme  de  B,  [  Unfolding  the  telegram.']  You  will  > 
seethe  effect  that  this  little  flag  will  have. /[.S"//*?^ 
waves  the  telegram  in  the  air  ?iear  the  window.'\  J 

Cries.     [  Without?^     Hurrah !     Hurrah ! 

Mme  DE  B.     [^Turnirig  round.']     All  married  ! 

Clav.     There's  going  to  be  fireworks  ! 

Mme  de  B.  They  won't  be  completely  happy 
until  ihey  have  laid  their  hands  on  it.  [71?  Des 
Pruxelles.]  Would  you  allow  us  to  make  a  copy 
of  it  ? 

Des  Pr.     Most  assuredly  I 

[Madame  de  Brionne  goes  out  through  the  garden 
door.  Madame  de  Valfontaine  and  Cvpri- 
ENNE  stand  at  the  threshold  to  •watch.'] 

Des  Pr.  \_Aside  to  Cl avion ac,  dragging  him  / 
toward  the  proscenium.']     Thanks,  old  boy  ! 

Clav,     \_Satne  tone^     What  for  ? 

Des  Pr.     \_Sanie play.]     For  the  rapid  dissemin-x 
ation  that  you  have  given  this  false  report ! 

\_A  murmur,    with    cries   of   satisfaction,    is  heard 
withoiit.] 

Clav,     \^As  before^     What !     That  telegram  ? 

Des  Pr.     False  as  a  counterfeit  coin  1     It  was  v 
gotten  up  by  Mr.  Adhemar. 

Clav.     \^Loth  to  believe.]     Ah  I 

Des  Pr.     Hush,  man  I 

Clav.  What,  you  old  scoundrel,  and  you  went 
and  caused  me  this  false  joy,  by  pretending  to 
believe  in  it  yourself  ? 

Des  Pr.     It  was  part  of  my  game  1 


'J2  DIVORgONS. 

Clav.  And  why  didn't  you  take  me  into  your 
confidence  ? 

Des  Pr.  Would  you  have  retailed  the  report 
with  such  great  assiduity  if  I  had  ? 

Clav.      Say  !      You  deserve But  what  good 

will  this  do  you  ? 
^     Des  Pr.     It  will  bring  me  back  my  wife,  without 
the  shadow  of  a  doubt. 

Clav.  Aw,  boshl — What  would  Adhemar  be 
doing  ? 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  not  so  fast.     I  have  spiked  Mon- 
^'    sieur  Adhemar's  guns.      And  I'm  going  to  put  a 
dunce-cap  on  both  their  heads. 

Clav.     What  ? 
v/       Des  Pr.      I  will   get    a   divorce  1      And    I    will 
marry  them  to  one  another  I 

Clav.     Well 

Des  Pr.     Lord 1 

Clav.     And  then ? 

/       Des  Pr.      Why,   then,    then,    you   great   booby, 
^   don't  you  see  that  the  husband  will  be  Adhemar  ? 
^^      Clav.     And  the  lover  will  be — you  I 

Des  Pr.  [^Noticing  that  the  women  are  coming 
back  into  the  room.^     Sh  I 

Mme  de  B.  Coming  back  with  Cvprienne  and 
Madame  de- Valfontaine.]  Radiant  I  they  are 
radiant !  Here,  dear  Monsieur — your  talisman. 
\^She  hands  him  back  the  telegram.^ 

Des  Pr.  \Kissing  her  hand.'\  May  it  bring  you 
joyl 

Mme  de  B.  [G^fl//>'.]  I  accept  that  wish  as  a 
prophecy!  \To  Cyprienne.]  Good  day,  dearie  1 
[Exit,  rear."] 

CvPR.  Until  to-morrow!  [Escorting  Mme  de 
Valfontaine  up  stage.^  Come,  my  dear,  brighten 
up  1 


DIVORgONS.  73 

Mme  de  V.  Never  again  1  They  have  mur- 
dered gallantry !  [Mmes.  de  Valfontaine  and  de 
Brionne  go  out  accompanied  by  Cyprienne.] 

Clav.     [^Aside  to  Des  Prunelles.]     Well  then —     / 
you  can  dine  with  me  now  ? 

Des  Pr.     No;  but  perhaps  I'll  dine  near  you!-, 

Clav.     What  ? 

Des  Pr.  [^Seeing  his  wife  coming  back."]  Hush  1 
Out  with  you,  and  mum's  the  word  ! 

Clav.     \_To  Cyprienne  bowing.']     Madame 

[Cyprienne  bows  to  him  without  speaking  He  goes 
out.  Meanwhile  Bastien  has  entered  by  the  door  at 
rear  right,  has  placed  Des  Prunelles'  overcoat  and 
hat  on  the  pouf,  and  goes  out.  ] 

Des  Pr.     [  Going  to  take  his  hat  and  coat,  while 
Cyprienne  comes  down,  right.]     And  now,  my  dear   / 
child,  I  also  will  bid  you  good  evening. 

Cypr.  \^Shocked.'\  What,  good  evening  .-'  Aren't 
you  going  to  dine  at  home,  dear  ? 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  no ! 

Cypr.     But  you  invited  Adhemar  to  supper ! 

Des  Pr.     With  you — not  with  me  ! 

Cypr.  Ah  !  I  understood — It  was  such  a  pretty 
idea,  a  sort  of  betrothal  dinner,  just  for  us  three  1 

Des  Pr.      \^Afaking  another  step  to  get  his  hat  and 
foat.  ]     No,  my  pretty  baby.     You  will  like  it  better 
dining  alone — just  you  two.     My  presence  would V 
put  a  damper  on  the  young  man's  pleasure. 

Cypr.  \^Still  at  left.]  Why,  on  the  contrary, 
you  would  inject  some  life  into  him.  Now  that  he 
is  to  marry  me,  he  is  congealed — he's  a  cake  of  ice. 

Des  Pr.  [Coming  back  toward  her,  behind  the 
couch.  And  besides,  to  speak  sincerely,  I'm  glad 
to  have  the  opportunity  to  go  out  and  take  the  air, 
and  to  stretch  my  arms  a  little  on  being  released 
from  my  prison. 


74  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  Now — my  whole  evening  is  spoilt !  Oh, 
please  stay  1 

Des  Pr.  ^Starting  to  go.^  Honestly,  I  can't, 
duckie.  Well — ^good  evening  1  \^He  holds  out  his 
hand  to  her  across  the  table  J] 

Cypr.  {^Approaching  the  table  and  holding  on  to 
his  hand.'\     But  where  are  you  going  to  eat  ? 

Des  Pr.     [  With  the  air  of  o?ie  who  ivants  to  get 
^  away.'\     At  Dagneau's,  the  Grand  Vatel. 

Cypr.     \_Still  holding  his  hand.'\     Alone  ? 

Des  Pr.     Probably,     [^ffe  takes  his  hand  away.] 

Cypr.     Oh  !  you  aren't  sure  ? 

Des  Pr.     Well ! 

Cypr.     Is  someone  expecting  you? 

Des  Pr.     No — but  I  may  find  some  friend. 

Cypr.     A  woman  ? 

Des  Pr.     [Laughing.]     Oh ! 
^        Cypr.     Now  confess  that  you're  going  to  dine 
with  some  woman. 

Des  Pr.  [Laughing.]  I  assure  you  I  am  not, 
dear. 

Cypr.     Henri,  don't  lie. 

Des  Pr.     [Laughing again.]     But  I'm  not  lying  1 

Cypr.  You  are  not  frank  and  open.  That  isn't 
loyalty.  I  told  you  everything.  Now  you  tell  me 
everything.    Who  is  she  ?    Please  tell  me  who  she  is. 

Des  Pr,  [Sameplaj.]  Well,  since  I  don't  know 
her  myself. 

Cypr.  [Approaching  him  and  rumpling  his  neck- 
tie slightly.]  Do  you  mean  to  say  that  you've  gone 
and  dressed  yourself  up  like  that  to  dine  alone  ? 

Des  Pr.     Certainly  1 

Cypr.  You  never  made  yourself  so  handsome 
for  me  ? 

Des  Pr.     Well,  upon  my  word ! 

Cypr.     [Half  angry  and  seeking  to  wheedle  him,'\ 


y 


DIVORgONS.  75 

Anyway,  as  things  are  now,  this  is  very  funny — 
these  mysterious  goings  on — why  ?  [  Taking  his 
arm  in  a  friendly  way.]  What  difference  would  it 
make  to  me  now  ?  We're  only  good  friends ;  that's 
all — isn't  it  ?     Two  comrades — two  jolly  boys  ? 

Des  Pr.     Surely. 

Cypr.     All  right,  then ? 

Des  Pr.     All  right,  then — what  difference  does 
it  make  to  you  ? 

Cypr,     Why,  I  just  want  to  know  !     It  vexes  me 
not  to  know. 

Des  Pr.     \_Zaughing.']      But   I    repeat   there   is 
nobody. 

Cypr.     \_Letting  go  of  his  arm.]     You  don't  seem 
to  be  able  to  say  it  without  laughing. 

Des  Pr.     I  laugh — because  it's  too  funny,  this 
access  of  posthumous  jealousy. 

Cypr.     But  it  isn't  jealousy  ;  it's  curiosity.     And 
that's  entirely  natural,  surely.     All  women 

Des  Pr.     Well,  anyway,  I  can't  tell  you,  my  dear. 

Cypr.     \_Hasiily.'\     Ah,  you  can't  1     There  you 
are ! 

Des  Pr.     Because 

Cypr.     Because  you're  afraid  it  will  compromise 
her? 

Des  Pr.     No,  because 

Cypr.     [  Without  Iisiening.'\     Do  I  know  her  ? 

Des  Pr.     No  more  than  I. 

Cypr.     [Hastily.']     But  as  much!     Is  it  one  of 
my  acquaintances  ? 

Des  Pr.     Dear,  if  you 

Cypr.     I'll  wager  it's  one  of  my  friends  1 

Des  Pr.     Oh  1 

Cypr.     Oh,  that's  the  way  it  always  is  I     I'll  bet    y 

that  if  I   investigate \^Sudden/y.'\     Madame  de 

Brionne ! 


76  DIVORgONS.  76 

Des  Pr.     Estelle  ? 

Cypr.  Estelle  1 — That's  it ;  you've  given  your- 
self away  1 

Des  Pr.     No,  I  haven't. 

CvPR.  Oh  1  "  Estelle  !  "  Come  now,  doesn't 
that  make  it  plain  ? 

Des  Pr.  But  I  call  her  "  Estelle  "  just  as  you 
do,  my  dear. 

Cypr.  \^Moving  a  little  way  off  from  him.'\  Oh, 
yes,  like  me,  nothing!  I  say  "  Estelle,"  short,  like 
that.  But  you—"  Est — e — elle  1 "  You  bleat  her 
name !    I'll  wager  my  best  hat  there's  something  in  it ! 

Des  Pr.     But — 

Cypr.  Oh !  anyway,  I've  had  my  suspicions 
about  it,  don't  you  ever  think 

Des  Pr.     Aha  I 

Cypr.  She  was  always  snooping  around  in  my 
house  and  I  never  could  endure  her,  the  affected 
thing,  with  her  giddy  airs  !  An  intriguing  creature, 
jealous,  envious,  deceitful  I  ^ 

Des  Pr.     Oh  ! 

Cypr.  [Leaning against  the  table.']  Oh,  naturally 
you  defend  her — and  she's  made  up  from  head  to 
foot  1  Hair,  eyebrows,  eyelashes — none  of  it  is  her 
own.  Painted,  enameled,  varnished  !  She  has  a 
smile — goodness,  I  wonder  what  she  made  that 
with ! 

Des  Pr.     Oh ! 

Cypr.  [Moving  away  from  the  table  slightly.'] 
Besides,  she  gave  herself  away  just  now,  when  she 
told  us  that  she  wanted  the  divorce  law  to  pass,  so 
that  she  could  have  another  woman's  husband!  And 
only  a  few  minutes  ago,  here,  right  under  my  nose, 
she  was  all  lighted  up  with  smiles — She  actually 
danced  for  joy !  You  kissed  her  hands — I  call  that 
indecent ! 


DIVORgONS.  77 

Des  Pr.     If  you'd  only  let  me 

Cypr.  Well,  so  that's  your  conquest!  Really, 
I  can't  compliment  you  on  it! 

Des  Pr.  Come  now,  lovey,  that's  not  very  good 
taste  on  your  part.  I  didn't  rip  your  Adhemar  up 
the  back. 

Cypr.  [Going  up  left.'\  Oh,  go  ahead  and  do 
it  1 — "  Estelle  1 " — I  can  see  through  a  glass  window  1 
— "  Estelle  I " — I  believe  you're  foolish  enough  to 
marry  her  1 

Des  Pr.     I'd  like  to  call  your  attention 

Cypr,  [  With  both  hands  on  the  back  cushion  of 
the  couch."]     Are  you  going  to  marry  her  ? 

Des  Pr.     I  haven't  said  so, 

Cypr.  But  you  will!  [JVith  an  exc/amation 
of  horror. '\  Oh! — And  you  would  marry  that 
little  devil,  who  deceived  her  first  husband,  who 
will  deceive  you  as  she  did  him,  and  who  will 
deceive  the  third,  when  you  are  gone,  poisoned  to 
death  by  her  chemical  products  1  \As  she  speaks 
she  gradually  gets  over  to  the  right,  behind  the 
table.'] 

Des  Pr,  You  carry  things  pretty  far !  \^He  sits 
down  on  the  couch,  putting  on  his  gloves. 

Cypr.  \Coming  down  to  the  front  of  the  stage, 
right.]  And  so  that  rouge-pot  will  take  my  place 
here  1  She  will  install  herself  in  my  house — \^Goes 
up  and  strikes  the  arm-chair.] — among  my  furniture  ! 
She  will  bespatter  me  with  mud  from  my  own  car- 
riages!  [Goifig  toward  T>^?>  Prunelles,  in  front 
of  the  table.]  Why,  if  I  knew  it  was  going  to  beV 
that  way — rather  than  let  you  do  it — I  wouldn't 
accept  the  divorce  I 

Des  Pr.     And  how  about  Adhemar  ? 

Cypr,  \_Sinking  into  the  arm-chair  at  right  of  thi 
table.]     Oh,  Adhemar  I — To  think  that  I  am  to  be 


78  DIVORgONS. 

cast  aside  for  that  wax  doll  I  Oh,  heavens  1  No, 
no  I  really,  that's  too  much  I 

Des  Pr.  [Standing.']  I  am  not  casting  you 
aside.     We're  casting  each  other  aside. 

Cypr.  [J^ising  and  coming  down.']  If  it  were 
someone  else,  I  wouldn't  care. — But  that  woman — 
Ohl 

Des  Pr.  [Behind  her.]  All  right,  be  happy, 
then — it  isn't  she  I 

Cypr.  [  Turning  suddenly  round  toward  him  and 
seiziiig  the  lapel  of  his  coat  to  look  at  him  face  to  face. "] 
Then  it's  some  other  woman  ? 

Des  Pr.     I 

Cypr.     Who  ? 

Des  Pr.     Since  you  don't  care- 


Cypr.  I  don't  carel  No,  I  don't  care!  But 
please  tell  me  who  ? 

Des  Pr.     Why  ? 

Cypr.     Is  she  young  ?     Pretty  ? 

Des  Pr.     Since 

Cypr.     Prettier  than  I  ? 

Des  Pr.     But  what  does  it  signify  to  you  ? 

Cypr.  [Resolutely  and  with  comic  approach  to 
a  cry.]     It — bothers  me  1 

Des  Pr.     Bosh  1 

Cypr.  Yes,  it  bothers  me,  so  there — to  think 
that  you  would  go  off  like  that,  right  away,  and  run 
around  with  some  other  woman.  It's  silly,  of  course 
I  know — but  it's  too  much  for  me  ;  it  worries  me  1 

Des  Pr.     [Laughing?^     Still 

Cypr.  And  besides,  you  are  too  merry,  you  have 
too  happy  an  air.     I  have  never  seen  you  so  joyous. 

Des  Pr.  [Taking  her  hands  as  if  to  say  good-by. 
Both  in  the  arm-chair!]  But  there  is  an  excellent 
reason  for  that,  you  silly  little  kitten.  My  inde- 
pendence, your  serenity  of  mind,  our  mutual  hap- 


DIVORgONS.  79 

piness  1     I  am  happy  to  see  you  happy,  dear — for  \J 
of  course  you  are  happy,  aren't  you  ? 

Cypr.  \Kneeling  on  the  arm-chair^  without  cer- 
tainty.']^    Yes. 

Des  Pr.     Well  then ? 

Cypr.     \Ready  to  cryJ]     But  there's  a  big  fly  in  ^ 
my  soup  ! 

Des  Pr.     How's  that  ? 

Cypr.     \Sinking  into  his  arms  across  the  arm-chair  ^ 
and  btirsting  into  tears."]     You  aren't  sorry  enough 
about  leaving  me  ! 

Des  Pr.     Ah  1 

Cypr.  [Sti//  crying.]  No,  you  aren't  a  bit  kind  I 
You  throw  me  into  a  corner  like  an  old  bouquet. 
So  there,  so  there!  It's  humiliating,  I  won't  be 
thrown  away  like  that ! 

Des  Pr.  [Straining  her  to  his  heart  and  patting 
her  on  the  back.]  Well,  then  am  I  to  understand 
that  you  do  not  want  to  be  separated  from  me  ? 

Cypr.  [As  before.]  No,  but  that  doesn't  prevent 
me  from  having  certain  regrets — I  have  some  regrets, 
/  have  ;  but  you,  not  one  !  Yet  we  have  had  some 
good  times  together 

Des  Pr.     [As  before.']     Occasionally. 

Cypr.  [As  before.]  Oh,  often!  It's  evident 
you  have  forgotten  them.  I  am  the  only  one  who 
remembers ! 

Des  Pr.  [As  before,  kissing  the  hair  that  hangs 
over  her  forehead.]     My  big  baby  girl ! 

Cypr.      [As   before.]      Eat    dinner   with  me  just '^ 
once  more.     People  eat  at  home  on  holidays  and 
family  festivals.      This   is  a  festival.      To-morrow  ■/ 
you  can  have  supper  with  the  other  woman^  , 

Des  Pr.     [As  before.]     But  there  isn't  any  other  V 
woman ! 

CvPR.     [As  before.]     Oh! 


8o  DIVORgONS. 

Des  Pr.  [As  before.'\  Do  you  want  to  have  U 
proved  to  you  ? 

CvPR.     [As  before.^     What? 
\J     Des  Pr.     [As   before.']     Come  and    eat   supper 
with  me. 

CvPR.  [  With  Joy,  raising  her  head."]  At  the 
cafd? 

Des  Pr.     Together! 

CvpR.     No  one  else  ? 

Des  Pr.     Like  a  couple  of  jolly  bachelors  1 

Cypr.     a  farewell  dinner  ! 
V     Des  Pr.     A  divorce  dinner  f    Ah,  that's  such  a 
pretty  idea  1 

Cypr.     Ah!  yes! 

Des  Pr.  I  will  have  a  nice  little  meal  prepared 
for  you ! 

Cypr.     And  will  you  make  me  a  little  tipsy  ? 

Des  Pr.     If  you  wish. 

Cypr.  [Laughing  and  dancing  tvith  joy  as  she 
goes  to  the  right  to  take  her  hat  and  cloak,  ]  Oh,  isn't 
it  jolly  ?  What  a  clever  idea !  And  besides,  it  was 
made  up  on  the  spirit  of  the  moment  1  And  so 
original,  so  new  I 

Des  Pr.     Isn't  it? 

Cypr.  [Putting  on  her  hat,  which  is  on  a  chair 
behind  the  couch,  and  taking  her  cloak.]  Oh  I  how 
the  thought  amuses  me !  Couldn't  be  anything 
nicer!  It's  just  too  lovely  for  anything!  Oh,  I've 
got  to  kiss  you,  you  dear.  [She  kisses  Des  Pru- 
NELLES,  who  has  gone  up  stage,  and  comes  down  right.] 
And,  besides,  this  way,  I  can  be  sure  that  you 
won't  eat  supper  with  that  other  one  I  [She  places 
her  cloak  on  the  arm-chair  at  the  extreme  right  and 
adjusts  her  hat.  ] 
.  Des  Pr.  [Suddenly,  pretending  surprise.]  What, 
v     seriously,  do  you  intend  to  go  ? 


DIVORgONS.  8 1 

Cypr.     Well 1 

Des  Pr.     Why,  I   suggested   it   as  a  joke,   you   - 
know. 

Cypr.  [5//7i  adjusiing  hat.l  Oh,  all  right,  so 
much  the  worse  for  you;  I'm  going  to  take  you  at 
your  word ;  that's  all  there  is  to  it ! 

Des  Pr.  But  what  about  Adhemar,  you  silly 
little  creature  ? 

Cypr.       \^Taking    her    inuff.~\      Oh,    Adhemar!  ^ 
Won't  I  have  plenty  of   time  to  eat   supper  with 
Adhemar  every  day  of  my  life  ? 

Des  Pr.     And  supposing  he  gets  angry  ? 

Cypr.     All  right ;  let  him  ! 

Des  Pr.  He'll  give  you  a  dreadful  tongue- 
lashing  I 

Cypr.  I'd  like  to  see  him!  \^With  dig}iity.'\ 
Besides,  could  I  dine  with  him,  tete-a-tete,  without 
your  being  there  ?  What  would  that  look  like — to 
the  servants  ? 

Des  Pr.     Well — an  intended  husband 

Cypr.  Who  knows  that  ?  The  three  of  us — 
that's  all  right — or  else  you  and  I ! 

Des  Pr.     That's  better ! 

Cypr.  [  Taking  his  arm  and  pressing  against  his 
side  while  she  puts  on  her  gloves.^  It's  so  'cute — 
this  idea  of  a  divorce  banquet. 

Des  Pr.     Sort  of  final  tete-^-tete  ! 

Cypr.  Let's  hurrj'.  He  will  come.  [She  rings 
the  annunciator.  ] 

Des  Pr.  \Goes  to  get  his  hat  and  coat  at  rear, 
right,  and  looks  toward  the  door.  ]     There  he  is  ! 

Cypr.     Adhemar  ? 

Des  Pr.     In  the  court ! 

Cypr.  [7i?  Josepha,  who  comes  in,  left  front  en- 
trance."]     Josepha ! 

Jos.     [Behind  the  couch.]     Madame  ! 


82  DIVORgONS. 

^    Cypr.     \^irastily.'\     Monsieur  is  coming  in — no  I 
I  mean  Adhemar. 

Des  Pr.  That's  it!  Monsieur!  That's  it 
ycxactly  1 

V  Cypr.     [  Greatly  agitated.']     Tell  him  I  have  been 
forced  to  go  out. 

Des  Pr.     \^  Opening  the  garden  door.'\     Alone. 

Cypr.     Yes,  alone  !  alone  I 

Jos.     [^Surprised.]     Oh  1 

Cypr.  \_Crossing  over  toward  the  right,  toward 
Des  Prunelles.]  Some  one  came  to  get  me, — or  any 
pretext  you  can  think  of.  You  won't  be  the  worse 
off.  Madame  begs  him  to  excuse  her.  Oh,  he  can 
eat  here,  if  he  wants  to  ! 

Jos.     \Stupefiedi\     Yes,  Madame! 

Des  Pr.     Here  he  comes  1 

Cypr.  \Pushing  him  before  her.'\  Oh,  hurry  1 
He  will  catch  us  1 

[  They  go  out  through  the  little  door  at  right.] 

Jos.  \_FolIouiing  them  with  her  gaze,  stupefied?] 
Ah  ! — They  are  going  out  together  ! 

[Adhemar  comes  in,  rear,  in  full  dress,  with  white 
tie,    white    gloves,  ,  and    a    bouquet    of    white , 
'  roses  in  his  hand.  //He  has  the  air  of  a  husband.^^. 

Bastien  appears  at  the  threshold  of  the  dining-  ^ 
room  door,  dressed  like  a  waiter.  ] 

^     Jos.     \_Hastily.]     Monsieur  is  not  at  home  ! 

Adhe.  \_Radia7it,  crossing  to  the  right.]  Mon- 
sieur— a  pile  I  care  !     Where  is  Madame  ? 

V  Jos.     Madame  begs  you  to  excuse  her,  Monsieur. 
She  has  just  gone  out ! 

Adhe.     [  With  a  start.]     Gone  out  ? 

Jos.     Yes,  Monsieur.     Her  aunt  is  very  ill. 


DIVORgONS.  83 

Adhe.       [In    consternation?^       What,     already  ?  ■ 
\Throwing  his   bouquet  on   the  table.'\     Her   aunt  ? 
Well,  we'll  find  out  about  this  soon  enough  ! — I'm 
going  there — to  her  aunt's.     \^He  rushes  out.'\ 

Bast.  Supper  is  ready,  Madame !  \^Ife  offers 
his  arm  to  Josepha,  who  has  taken  the  bouquet  on 
the  table,  and  both  enter  the  dining-room  at  left,  second 
entrance,  aping  their  employers.  This  rapid  by-play 
should  take  place  while  the  curtain  is  descending."] 


ACT  III. 

Scene  : — A  little  private  dining-room  in  a  restaurant, 
quite  elegant,  with  paneled  walls.  At  rear,  the 
chief  entrance  to  the  room,  with  double  folding 
doors,  opening  into  an  antechamber,  at  rear  of 
which  is  a  sideboard  for  the  service.     At  left 

front,  the  door  of  a  wardrobe  closet.  Beyond  it 
a  piano  with  stool.  Still  further  up,  a  panel  and 
a  window.  Between  the  window  and  the  rear 
door  a  small  service  table  upon  which  are  some 

plates,  forks,  spoons,  knives,  and  a  cruet-stand 
with  bottles.  At  right  front,  a  mantelpiece,  upon 
which  are  a  clock,  two  candelabra,  a  carafe  and 
two  f?iger-bowls.  Beyond  it  a  folding  screen 
7vith  seven  leaves,  folded,  and  of  medium  height. 
Next  a  panel  and  a  door.  In  center  stage  a 
round  table  with  covers  laid  for  two.  A  chair  at 
left  of  the  table.  At  left,  further  over,  a  couch 
for  two  persons,  with  a  cushion.  At  right  fur- 
ther up  than  the  mantelpiece,  an  arm-chair.  A 
cluster  of  lights,  not  turned  on.  Two  candles  in 
each  of  the  candelabra  are  burning.     A  chair  in 

front  of  the  window.     Joseph  opens  the  door  at 


sj 


84  DIVORgONS. 

rear  for  Pes  Prunelles,  who  enters  giving 
Cyprienne  his  arm.  TTe  is  followed  by  two 
other  waiters,  one  of  whom  carries  a  lighter. 

Joseph.  This  little  apartment  will  please  Madame 
immensely. 

Des  Pr.     Yes. 

Cypr.     Only  it  isn't  warm  enough  here. 

Joseph.  Oh,  Madame,  when  the  fire  and  the 
gas  have  been  lighted — [  One  of  the  waiters  lights  the 
fre,  the  other  starts  to  light  the  gas.'\ 

Des  Pr.  No,  no  ;  don't  light  the  gas ;  the  can- 
delabra will  do. 

Joseph.  \_To  the  first  waiter. ~\  The  candelabra. 
[  The  first  waiter  lights  the  candelabra.  The  second 
prepares  the  service  at  rear.  To  Des  Prunelles.  ] 
It  has  been  at  least  two  years  since  Monsieur  has 
been  here.  \^He  assists  him  in  taking  off  his  over- 
coat.'] 

Des  Pr.     Isn't  this  Room  No.  8  ? 

Joseph.     Monsieur  recognizes  it  ? 

Des  Pr.  Yes.  They  certainly  have  improved 
its  appearance. 

Joseph.  And  besides,  there  are  some  very  use- 
ful improvements.  At  the  rear,  that  antechamber  ; 
here,  a  private  closet,  where  Madame  can  put  away 
her  hat  and  cloak. 

Cypr.  Yes,  when  I  get  warmed  up  a  little. 
[She  goes  to  the  grate-fire  and  toasts  her  feet.  Joseph 
carries  Des  Prunelles'  hat  and  coat  to  the  closet  at 
left.-] 

Des  Pr,  [Taking  off  his  gloves.]  Aren't  you 
^    expecting  Monsieur  Clavignac  this  evening  ? 

Joseph.  [As  he  comes  back.]  Yes,  Monsieur, 
room  number  11,  covers  laid  for  six.  Monsieur  ex- 
pects no  one  else  ?     Covers  for  two  only  ? 


DIVORgONS.  8s 

Des  Pr.     Yes. 

Joseph.  Would  Madame  like  to  have  the  table 
placed  nearer  the  fire  ? 

Cypr.  Yes,  and  open  up  the  folding-screens ; 
there's  a  little  draft  coming  through  there. 

Joseph.     Yes,  Madame. 

\_During  what  follows,  the  sub-waiters  push  the  table 
over  toward  the  fireplace,  open  up  the  screen, 
perpendicularly  to  the  wall,  bring  the  chair  ?iear 
to  the  table,  move  the  arm-chair  up  to  the  table 
and  finish  serving  by  going  for  the  silverware,  etc., 
at  rear.] 

Joseph.  [Handing  the  menu  to  Des  Prunelles.] 
Will  Monsieur  have  some  oysters  ?  Marennes, 
Ostende  ? 

Des  Pr.  \To  Cvprienne,  as  he  goes  to  sit  down 
in  the  chairJ]     Do  you  want  any  oysters,  my  dear  ? 

CvpR.  [  Warming  her  feet  at  the  fireplace,  sitting 
on  the  arm  of  the  arm-chair^  I  don't  care  about 
them  particularly. 

Des  Pr.  [Sitting  on  the  chair  and  consulting  the 
menu  on  the  table.^     Nor  I  either. 

Joseph.  [Taki?ig  a  note-book  afid  pencil  from  his 
pocket,  ready  to  write.]  Meat  broth,  Consomm^ 
Crecy,  Saint-Germain  ? 

Cypr.     Meat  broth  1 

Joseph.     [  Writing.]     Fish — turbot,  salmon  ? 

Des  Pr.     What,  after  the  meat  broth  ? 

[  The  tivo  sub-waiters  go  out.] 

Joseph.     Ah  1  quite  so  ! 
Cypr.     I  like  crawfish  better. 
Des  Pr.     Yes,  no  fish.     You  can  give   us  for  a 
wind-up  some  crawfish,  bordelaise. 


86  DIVORgONS. 

Joseph.  Very  good,  Monsieur.  For  an  entree, 
would  Monsieur  like  a  timbale  ? 

Des  Pr.     No.     Lamb  cutlets,  piping  hot. 

Joseph.      [  Writing.  ]     Piping  hot. 

Des  Pr.     Then 

Joseph.  A  hot  bird  ?  quail  ?  We  have  some 
superb  quail ! 

Des  Pr.     No,  partridge  stuffed  with  truffles. 

Joseph.     [  Writing.  ]     Truffles  I 

Des  Pr.     And  a  Russian  salad — but  a  real  one  1 

Joseph.     I  can  recommend  it. 

Des  Pr.  Then  the  crawfish.  \^Ife  sets  the  inejiu 
down  on  the  table.  ] 

Joseph.     {^Suggesting ?^     Some  little  ice? 

Des  Pr.     No,  no  ices — unless  Madame 

Cypr.  No,  just  some  fruit,  that's  all.  Raisins 
especially. 

Des  Pr.     Get  that  ? 

Joseph.  Yes,  Monsieur.  A  delicious  banquet. 
Monsieur,  a  fine  selection  of  dishes,  very  fine. 
Coffee,  I  suppose  ? 

Des  Pr.  No.  Neither  Madame  nor  I  take  coffee 
evenings. 

Joseph.  Will  Monsieur  indicate  his  choice  of 
wines? 

Des  Pr.     Same  as  usual :  Champagne  frappd 

Joseph.     Moet,  Cliquot? 

Des  Pr.  No,  Roederer.  And  how  about  your 
Chambertin  ?     Have  you  any  more  of  it  ? 

Joseph.     Vintage  of  '68  ? 

Des  Pr.     Yes. 

Joseph.     We  will  have  some  for  Monsieur. 

Des  Pr.     Hurry  things  up  a  little. 

Joseph.  Yes,  Monsieur.  \_To  the  waiters,  who 
appear  at  rear r\     Come,  hurry.     \^He  goes  out.'\ 

Des  Pr.     Well — are  you  getting  warmed  up  ? 


DIVORgONS.  87 

Cypr.     [Tah'ng  off  her  cloak  and  her  hat,  which 
she  places   on    the  arm-chair. ~\     I'm  beginning   to.      / 
It   seems    that   you    are   well   acquainted   in    this  '^ 
place. 

Des  Pr.     I  used  to  be. 

Cypr.  And  you  are  expecting  to  become  so 
again,  I  suppose? 

Des  Pr.     It's  probable. 

Cypr.  Hm  1  So  this  is  the  place  where  Mon- 
sieur played  the  hero  in  his  little  farces  ? 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  oh !  Not  so  often  as  you  think, 
my  dear. 

Cypr.     I  am  sure  that  those  waiters,  seeing  me  J 
with  you,  take  me  for 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  not  quite  so  bad — but  probably  for  v 
my  mistress — since  they  don't  know  you  1 

Cypr.     And  so  I  am  now  compromised  ? 

Des  Pr,      YLaughing^     Somewhat. 

Cypr.  [  Turning  toward  the  mirror  to  arrange 
her  hair. ~\  It  certainly  is  queer! — Oh,  look  at  all 
those  names  on  the  glass  ! 

Des  Pr.     Don't  pay  any  attention  to  that,  please. 

Cypr.     Why  ? 

Des  Pr.  The  proprietor  made  them  with  his 
wife's  diamond  ring,  to  give  the  place  an  air  of 
popularity. 

Cypr.     Oh ! 

Joseph.     \^Entering  at  rear  with  a  card  on  a  tray?\    1 
Monsieur — there  is  someone  outside  who  has  been  J 
told  that  Monsieur  was  in  room  No.  8,   and  who 
asks  if  Monsieur  will  receive  him. 

[Joseph  hands  the  card  to  Des  Prunelles.  A 
waiter  enters  after  Joseph,  bringing  the  soup 
tureen,  which  he  places  07i  the  sideboard  at  rear, 
and  goes  out.'\ 


'J 


88  DiVORgONS.     ' 

Des  Pr.  \_Reading  the  card  to  Cyprienne.  J  Ad- 
hemar  1 

Cypr.     Oh ! 

Des  Pr.  [  To  Joseph.]  All  right.  Wait  a 
minute.  [Joseph  discreetly  retires  to  the  rear  and 
stands  at  the  threshold,  with  one  of  the  folding  doors 
open.  To  Cyprienne,  in  a  stage  •whisper.']  Shall  I 
invite  him  in  ? 

Cypr.      [^Excitedly.']     No,  certainly  not  I 

Des  Pr.     But  think,  my  dear 

Cypr.     No  1  no  !     I  won't  have  it  1 

Des  Pr.  It  will  be  very  difficult  after  having  in- 
vited him  at  home 

,     Cypr.     ["  Tearing  up  the  card.]     Let  him  eat  there  I 
"^What  does  he  come  here  for?     He  can't  let  us  have 
our  divorce  in  peace  !     [^She  throws  the  pieces  into 
the  f re.] 

Des  Pr.  [/Rising.]  All  right,  as  he  doesn't 
know  that  you're  here,  I'll  send  him  away.  Go  in 
there  for  a  moment.     [  ffe  points  to  the  closet  at  left.  ] 

Cypr.  [  Taking  her  hat  and  cloak  from  the  arm- 
chair and  crossing  the  stage.]  Yes,  that's  the  way  to 
do  it.  But  hurry  I'm  hungry.  [_She  enters  the 
closet.] 

Des  Pr.     [Tt;  Joseph.]     Let  him  in. 

Joseph.  {^Opening  the  door  at  rear  and  talking 
into  one  of  the  7vings.]     Would  Monsieur  like  to 

Adhe.     \^ Coming  in.]     Ahf     May  I  come  in  ? 

Des  Pr.     Surely,  come  right  in  ! 

[Joseph  goes  out.] 

Adhe.  [^He  is  wet  through  and  has  an  umbrella,] 
Allow  me  to  beg  your  pardon,  my  dear  Monsieur. 
Am  I  disturbing  you  ?  [^Places  his  hat  on  the  couch 
at  left.] 


DIVORgONS.  89 

Des  Pr.  Well,  rather.  I'm  expecting  somebody. 
\Escorting  him  to  the  right  and  offering  him  a  chair?^ 
Make  yourself  at  home. — But  how  did  you  manage 
to  find  me  ? 

Adhe.  \_Placing  his  umbrella  against  the  back 
cushion  of  the  chair.'\  At  the  club  they  told  me  that 
you  were  going  to  eat  here  with  Monsieur  de  Cla- 
vignac. 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  yes.     Well — what's  up  ? 

Adhe.  [Sitting  on  the  chair. "^  Ah,  my  dear 
Monsieur,  you  see  a  man  who  is  in  deep  trouble  1 
It  was  agreed,  wasn't  it,  that  we  should  dine  to- 
gether ? 

Des  Pr.     Not  me  1     You  and  Cyprienne. 

Adhe.  Precisely,  I  and  Cyprienne — I  mean  your 
wife — that  is  to  say,  no,  my  wife — oh,  our  wife  1 

Des  Pr.     Yes ! 

Adhe.  I  came ;  nobody  was  there  !  I  was  told 
that  you  had  just  gone  out. 

Des  Pr.     Quite  so. 

Adhe.     And  Cyprienne,  too ! 

Des  Pr.     Did  she  go  out  ? 

Adhe.     After  you  did. 

Des  Pr.     Where  did  they  say  she  was  going  ? 

Adhe.  [Looking  at  him  with  a  piteous  air.]  To 
see  her  aunt,  who  was  sick. 

Des  Pr.     Ah ! 

Adhe.  [Suddenly.]  Ah  1  you  knew  nothing  of 
it,  did  you  ? 

Des  Pr.     No  I 

Adhe.  [Rising  quickly.]  I  fancied  not.  I  have 
just  come  from  her  aunt's.  The  old  lady  is  as 
sound  as  a  dollar.  And  no  Cyprienne  there,  any 
more  than  in  my  pocket. 

Des  Pr.  I  beg  pardon.  You  are  speaking  of 
aunt ? 


J 


90  DIVORgONS. 

Adhe.  Guerin,  the  widow  Guerin,  Boulevard  du 
Temple. 

Des  Pr.     Oh  1  that  isn't  the  one  at  all  1 

Adhe.     No  ? 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  no  1  It's  Aunt  Nicole,  who  has 
the  asthma  and  is  eighty-three  years  old,  No.  92 
Rue  de  Paris. 

Adhe.  Oh  !  that's  far  1  and  the  weather  is  some- 
thing fierce  1 

Des  Pr.  [Gomg  uj>  to  the  window^  Is  it 
raining  ? 

Adhe.  [  Goes  and  takes  his  hat  from  the  couch.  ] 
Rain  and  snow  mixed,  and  not  a  cab  in  sight  1 

Des  Pr.      \Coming  down  again.'\     The  devil  1 

[Here  Cyprienne  of  ens  the  closet  door  and  listens-^ 

Adhe.  If  I  was  only  sure  1  Tell  me  now,  be- 
tween you  and  me,  do  you  have  much  faith  in  this 
"aunt"  story,  eh  ? 

Des  Pr.     I  ? 

Adhe.     Yes. 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  I  don't  know. 

Adhe.  The  whole  thing  looks  deucedly  like  a 
humbug  to  me.     Don't  you  think  so  ? 

Des  Pr.  Well,  say  I  you  know  that  I  have  no 
opinion  to  offer  on  the  matter.  It  doesn't  concern 
me  any  more. 

Adhe.  Yes,  but  as  my  predecessor  you  can  en- 
lighten me,  perhaps.  Has  she  ever  sprung  this 
"  aunt  "  story  before,  on  you  ? 

Des  Pr.     Not  that  I  know  of.     Why  do  you  ask  ? 

Adhe.  To  find  out  whether  it's  a  dodge  that  she 
was  accustomed  to  employ. 

Cypr.     \_Behind  the  door,  to  herself. '\     Oh  1 

Des  Pr.     Do  you  mistrust  her  ? 


DIVORgONS.  91 

Adhe.  '  Well,  I've  discovered  that  the  woman  is 
pretty  artful — I've  seen  her  twist  you  round  her 
finger 

Des  Pr.     Oh 1 

Adhe.     She  certainly  led  you  a  merry  dance  1 

Des  Pr.     Yes,  I  stood  it,  but  how  about  you  ?  / 

Adhe.     Oh,   with   me  those  tricks   wouldn't  go^ 
down  at  all. 

Des  Pr.     No  !  of  course  not. 

Adhe.  Not  by  a  dam  sight  I  I  wouldn't  be 
such  an  easy  mark  as  you  were.  \_Putting  on  his 
hat  with  a  lordly  air.  "^  She'll  have  to  toe  the  line, 
with  me ! 

Des  Pr.  [  With  a  sidelong  glance  at  Cyprienne.] 
That's  the  way  to  taik,  old  sport  I 

Adhe.     Where  did  you  say  the  aunt  lived  ?  . 

Des  Pr.     Nicole  ?     Ninety-two  rue  de  Paris.  ^ 

Adhe.     {^Sifting  down  on  the  couch.']     Oh,  dash     , 
it  1     \^Turns   up  his  trousers.      To   him  self.]      If  it' 

wasn't  for  the  four  hundred  thousand  francs 

But  there  you  are!     \^Rising.']     Well I'm  off  1 

Thousand  pardons — and  hope  you  enjoy  the  meal ! 
\_He  starts  toward  the  rear.] 

Des  Pr.  Thanks.  [^Calling  him  back  and  hold- 
ing up  his  umbrella.]     Your  umbrella  ! 

Adhe.  \^Comitjg back.]  Oh, that's  so.  Thanks. 
[  They  shake  each  0 therms  hand,  with  the  umbrella  in 
Aon'E^ikivCs  possession.] 

Des  Pr.  Pleasant  journey !  [Adhemar  goes 
out.  Des  Prunelles  closes  the  door  and  goes  toward 
the  closet  door,  crossing  behind  the  couch.  To  himself^ 
I'd  fix  that  fellow  if  he  couldn't  play  my  game 
better ! 

Cypr.     \_Shotving  herself,  in  a  whisper.]     Gone? 

Des  Pr.  \^Feigning  that  lie  is  about  to  call  Adhe- 
mar back^     Are  you  sorry  ?    Shall  I  call  him  back  ? 


^2  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  [^Hastily,  whispering.']  Nol  no  I  cer- 
tainly not ! 

Des  Pr.  [  Coming  back  toward  center  stage.  ]  Poor 
fellow  1     He  is  going  to  the  devil  knows  where ! 

Cypr.  Well,  let  him  trotl  You  did  perfectly 
right.  Did  you  ever  see  the  like  ?  The  man  has 
the  effrontery  to  suspect  me  already  ! 

Des  Pr.     It's  pretty  bad. 

Cypr.  And  my  "  tricks  I  "  And  "  the  woman  ! " 
And  it's  a  "  humbug  1  "  And  I  "  led  you  a  merry 
dance !  "     Are  those  things  that  people  should  say  ? 

Des  Pr.     No  1 

Cypr.  Oh,  and  his  lordly  talk  !  ^Imitating  him.] 
"  That  wouldn't  go  down  with  me  at  all — "  Hm, 
hm  !  "  She'd  have  to  toe  the  line,  with  me  1  "  Well ! 
in  the  first  place,  I'll  do  as  I  please  I 

Des    Pr.       [Adding  emphasis   to  her  assertion.] 
Absolutely ! 
,       Cypr.     {^Crossing  to  the  right.]    Fine  talk  1    Fine 
^    talk  1     Oh,  he's  stupid,  that  Adhemar ! 

[Joseph  and  the  tzvo  under-waiters  enter  at  rear. 
Joseph  is  carrying  a  plate  of  fruity  which  he 
places  on  the  table  at  rear,  and  serves  the  broth.  ] 

Des  Pr.  Calm  yourself  I  [To  the  waiters.]  You 
may  serve.  [TJ;  Cyprienne.]  Calm  yourself,  and 
sit  down. 

[  They  sit  down  at  the  table,  Des  Prunelles  in  the 
small  chair,  C\i?K\TLii-iii£.  in  the  arm-chair.  The 
two  waiters  seme  each  one  a  plate  of  soup  ana 
go  out  at  rear  with  Joseph,  leaving  the  door 
open.     Joseph  is  seen  at  rear.] 

Cypr.  The  broth  is  nearly  cold — taste  it — thanks 
to  him  I 


DIVORgONS.  93 

Des   Pr.     [Ta/kmg  while   he   drinks   his   soupI\ 
Good  Lord,  little  one— you've  got  to  learn  that  a  \/ 
husband  and  a  lover  are  two  absolutely  different 
things.     The  young  man  is  acting  his  part.     He's 
not  very  skilful,  I'll  grant  you  that. 

CvPR.     Oh,  and  querulous,  and  tiresome,  and 

Des  Pr.  \^Ifiterrupting.'\  But  that's  not  his  fault. 
All  that  is  the  customary  manner  of  a  husband. 
Why  was  I  querulous  this  morning,  and  why  am  I 
in  such  good  humor  this  evening?  Because  this 
morning  I  was  the  husband,  and  now  I  am  no  longer 
so.  It's  his  turn  to  be  quarrelsome ;  he  is  defending 
himself. 

CvpR.  Honestly,  he  bids  fair  to  be  more  trouble- 
some than  you. 

Des  Pr.  Naturally  ;  he's  younger.  And  he  has 
not  seen  as  much  of  life  as  I  have.  [Joseph  and 
the  two  waiters  come  itt  again.  Joseph  bri?igs  a 
bottle  of  champagne  in  a  pail  which  he  places  at  right 
of  Des  Prunelles.  The  first  waiter  brings  the 
platter  of  lamb  cutlets ,  which  he  places  in  the  middle 
of  the  table.  The  second  waiter  takes  away  the  soup 
plates.  After  this,  the  three  go  out.]  But  I  will  not 
show  my  bad  taste  by  traducing  the  man — \^/ntend- 
ing  to  prevent  the  waiteis  from  Ufiderstanding.'\ — to 
whom  I  cede  what  remains  of  my  affairs.  On  the 
contrary,  I  credit  him  with  a  superior  order  of  in- 
telligence, with  everything  that  will  make  the  new 
enterprise  prosper.  He  will  not  escape  the  dif- 
ficulties of  the  situation.  \^The  waiters  shut  the  door. 
He  places  the  champagne  pail  at  his  left,  between 
CvPRiENNE  and  himself.']  To  sum  the  matter  up, 
all  husbands  can  be  resolved  into  a  single  general  / 
type — the  husband ;  and  all  lovers  into  a  general 
type — the  lover.  The  husband  has  all  the  faults ; 
the  lover  has  all  the  merits.     That's  understood. — 


94  DIVORgONS. 

In  reality,  the  husband  has  only  one  fault — that  of 
being  the  husband.  And  the  lover  has  but  one 
good  quality — that  of  being  the  lover.  [Cyprienne 
pours  out  some  champagne  for  herself^  This  is  so 
true  that  the  same  man  can  be  at  one  and  the  same 
time  the  highly  tedious  husband  of  his  own  wife  and 
/  the  highly  agreeable  lover  of  some  other  man's  wife. 
"^  The  difference  is  not  in  the  individual,  it  is  in  the 
function  that  he  performs.  \He  pours  out  champagne 
for  himself .  Joseph  enters  with  a  bottle  in  a  wicker 
basket.  ] 

CvPR.     Then,  is  it  inadvisable  to  marry  ? 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  there  are  just  as  many  disadvantages 
in  not  marrj'ing.     \_He  drinks^ 

Cypr.     Well,  what  ? 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  Lord  !  \To  Joseph,  who  is  about 
to  pour  him  out  a  glass  of  wine.]  No,  I'll  pour  out 
myself. 

Joseph.  \^Flacing  the  basket  on  the  table  at  Des 
Prunelles'  right."]     1868,  Monsieur. 

Des  Pr.  All  right — you  can  go — and  see  to  it 
that  we  are  left  alone — I  will  ring  when  I  want  you. 
[Joseph  goes  out,  closing  the  door.]  You  must  be 
reasonable,  my  dear — I  will  speak  of  the  matter 
quite  freely,  sha'n't  I  ?  seeing  that  we  are  going  to 
get  a  divorce.  There  is  neither  wife  nor  husband 
here  now — just  two  good  friends,  two  boon  com- 
panions, who  are  having  a  chat  in  the  cafd,  with 
their  elbows  on  the  table — \Both  drink  at  the  same 
time.']  All  right  then — don't  expect  of  poor  Adhe- 
mar  what  he  can't  offer  you — passion — ecstasy — 
all  that  I  Content  yourself  with  what  he  is  able  to 
give  you,  and  if  he  gives  it  regularly,  agreeably,  be 
happy.  True  felicity  does  not  consist  in  excesses — 
heavens,  no  1  A  good  regular  life,  a  good  general 
average,  that's  happiness. 


DIVORgONS.  95 

Cypr.     Yes,  if  the  wife  is  good — really  good ! 

Des  Pr.  \_Rifigifig.'\  She  always  is  with  a  few 
mutual  concessions.  [^Re-enter  at  rear  Joseph  and 
the  two  waiters.  Joseph  holds  in  one  hand  a  plate 
and  in  the  other  the  partridge,  and  goes  to  the  table,  at 
Des  Prunelles'  right.  The  first  waiter^  with  a 
plate,  goes  to  the  table,  between  Cyprienne  and  Des 
Pruxelles.  The  second  waiter  carries  a  salad  dish, 
which  he  places  on  the  table  at  rear.'\  To  show  you 
the  truth  of  my  remark:  in  Switzerland  there  used 
to  be  a  very  wise  custom.  I  don't  know  whether  it 
is  still  practised.  [^To  Joseph.]  Set  it  down,  I'll 
cut  it  up.  [Des  Prunelles  and  CYPKiEyiis!E  hand 
their  plates  to  the  first  7vaiter,  who  places  in  front  of 
Cyprienne  the  ptate  that  he  has  in  his  hand,  while 
Joseph  does  likewise  with  Des  Prunelles',  and  places 
the  partridge  on  the  table  in  the  place  of  the  cutlets, 
which  he  takes  away.  The  two  waiters  go  out  and 
Joseph  goes  to  the  table  at  rear  to  season  the  salad. 
Des  Prunelles  talks  while  cutting  the  partridge.'\ 
When  a  couple  of  married  people  wanted  a  divorce, 
they  locked  them  in  a  room  for  a  week,  with  a  table, 
one  plate,  one  chair  and  one  bed.  And  they  handed 
them  things  to  eat  through  a  window. 

Cypr.     \_Laughing.^     Ha,  ha  1 

Joseph.  [  Coming  down  to  Des  Prunelles  and 
offering  him  a  bottle  full  of  pepper  sauce.']  Would 
Monsieur  like  some — ? 

Des  Pr.  Plenty  !  [Joseph  goes  back  to  season 
the  salad.]  At  the  end  of  the  week's  imprisonment, 
people  came — rap,  rap  1  \_IIe  raps  on  the  table  with 
his  knife.] 

Joseph.     [  Turning  round  quickly.  ]     Monsieur  ? 

Des  Pr.  No  I  not  you  I  \Returning  to  the  subject?^ 
"  Hey,  within  there,  where  are  you  ?  How  about 
the  divorce  ? " 


96  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  Profound  silence  1  They  had  eaten  each 
other  up  1 

Des  Pr.  No  !  nothing  of  the  sort  I  Three  times 
out  of  five,  they  didn't  want  a  divorce  any  more  ! 
[Joseph  bririgs  the  salad  bowl  to  the  table  and  is  about 
to  go.  Des  Prunelles  calls  him  back.  Wait  a 
minute!  \^He  tastes  the  salad.'\  Good!  You  can 
go.     Joseph  puts  the  salad  bowl  down  and  goes  out.'j 

Cypr.  [^Laughing."]  Oh,  so  you  think  that  if 
we  were  locked  up 

Des  Pr.  \_Serving.'\  Oh,  I'm  not  talking  about 
our  case  at  all.  You  and  I  are  people  of  judgment. 
We  know  what  we  are  doing.     That  is  understood. 

Cypr.     [Gaily.'}     It  wouldn't  be  so  bad  here  ! 

Des  Pr.  No,  generally  speaking. — What  I  am 
eating  here  is  very  good. 

Cypr.     Yes,  but  peppery. 

Des  Pr.  Your  glass.  [He  pours  out  some  of  the 
Chambertin  for  her  and  himself.}  And  then,  during 
those  seven  days,  we  could  at  least  make  one 
another's  acquaintance. 

Cypr.     [Laughing.}     What,  acquaintance  ? 

Des  Pr.     Yes. 

Cypr.  [Breaking  out  into  laughter.}  Oh!  how 
silly  you  are  1 .  Why,  we've  been  married  for  two 
years ! 

Des  Pr.  And  twenty-two  days.  Twenty-sixth  of 
October.     [They  raise  their  glasses  and  drink.} 

Cypr.  And  you  think  we  don't  know  each  other 
yet? 

Des.  Pr.     Not  in  the  least  I 

Cypr.     Oh  I      , 

Des  Pr.  [Seming.}  Come  now,  won't  you 
admit  that  you've  never  seen  me  in  such  a  good 
humor  ? 

Cypr.     That's  true. 


DIVORgONS.  97 

Des  Pr.  Then  you  see,  don't  you,  that  you  don't 
know  me  ?  And  how  should  you  know  me?  During 
two  years,  we  lived  in  intimacy  for  only  fifteen 
days  1 

CypR.  [^Denying  with  a  laugh.'\  Oh!  more 
than  that  ! 

Des  Pr.  [J^mging.']  I'll  prove  it  to  you  if  you 
wish.  [J^tngs  agahi.']  Shall  we  have  a  bet  on  it  ? 
[To  Joseph,  w/w  e}iters.'\  •  Waiter,  have  you  a 
pencil  ? 

Joseph.     Yes,  Monsieur. 

Des  Pr.  Let  me  have  it. — All  right.  [Joseph 
goes  out.  Des  Prunelles  pushes  back  the  plates, 
glasses,  etc.,  in  order  to  make  an  open  space  for  him- 
self on  the  table,  which  he  moves  over  close  to  the  fire- 
place. Cypriki<!'SE.  aids  him  and  places  the  champagne 
pail  at  his  left.  Then  Des  Prunelles  takes  the 
menu  and  brings  his  chair  close  up  to  Cyprienne's 
arm-chair.  ] 

Des  Pr.  We  are  liquidating.  Let's  make  inven- 
tory. \Making  some  figures  oti  the  back  of  the  metm^ 
Now — two  years  and  twenty-two  days  of  married 
life,  that  is,  730  plus  22,  total  752  days,  which  gives 
us,  in  hours — 11!  give  you  good  measure ;  I'll 
call  your  day  twelve  hours. 

Cypr.     Only  twelve  ? 

Des  Pr.  Let's  be  fair.  I  never  see  you  morn- 
ings until  noon,  at  luncheon.  We  leave  each  other, 
to  go  to  our  sleeping  apartments,  between  eleven 
o'clock  and  one  o'clock  in  the  morning,  don't  we  ? 
Therefore,  on  an  average — Let  us  consider  nothing 
but  the  average — from  noon  to  midnight,  that's 
exactly  twelve  hours  in  each  other's  company. 

Cypr.     That's  true. 

Des  Pr.  Now,  752  multiplied  by  twelve  make — 
\_Makitig  some  figures  and  adding  them  between  his 


98  DIVORgONS. 

teeth  very  quickly. '\  Two,  four,  five,  fourteen — Nine 
thousand  and  twenty-four  hours  of  married  life. 

Cypr.  [Bitrsting  into  a  laiigh.'\  And  we  didn't 
have  time  to  get  acquainted  with  each  other — in 
nine  thousand  ?  [  She  rises,  and  with  her  glass  in 
her  hand,  goes  to  war 771  her  feet. '\ 

Des  Pr.  Oh,  but  wait  1  Having  settled  that,  in 
a  day  of  twelve  hours,  how  many  hours  are  we 
together — alone,  tete-k-tete  ? 

Cypr.     Five,  six  hours  a  day  ? 

Des  Pr.  Not  on  your  life  !  I  don't  count  meals ; 
the  servants  are  around. — Call  it  an  hour,  and  I'm 
liberal. 

Cypr.     All  right ;  one  hour  a  day  1 

Des  Pr.  \_Drinkitig  every  now  and  then  as  he  talks 
and  commencing  to  be  lively. 1^  Now,  let's  deduct  the 
days  when  we  receive,  which  of  course  can't  be 
called  being  together;  special  dinners,  theater, 
visits,  vacation  trips,  and  so  on, — You'll  grant  me 
for  all  that  a  reduction  of  more  than  one-half  ? 

Cypr.     Call  it  three-quarters  ! 

Des  Pr.  Then  there  remains  a  quarter  of  an 
hour,  on  the  average  ;  that  is  to  say,  in  nine  thousand 
hours  of  married  life,  one  hundred  and  eighty-eight 
of  intimacy  I 

Cypr.     [Surprised.'}     Oh ! 

Des  Pr.  There  are  the  figures ! — And  besides,  a 
good  third  was  spent  in  squabbling  and  in  turning 
our  backs  to  each  other  I 

Cypr.  \^Leaning  against  his  shoitlder.'\  Yes,  but 
then — that  was  intimacy  ! 

Des  Pr.     All  right,  I'll   count  it   in.     Divide  by 

twelve — ^fifteen    and   a   fraction.      Therefore,   final 

V      result :     In  two  years  of  married  life  we  have  had 

fifteen   days  and  four  hours  of  intimacy  1      I  was 

four  hours  out  of  the  way! 


DIVORgONS.  99 

Cypr.  [^Bursting  out  with  laughter. '\  Ha,  ha  1 
No,  it  isn't  possible  I 

Des  Pr.     The  figures ! — 
Cypr,     Ha,  ha,  ha  1 
Des  Pr.     It  amuses  you  ? 

[Joseph  enters  with  a  platter  of  crawfish.  Seeing 
Cyprienne  in  Des  Prunelles'  lapy  he  advances 
with  caution,  places  the  platter  discreetly  at  Des 
Prunelles'  right  and  makes  off.  At  the  moment 
when  he  goes  out,  closing  the  door,  Des  Pru- 
nelles and  Cyprienne,  who  have  heard  him, 
turn  their  backs  on  the  door,  and  Des  Pru- 
nelles begins  his  computations  again."] 

Des  Pr.  We  can  establish  the  fact  without  ex- 
aggeration, can't  we,  that  love  had  its  three  good 
hours  a  week  ? 

Cypr.  [^Bursting  into  laughter.]  Ha,  ha  !  [^Em- 
bracing him.]     Oh  !  you  rogue  1  you're  so  funny  1 

\_A  sound  of  voices  is  heard  at  the  rear  door..     The  ^ 
voices  are  those  of  the  tvaiters,  who  are  trying  to 
prevent  Kdh^uxk  from  entering.] 

The  Waiters.  [Without.]  No,  Monsieur! — 
You  can't ! 

Adhe.     I  want  to  get  in  !— I  will  get  in  ! 

{^The  discussion  continues.] 

Des  Pr.     It's  Adhemar ! 

Cypr.  \fjimping  to  her  feet.]  Again!  Why, 
he's  a  regular  bore,  that  creature  ! 

Des  Pr.  [Risiiig.]  Hide  yourself  !  [He pushes 
Cyprienne  behind  the  folding  screen  and  shoves  the 
table  back  as  far  as  the  post  of  the  mantelpiece.] 

Cypr.     But  throw  him  out  for  good  and  all  this 


loo  DIVORgONS. 

time,  you  mustl  I'm  sick  of  this  1  \^She  seats  her- 
self in  the  arm-chair  up  against  the  screen.  At  the 
.  same  itistant  the  door  is  thrown  violently  open  and  Ad- 
_HEMAR  rushes  into  the  room,  fighting  off  the  waiters. 
The  rain  drips  from  hi^n,  and  water  from  the  umbrella 
wets  the  stage.  His  hair  and  mustache  are  in  dis- 
order.— During  what  follo^vs,  Cyprienne,  seated  at 
the  table  in  vie^o  of  the  audience,  eats  some  crawfish, 
then  dips  her  fingers  in  the  finger-bowl. '\ 

Des  Pr.  [Napkin  in  hand.'\  Well,  well,  what's 
the  meaning  of  this  ? 

Adhe.  [Extremely  hoarse."]  Monsieur — words 
fail  me 

Des  Pr.     Yes,  it's  annoying 1 

Adhe.  To  characterize  your  conduct !  I  have 
just  come  from  Aunt  Nicole's 

Des  Pr.     Ah  I     how  is  she  ? 

Adhe.  How  is  she  ?  She  is  no  more  ! '  [  With 
a  quick  movement,  he  throws  his  umbrella  under  his 
left  arm  atid  wets  Des  Prunelles,  Joseph  and  the 
under-waiterSy  who  wipe  themselves  off  with  their 
napkins.  ] 

Des  Pr.     Indeed  1  ^ 

^       Adhe.     Dead  three  months  ago  I 

Des  Pr.  Ah  1  I  didn't  know  it — Such  a  distant 
aunt — [He  makes  a  sign  to  Joseph  and  the  waiters  to 
retire.  ] 

Adhe.  [Opening  his  utnbrella  and  leaving  it  at 
left  to  dry.  ]  Three  miles,  going  and  coming  !  And 
no  carriage — !  And  no  Cyprienne  I  I  returned  to 
your  house  with  all  speed,  to  see  if  she  hadn't  come 
back.  And  all  I  found  there  was  your  Josepha  and 
your  Bastien,  who  were  eating  your  dinner  and  drink- 
ing your  Pomard  !  It  works  speedily,  your  Pomard  I 
When  they  saw  me,  those  blackguards  were  wal- 
lowing in   booze — especially  the  maid  !    *'  Looking 


DIVORgONS.  i^t 

for  Madame  ?      Oh  1  well,  if  you're  xunning  after 
Madame,  you're  a  fine  jack-ass^.'-'  : , ,  ; . 

Des  Pr.     Phew ! 

Adhe.  •'  Jackass !  "  That  word  was  an  eye- 
opener  !  I  rushed  back  to  the  Grand  Vatel.  I 
spoke  to  the  woman  downstairs,  at  the  foot  of  the 
staircase,  the  one  that  opens  the  oysters.  She 
knows  me  quite  well.  I  said :  "  Did  you  see 
Monsieur  Des  Prunelles  when  he  came  in  ?  "  "  Yes, 
Monsieur."  "  Was  there  a  lady  with  him  ? " 
"  Yes."  "  Describe  her,"  I  said.  "  Small,  plump, 
a  regular  quail."  [  Uttering  a  savage  cry.'\  Ah  ! 
"  Jackass "  is  explained  1  I  have  been  jobbed  1  / 
You  are  eating  here  together,  )-ou  and  she  !  This^/ 
is  disloyal,  you  turned  her  over  to  me;  and  you  are 
treading  our  agreement  under  foot ! 

Des  Pr.  \Stamnierhig  a  little  and  slightly  '■'■under 
the  influence." '\  My  dear  successor — consider  a 
minute  !     If  she  were  here — ! 

Adhe.     Behind  the  screen  ! 

[CvPRiENNE  gives  vent  to  a  little  laugh.'\ 

Des  Pr.  Why,  if  she  were  here,  she  would  now 
be  in  your  arms  ! 

Adhe.  Oh  !  a  man  never  knows.  Women  are 
like  weathervanes.  Perhaps  she  now  thinks  it 
amusing  to  deceive  me  with  your  assistance. 

Cypr.  [  Uttering  a  little  involuntary  cry  of  prot- 
estation.    Oh  ! — 

Adhe.  That  cry  I  She's  here!  \^He  rushes 
toward  the  screen.  ] 

Des  Pr.      [  Grabbing  him  by  the  tail  of  his  o'cer-      / 
coat  and  making  him pirouette.'\     Beg  pardon,  that's    ^ 
one  of  my  lady  friends. 

Adhe.     Exhibit  her  ! 

Des  Pr.     It's  not  the  proper  thing.  , 


xea  DiVORgONS. 

-^  ^DHS.    Have  her  talk,  then  I 
:  '.'©ksTr.  '  tTot.tha't-  either!      But  here's  what  I 
will  do.    And  I  consider  myself  very  accommodating 
to  suggest  this. 

Adhe.     What  ? 
^       Des  Pr.     Of  course  you  would  know  Cyprienne's 
charming  foot  when  you  saw  it  ? 

Adhe.     Would  I  ? 

Des  Pr.  All  right !  I  trust  Madame  will  be  so 
good  as  to  show  her  foot,  and  then  you  will  be 
satisfied — [^Approaching  the  scree  ft. '\  If  you  consent, 
Madame,  rap  on  your  plate.  [Cyprienne  raps 
gently  twice  on  her  plate  with  a  knife.  "^ 

Adhe.     Ah  1 

Des  Pr.  \_Standi?ig  ttp  against  the  screen.'\  Don*t 
move  I — Are  you  ready  ?  [  Adhemar,  at  left,  bends 
down  to  see  better ;  Des  Prunelles  also  bends  down 
against  the  screen.  Cyprienne,  on  the  other  side  of 
the  screen,  is  seated  on  the  chair.  Des  Prunelles  to 
Cyprienne.]  Kindly  have  the  goodness  to  cause 
your  shoe  to  glide  softly  along  the  edge  of  the  fold- 
ing screen  in  such  manner  as  to  make  it  appear 
outside  of  the  lower  board.  [Cyprienne  vet-y  quietly 
executes  the  movement  indicated  and  the  point  of  the 
shoe  is  Just  seen  outside  the  screen."]  That's  it  1  All 
right!  Sufficient.  [7^  Adhemar.]  Well — is  that 
her  foot  ? 

Adhe.     [  With  a  gesture  implying  despair."]     No! 

Des  Pr.   )  [Together.]      Ah!     [Cyprienne 

CvPR.  J  hastily  withdraws  her  foot,  executing 
a  kick  in  the  air  in  the  direction  ^Adhemar.] 

Adhe.  [Standing;  upright.]  Ah,  Madame — I 
am  ashamed  of  myself;  I  beg  your  pardon  1  [To 
Des  Prunelles,  shaking  hands  with  him  and  point- 
ing to  his  foot.]     My  compliments  I 

Des  Pr.     Thanks. 


DIVORgONS.  103 

Adhe.  [  Taking  up  his  umbrella  and  closing  it.  ] 
But  where  the  devil  is  that  woman,  then  ? 

Des  Pr.  Well,  say  1  that's  your  affair,  go  lock 
for  her ! 

Adhe.     I'm  dying  of  hunger  ;  I'll  go  and  get  a  ' 
cup  of  bouillon.     [^He  goes  up  toward  rear."] 

Des  Pr.  {^Bringing  him  back.  ]  Better  get  some 
of  that  balsam-fir  cough-medicine  instead ;  you're 
going  to  have  the  grippe. 

Adhe.  yAbout  to  sneeze."]  It's  horrible,  Mon- 
sieur, it's  horrible  I — [Zr<?  sneezes,  going  up  right.] — 
my  situation,  I  mean  !  Ever  since  she  is  mine,  she 
is  less  mine  than  when  she  wasn't  mine  1 

Des  Pr.     It  often  happens  that  way. 

Adhe.  [^At  the  rear  door.]  Did  you  say,  "  Bal- 
sam-fir ? " 

Des  Pr.     Boiling,  boiling  hot  I 

Adhe.  Thanks.  \^He  sneezes  and  goes  out.  Des 
Prunelles  shuts  the  door  after  him.] 

Des  Pr.     Heaven  bless  you  1 

CvpR.  \_Bursting  into  a  laugh  and  throwing 
open  the  screen.]  Well,  what  an  idiot!  What  an 
idiot  1     He  didn't  even  recognize  my  foot  I 

Des  Pr.  \^Gaily,  returning  to  her.]  That's  the 
way  one  is  deceived  in  these  gallants  1  [  Touching 
the  tip  of  her  foot.]  For  my  part,  that  was  the  first 
thing  I  admired  in  you. 

CvpR.  Oh,  goodness  me,  this  is  too  much  ! — And 
that  is  the  man  who  has  been  courting  me  for  four 
months ! 

Des  Pr.     \Laughi71g.]     There  you  are! 

Cypr.     \Crossing  to  left  and  sitting  down  on  the 
couch  with  a  laugh.     She  is  slightly  "  under  the  influ- 
ence."]    Well,   but   isn't  he   stupid?     Isn't — he — 
stupid  ?     [^Tapping  on  the  cushion.]    Is  it  permissible  "^ 
to  be  as  stupid  as  that  ? 


104  DIVORgONS. 

Des  Pr.     The  fact  stares  you  in  the  face. 

Cypr.  Hm  I  do  you  think  that  it  will  be  a 
pleasure  to  deceive  that  fellow  ? 

Des  Pr.  \^Going  to^vard  her.']  Certainly — some 
day! 

CvpR.     Some  day  I     Hm,  right  off  I 

Des  Pr.     What  1 

Cypr.  Why,  merely  on  having  the  idea  !  You'll 
admit  he  deserves  it  ? 

Des  Pr.  Certainly,  if  our  roles  were  to  be  ex- 
changed, and  I  were  the  lover ? 

Cypr.     Yes  ?  -do  you  think  so  ? 

Des  Pr.  {Seating  himself  close  to  her  on  the  couch.  ] 
Eh  ?  do  you  think  so  ?  he  the  husband  and  I  the 
lover ! 

Cypr.     Yes. — Oh,  la,  la. 

Both.     [  With  an  energetic  gesture.  ]     Ah  1 

Des  Pr.  \^Putting  his  arm  round  her.]  With 
\nutual  transport,  one  for  the  other ! 

CvpR.     \_Seizing  his  arm.]     Yes,  yes  I 

Des  Pr.  \_Zettinggo.]  In  place  of  the  weariness 
\hat  now  separates  us  ! 

CvpR.  Weariness  1  You  can't  be  so  fatigued 
as  all  that  from  your  twenty-six  days 

Des  Pr.     I  am  speaking  only  of  you  I 
^     Cypr.     But    I'm    not   tired   of   anything   except 
Adhemar  1      [She  crosses  to  left  of  the  couch  and  sits 
down  at  the  piano,  singing  and  playing  : 

"  '  Twas  hardly  worth  the  troublenient 
To  make  this  change  in  the goveminent."'\ 


[The  original  has 

"C  n'aait] 
De  change 

The  words  are  from  a  famous  French  chanson.] 


"  C  n'^tait  pas  la  peine  assur^ment 
De  changer  de  gouvemement. " 


DIVORgONS.  105 

Des  Pr.  [^Kneeling  on  the  right  side  0/ the  couch.'\ 
Take  care.  He  may  be  somewhere  around  here 
taking  his  cup  of  bouillon  1 

Cypr.  With  his  umbrella !  [^Bursting  into  a 
laugh.']  Ha,  ha,  ha!  Oh,  my  heart  1  \Exhausted, 
she  reclines  on  the  piano  with  her  elbows.] 

Des  Pr.  \Seated  on  the  couch:]  What  is  it  that 
makes  you  laugh  ? 

Cypr.  [  Without  looking  at  him.  ]  Nothing,  an 
idea,  a  silly  thought !  something  that  can't  be  said. 
[^She  plays  a  very  tender  waltz  tune.] 

Des  Pr.  [After  two  or  three  measures  of  the  air, 
without  looking  at  her.]  And  then  it  wouldn't  be 
on  the  square ! 

Cypr.  \^Still  playing.]  It  wouldn't  be  on  the 
square. 

Des  Pr.  For  at  present,  you  know,  you  are  no 
longer  mine. 

Cypr.  [Allured  by  her  idea  and  continuing  to  play.] 
That's  so  1 

Des  Pr.     That  sort  of  thing  is  denied  us  1 

Cypr.  [Who  now  plays  with  but  one  hand.] 
Denied  ? 

Des  Pr.     It  is  forbidden  ! 

Cypr.       Hastily.]       Forbidden  ?        [She    stops  '• 
playitig.] 

Des  Pr.     It  would  be  a  transgression — a  crime ! 

Cypr.  [  Turning  quickly  around  on  the  piano 
stool  and  finding  herself  face  to  face  with  Des  Pru- 
NELLES,  but  separated  from  him  by  the  couch.]  A 
crime  ?     Do  you  think  so  ?     It  would  be  a  crime  ? 

Des  Pr.  Cyprienne,  don't  look  at  me  that  way  I 
[He  turns  around  on  the  couch,  facing  the  public] 

Cypr.  [Rising.]  Heavens,  I'm  warm  1  My 
mouth  is  burning  up  with  your  old  crawfish  I  [She 
goes  to  the  table  at  rear,  takes  a  bunch  of  raisins  and 


io6  DIVORgONS. 

returns  to  Des  Prunelles,  behind  the  couch,  eating 
the  raisins.^  Oh,  how  good  these  are  ! — So  you 
^  think  it  would  be  altogether  abominable,  do  you  ? 

Des  Pr.     Oh,  Lord,  yes ! 

Cypr.  \^A/ter  having  taken  a  raisin  for  herself 
and  placing  one  in  his  tnouth.~\  Here,  darling  I — It 
would  be  very  bad — very  bad  I  Are  you  quite 
sure  ? 

Des  Pr.     \Resting  his  head  on   the  back   of  the 

effUCh.y     Oh,  CVPRIENNE  1 

CvPR.  \Same  by-play,  eyes  fixed  on  eyes.]  Here, 
my  love! 

Des  Pr.  Deceive  that  man  ?  Oh  !  [She  puts 
her  arm  round  his  neck.  A  sound  of  voices  without, 
at  rear.]     Hey  ? 

Adhe.  [^Without.]  You  are  inside  there,  Ma- 
dame !  I  have  recognized  your  voice  !  but  I  shall 
have  my  revenge  I  Tremble  1  tremble  !  Vengeance 
approaches ! 

Des  Pr.     Vengeance  ? 

Waiters.  [Dragging  Adhemar  away.]  Quick, 
quick  1  let's  get  him  out  of  here  I 

Adhe.     But  it's  my  wife  1 

The  Voices.  To  the  guard-house  with  him  1 
[The  Voices  are  lost  in  the  distance.] 

Des  Pr.  They're  gone  1  [^A  rapping  on  the  door 
at  rear.  ] 

Cypr.     Someone  is  rapping  I 

Des  Pr.     Someone  rapping  ? 

Joseph.     [Without.]     Monsieur  I 

Cypr.     It's  the  waiter ! 

Des  Pr.     The  waiter?     [He goes  up.] 

Joseph.  [Rapping  at  the  door.]  Open  quick, 
Monsieur ! 

Des  Pr.  [Holding  the  door  ajar  for  Joseph,  who 
is  half  concealed  from  the  audience.]     What  is  it  ? 


DIVORgONS.  107 

Joseph.  A  policeman  is  taking  him  to  the  guard- 
house opposite,  but  maybe  they  will  come  back.  If 
Madame,  in  order  to  disguise  herself,  would  change 
clothes  with  me — 

[^Gestures  of  refusal  on  the  part  ^Cyprienne,  who 
has  run  to  the  window.'] 

Des  Pr.     No.     \^He pushes  the  waiter  out.'\ 

Joseph.     They  do  such  things  in  Paris,  Monsieur ! 

Des  Pr.  No,  no,  thanks!  \^He  doses  the  door, 
locks  it,  and  goes  to  the  table  to  pour  himself  out  a 
glass  of  champagne.~\ 

Cypr.  \Standing  on  the  chair  to  look  out  of  the 
7vindow  and  latighitig  loudly. '\  Oh,  it's  true!  The 
policeman  is  taking  him  away !  Ha,  ha  1  the  rain 
is  dripping  off  him  1  He's  a  regular  gutter  I  Ha, 
ha  1  how  funny  he  is  that  way  !     And  ugly  ! 

Des  Pr.  \_Glass  in  hand,  going  to  Cyprienne.] 
Isn't  he? 

Cvpr.  Good  Lord,  how  homely  he  is !  \As  she 
jumps  do7vn  from  the  chair  she  falls  into  Des  Pru- 
nelles'  arms. 

Des  Pr.  That's  nice — all  the  champagne  on  my 
suit. 

Cvpr.  Oh,  my  poor  boy!  Now!  [She  starts  to 
wipe  it  off  with  her  handkerchief  ]      There  1 

Des  Pr.     It  will  be  better  to  place  it  before  the     / 
fire.     \_She  helps  him   take   off  his  coat,  one  of  th£\/ 
sleeves  of  which  turns  back.  ] 

Cypr.     \^Taking  the  coat.]     Give  it  tome.     \_She 
places  the  coat  on  the  arm-chair  in  front  of  the  chimney.  J 
Oh  1  that  fire!     I'm  suffocating!     \She  undoes  the ^ 
upper  part  of  her  corsage.] 

Des  Pr.  Revenge  himself — for  what?  What 
does  it  all  mean  ?  a  duel  ? 


I08  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  \^Running  up  to  him.']  A  duel  I  I  forbid 
you  to  fight,  do  you  hear  ? 

Des  Pr.     But 

Cypr.  \_  Set  zing  him  in  her  arms.~\  I  don't  want 
you  to  fight ! — He  might  kill  you  ! 

Des  Pr.     Nonsense ! 

Cypr.  And  for  him — for  that  man — oh,  heavens, 
that  man  ! — How  could  it  have  been  possible  ?  I 
didn't  see  him  as  he  is — I  was  insane!  \^FaUing 
upon  the  couch.'\  Oh,  1  am  grievously  to  blame! 
\^She  turns  quickly  toward  Des  Prunelles,  who  is 
standing  near  her,  gazing  at  the  door  at  rear;  she 
seizes  his  arm  and  causes  him  to  fall  on  his  knees 
before  her.]  Fall  at  my  feet,  unhappy  man,  and 
beg  my  forgiveness  I — 

Des  Pr.     Hey  ? 

Cypr.  — For  having  cast  me  into  the  arms  of 
that  idiot,  and  wanting  to  make  him  my  husband  I 

Des  Pr.     \_0n  his  knees,  thunderstruck.]    But 

Cypr.     Why,  he  is  odious,  do  you   understand  } 

\  He  is  ridiculous,  he  is  ugly,  he  is  stupid,  your  Ad- 

^  hemar  !     Why,   I  hate  him,  I  want  you  to  know  1 

'"■■'  And  I  don't  love  anybody  but  you!     Tell   me  that 

you  love  me  still,  more  and  more,  forever !     Say  it 

quick  1 

Des  Pr.     I 

Cypr.  And  that  you  repent  having  thrown  me 
off!  And  that  you  will  never  leave  me  again  1 
Never  1  never  1  never  ! 

Des  Pr.     Never!     I 

Cypr.  That's  enough  !  you  are  repentant  I  I 
will  forget  everything!  I  forgive  you!  Come  to 
my  arms  !     I  adore  you ! 

[Three  knocks  are  heard  at  the  door.] 
A  Voice.     Open,  in  the  name  of  the  law  1 


DIVORgONS.  109 

Cypr.  [To  Des  Prunelles.]  The  police! 
[  Terror-stricken.']     Why  ? 

Des  Pr.  \Rising.~\  Who  knows  ?  Outrage 
against  pubUc  decency — scandal  in  a  place  of  public 
entertainment — ! 

Cypr.     Ah  I 

Police  Officer.  [Without.]  You  refuse  to 
open  ? 

CvPR.  [Noticing  the  disorder  of  her  toilette.]  Don't 
open  ! — I'm  done  for! — Wait  a  minute,  your  coat  1 
[She  goes  to  the  fireplace  and  thro^os  him  hts  coat.'] 

Officer.  [  Without.]  Open,  or  I'll  have  the 
door  broken  in  I  [  Cyprienne  conceals  herself  behind 
the  screen?^ 

Des  Pr.  I'm  coming,  I'm  coming  !  [He  goes  up 
and  unlocks  the  door.  The  police  enter  quickly .  Two 
policemen  enter  behind  the  principal  officer  and  take 
their  places  at  rear,  right.  Joseph  and  the  other 
waiters  stand  at  rear,  left.  AnHEUAR^with  his  um- 
brella, passes  behind  them  and  appears  between  the 
piano  and  the  couch.  In  the  vestibule  behind  the  door 
are  some  onlookers,  etc.] 

Des  Pr.  [Stupefied,  trying  to  put  on  his  coat.] 
Monsieur  le  Commissaire,  I  beg  your  pardon 

Officer.  [  Quickly , pointing  to  the  table,  which  is  , 
in  disorder?^  Monsieur,  you  are  here  with  a  woman  !  ^ 
Don't  deny  it ! 

Des  Pr.     Yes,    Monsieur    le    Commissaire — my  ^ 
wife. 

Officer.  Your  wife  ! — Well,  we'll  see  about  that. 
[Pointing  to  Adhemar,  who  comes  down  left.]  Mon- 
sieur here  has  been  making  such  an  uproar  that  he 
was  brought  before  me,  and  he  claims,  to  justify 
himself,  that  you  are  here  with  his  wife  ! 

Des  Pr.  Adhemar  I  [He  bursts  out  laughing. 
All  present  look  at  Adhemar  with  compassion.] 


no  DIVORgONS. 

Adhe.  lAsu/g.]  Deceiving  the  police,  that  means 
two  months  in  jail ;  but  that  makes  no  difference  to 
me,  I've  spoiled  their  orgy. 

Des  Pr.  Well,  that's  good ;  that  certainly  is 
good!  Just  think,  my  love.  [Ta/h'fi^  fo  Cypriehne 
over  the  screen^  Did  you  hear  that  ?  Adhemar 
your  husband  !  [Cvprienne's  hands  are  seen  above 
the  screen  as  she  raises  them  to  heaven  in  token  of  pro- 
test^ Look,  Monsieur  le  Commissairel  She  writhes 
at  the  thought  1     Observe  her  gestures  I 

Officer.  They  are  indecent,  just  like  your  ap- 
pearance 1     Fix  your  sleeve  1 

Des  Pr.  All  right,  let's  fix  everything,  Monsieur 
le  Commissaire.     The  real  husband  is  myself  1 

Officer.  You  are  adding  imprudence  to  out- 
rage. 

Des  Pr.     But,  holy  Moses  ! 

Officer.  And  no  cursing !  Respect  the  serv- 
ants of  the  law  I 

Des  Pr.     But— ! 

Officer.  Silence  1  [Des  Prunelles,  intimi- 
dated, finishes  putting  on  his  coat  and  reaches  the  ex- 
treme right.  The  Officer  to  Adhemar,  with 
thoughtfulness  and  compassion?^  Monsieur,  I  am 
about  to  question  Madame —  Perhaps  it  would  be 
better  for  you  to  be  absent  a  moment. — This  folding- 
screen —  [Adhemar  holds  his  handkerchief  to  his 
eyes,  then  wipes  his  face  sorrowfuUy.'\  The  probable 
condition  in  which 

Adh£.  [/«  a  faint  voice  in  which  hoarseness  takes 
th£  place  of  emotion.]  No,  Monsieur  1  I  will  be 
strong !  thanks  1 

Officer.  [After  a  gesture  of  consent,  turning 
toward  the  screen  and  tapping  on  the  frame  with  his 
cane.  ]     Madame ! 

Cypr.     \_Behind  the  screen.]     Monsieur  ? 


DIVORgONS.  in 

Officer.     Are  you  presentable  ? 

Cypr.  {^Opening  the  screen?^  Certainly,  Mon- 
sieur I  \She  comes  out,  with  her  hair  somewhat  dis- 
arranged and  her  corsage  buttoned  the  wrong  way. — 
Slight  sensation.  ] 

Adhe.  Ah  !  faithless  woman  I  \^He  falls  back  on 
the  couch.  Joseph  places  a  bottle  of  vinegar  to  his 
nose.  The  other  waiters  fold  the  screen  against  the 
wall.] 

Des  Pr.  {^Rising.]  Well,  this  certainly  is  too 
ridiculous,  that  a  man  and  his  wife 

Officer.     [  Going  to  him.]     Be  silent   you ! 

Des  Pr.  \/ntimidated  by  theVo-LiCEU^^.]  Free 
speech  is  prohibited !  That's  the  way  they  treat 
us!  [He  sinks  back  into  the  chair  in  front  of  the 
table.] 

Officer.  [To  Cyprienne.]  Madame,  you  will 
recognize  the  fact  that  you  have  been  found  here 
with  Monsieur,  under  conditions  which  do  not  permit 
one  to  doubt  that  your  relations  with  him  are —  ? 

Cypr.     Of  continual,  Monsieur  1 

Onlookers.     [Shocked.]     Oh ! 

Officer.  [72?  Adhemar,  speaking  to  him  behind 
Cyprienne,  who  separates  the  two.]  Take  heart, 
Monsieur.  \^Same  action,  looking  in  front  of  CwKi- 
enne.]  Take  heart.  [  71?  Cyprienne. j  Well,  then, 
you  admit  it? 

Cypr.  \_Fointing  to  Des  Prunelles.]  There's 
my  husband ! 

Officer.  [Ironically.]  Ah  1  you  also  make  that 
pretence,  do  you  ?  But  in  that  case,  if  Monsieur 
there  is  your  husband — [Pointing  to  Adhemar.] — 
who  is  Monsieur  here  ? 

Cypr.     He?     An  imbecile! 

Adhe.  [Handing  the  bottle  to  Joseph  and  getting 
up.]     Ah  1  Cyprienne  1 


112  DIVORgONS. 

Cypr.  Don't  come  near  me,  you!  I'll  scratch 
your  eyes  out  I 

Officer.     And  you  say  this  is  not  your  husband  ? 

Cypr.  Why,  yonder's  my  husband.  There  he 
is !  the  man  I  love !  [  She  tries  to  rush  into  Des 
Prunelles'  arms.'] 

Officer.  \Placing  himself  in  front  of  her  and 
ford7ig  her  toward  the  extreme  left.]  Such  barefaced 
impudence ! 

Des  Pr.  [Exasperated,  rising.^  Why,  officer, 
are  you  blind  ?  Anyone  can  tell  you  she's  my  wife. 
Listen:  in  room  No.  ii,  there  are  friends  of  mine. 
[Officer  turns  to  Joseph.] 

Joseph.     Gone  I 

Des  Pr.     My  luck  ! 

Officer.  \^To  another  Policeman.]  Hurry  out 
and  bring  up  a  cab  for  Madame,  so  that  we  can  go 
to  the  station  and  draw  up  the  charges. 

Joseph.  Why,  there's  a  thousand  people  in  front 
of  the  cafe  ! 

Cypr.     [  Weeping.]     Oh  !  before  the  crowd  I 

Des  Pr.  Like  a  pair  of  criminals !  [  They  rush 
to7vard  each  other,  meet  in  center  stage,  and  fall  into 
each  other's  arms."] 

Officer.  [Beside  himself  with  rage.]  Well, 
separate  them,  will  you  ?     They  are  mad  1 

y  [The  two  assisting  VohiCKwe.^  lay  hold  of  "D^s  V^v- 
NELLES.  The  Officer  tries  to  get  Cyprienne 
away  from  her  embrace  of  T>Es  Prunelles.] 

Cypr.  [Clinging fast  to  Des  TRVifELhES.]  No  I 
With  him !     Unto  death  1 

Des  Pr.  With  her  1  [  They  are  forcibly  sepa- 
rated, j 


DIVORQONS.  113 

Cypr.  \_Furious.'\  Robbers  1  Cut-throats!  \^Sh€ 
sinks  exhausted  on  the  cojich.'\ 

Des  Pr.  {At  rear,  right.]  Why,  this  is  idiotic  I 
It  is  unspeakable  !  And  within  a  few  steps  of  the 
official  who  married  us !  I'll  run  and  get  him  1  [Ife 
profits  by  the  open  door  rushing  out  at  rear.] 

Officer.     Stop  him ! 

,  (.  S^Kushi7ig  after  him  and  shouting.] 

wl^ERS.  \       S^°P'     Stop  him  1] 

Cypr.  Henri!  Wait  for  me  1  \^She  makes  an 
attempt  to  follow  him.] 

Officer.  {Barring  her  egress.]  No,  Madame, 
nol  You  will  not  follow  him!  {The  other  Voiac^- 
MAN  has  opened  the  door  of  the  closet.  ]     Go  in  there  1 

Adhe.     \_Supplicating^     Cyprienne ! 

Cypr.  {Crossing  in  front  of  the  Otticu^.]  Don't 
come  near  me — or  I'll  box  your  ears ! 

Adhe.     Oh,  Cyprienne  1     Forgive  and  forget ! 

Cypr.  Take  tliat,  you  scoundrel !  \^She  gives 
him  a  violefit  slap  and  goes  into  the  closet.] 

Adhe.  {^Pirouetting  and  falling  on  the  couch.] 
Oh! 

Officer.  [  While  the  Policeman  locks  the  closet 
door.  Monsieur,  that  will  be  included  in  the  charge. 
We  must  catch  the  other  one!  \^He  rushes  toward 
the  entrance  door,  followed  by  the  Policeman  and  by 
Adhemar,  who  holds  his  hand  to  his  cheek.  They  go 
out.  ] 

Des  Pr.     [^He-entering  by  the  door  at  right ,  fol- 
lowed at  a  short  distance  by  Joseph,  the  second  Po- 
liceman   and    the    Waiters.     Failed !     Tracked !     , 
{He  is  surrounded.  ]     I  surrender  1     Put  down  your  v 
guns  ! 

Joseph.  We  must  lock  him  in  I  {Ife  pushes  tht 
couch  and  goes  to  the  door  of  the  closet.] 


114 


DIVORgONS. 


J 


J 


Waiters.     Yes,  you  must  lock  him  in  1 

Des  Pr.     \Crossing  in  front  of  the  waiter sT^ 
Don't  touch  me ! 

Joseph,  There,  in  the  closet  1  \^He  opens  the 
door.  ] 

Des  Pr.  I'll  go  ! — But  don't  touch  me  ! — Don't 
touch  me,  or  I'll  box  your  ears  1/  \He  enters  the 
closet  where  Cyprienne  is  already  concealed.^ 

Joseph.  {Locking  the  door,  ]  There !  that  will 
keep  him  quiet ! — Where  is  the  woman  ? 

All.     \Looking.'\     Disappeared  1 

Joseph.  Skipped  I  Let's  run  after  her!  \They 
are  about  to  rush  out.~\ 

Officer. 

Adhemar. 

First  Policeman. 

Joseph. 

Waiters. 

Second  Policeman.  ) 

Officer.     We  have  the  woman  1 
The  man  also,  then  I 
\Pointing  to  the  closet  door.'\ 


J 


Joseph. 

Officer. 
there  ! 

Joseph. 

Officer. 

Joseph. 

Officer. 

All. 

Adhe 

All. 
wife  ? 

Adhe 


[Entering  by  the  door  at 
right. '\  The  man — where 
is  he  ? 

y  The  woman — where  is  she  ? 


She  is  in 


\Same  gesture."]     He  is  in  there  1 

[Correcting.']     She — 1 
[Same  tone.]     He — 1 
Both,  then  1  *• 

[Looking  toward  the  closet.  ]     Together  1 
[Forgeting  himself.]     With  his  wife  ? 
[Turning    suddenly   toward    him,]      His 


[He 


[Terrifed.]     Caught  I     I  must  skip. 
rushes  out  through  the  door  at  right. 

Officer.  Arrest  him  I  arrest  that  scoundrel  1 
[All  the  policemen  and  all  the  waiters  rush  after  Ad- 
hemar.    Alone.]     His  wife  1     Why,  in  that  case — 


DIVORgONS.  IIS 

my  conduct — Great  Scott !  A  thing  that  I  ought  to 
encourage — [  Going  to  the  closet  door  and  unlocking 
//.]  A  thousand  pardons,  Monsieur  1  Why,  you 
have  done  nobly.  Monsieur,  nobly  I  You  are  in  the 
right  I  Marriage  combined  with  love  T'  [Des  Pru- 
NELLES  half  opens  the  door  and  reaches  out  his  hand, 
offering  it  to  the  officer. '\  My  compliments,  Monsieur  1 
Keep  right  on  !  keep  right  on  ! 

Des  Pr.  [Coming  out  with  his  wife,  who  has  put 
on  her  hat  and  cloak.  ]  Permit  me  to  present  to  you 
Madame  Des  Prunelles ! 

Officer.  Ah,  Madame  !  Ah,  Monsieur  I  What 
excuses  can  I  offer  ? 

All.  [Bringing  Adhemar  back,  rear.]  Here  he 
is  ! — We've  got  him  1 

Officer.  As  for  you,  Monsieur,  who  have  made 
a  mockery  of  the  majesty  of  the  law 

Cypr.  Ah,  Monsieur  le  Commissaire,  let  him 
off,  I  entreat  you  I 

Des  Pr.     The  savior  of  our  conjugal  bliss  1 

Officer.  Very  well,  I  will  do  it  to  please  you 
and  to  win  forgiveness  for  myself.  [To  the  police- 
man.]     Monsieur  is  free. 

Adhe.  [To  himself]  Just  what  I  counted  on  I 
[Music.  ] 

Des  Pr.  [Going  to  Adhemar,  in  a  whisper.] 
Keep  your  mouth  shut,  you  blackguard  !  or  I'll 
have  you  jailed  for  spreading  a  false  report !  [Holds 
the  telegram  before  Adhemar's  nose.] 

Adhe.  [Same  tone.]  You  knew  about  the 
telegram  ? 

Des  Pr.  {Same  tone.]  Bet  your  life  1 — And  now, 
my  beautiful  friend,  you'll  admit  that  you  haven't 
got  the  ability 

Adhe.  Apparently  not —  But  to-morrow  some 
other  chap ! 


ii6  DIVORgONS. 

Des  Pr.  Pooh  I  to-morrow  I'll  find  some  other 
scheme.  [  To  Cyprienne.]  What  makes  him  rub 
his  cheek  that  way  ? 

Cypr.  \_Laughing  as  she  passes  in  front  of  the  of- 
ficer.'] Oh!  that's  my  work!  [^Makes  the  approp- 
riate gesture.] 

Des  Pr.  A  slap  ?  You  gave  him  a  slap  ? 
[Making  her  pass  in  front  of  him,  severely.]  You 
must  make  amends  for  it ! 

[Adhemar,  expectant,  takes  his  hand  from  the  sore 
spot ;  Cyprienne  looks  at  Adhemar's  cheek  and 
kisses  her  hushand^s,  then  she  takes  Des  Pru- 
nelles'  arm  and  bows  politely  to  the  Officer.] 

Both.     [Bowing.]     Monsieur  le  Commissaire  I 
Officer.     [Bowing.]     Keep  right  on,  Monsieur, 
keep  right  on ! 

[Adhemar  has  dropped  into  the  chair  at  right.  Joseph 
rubs  his  cheek  with  a  napkin  dipped  in  a  glass  of 
water,  and  the  curtain  falls  at  the  moment  when 
Des  Prunelles  and  his  7vife  go  out,  with  an 
air  of  great  gaiety,  between  the  policemen  and  the 
waiters,  who  salute  them  respectfully.] 

CURTAIN. 


Hageman^s  Make-Up  Book 

By  MAURICE  HAGEMAN 

Price>  25  cents 

The  importance  of  an  effective!  make-up  Is  becoming  more  appar* 
ent  to  the  professional  actor  every  year,  but  hiitherto  there  has  been 
no  booii  on  the  subject  describing  tlie  modern  methods  and  at  tha 
same  time  covering  all  branches  of  the  art.  This  want  has  now 
been  filled.  Mr.  Hageman  has  had  an  experience  of  twenty  years 
a.'j  actor  and  stage-manager,  and  liis  well-known  literary  ability  lias 
e^iabled  him  to  put  the  knowledge  so  gained  into  shape  to  be  of 
use  to  others.  The  book  is  an  encyclopedia  of  tlie  art  of  making  up. 
Every  branch  of  the  subject  is  exhaustively  treated,  and  few  ques- 
tions can  be  asked  by  professional  or  amateur  tliat  cannot  be  an- 
swered by  this  admirable  band-book.  It  is  not  only  the  best  make- 
up book  ever  publislied,  but  it  is  not  likely  to  be  superseded  by 
any  other.    It  is  absolutely  indispensable  to  every  ambitious  actor 

CONTENTS 

Chapter  I.     General  Remarks. 

Chapter  II.     Grease-Paints,  their  origin,  components  and  uso. 

Chapter  III.  The  Make-up  Box.  Grease-Paints,  Mirrors,  Face 
PoA'der  and  Puff,  Exora  Cream,  Rouge.  Liquid  Color,  Grenadine, 
Blue  for  the  Eyelids,  Brilliantine  for  the  Hair,  Nose  Putty,'  Wig 
I'aste,  Mascaro,  Crape  Hair,  Spirit  Gum,  Scissors.  Artists'  Stomps. 
Cold  Cream,  Cocoa  Butter,  Recipes  for  Cold  Cream. 

Chapter  IV.  Preliminaries  before  Making  up;  the  Straight  Make- 
up and  how  to  remove  it. 

Chapter  V.  Remarks  to  Ladies.  Liquid  Creams,  Rouge.  Lips, 
Eyebrows,  Eyelashes.  Character  Roles,  Jewelry,  Removing  Make-up. 

Chapter  VI.  Juveniles.  Straight  Juvenile  Make-up,  baciety 
Men,  Young  Men  in  111  Health,  witii  Red  Wigs,  Rococo  Make-up, 
Hands,  Wrists,  Cheeks,  etc. 

Chapter  VII.  Adults,  Middle  Aged  and  Old  Men.  Ordinary  Type 
of  Manhood,  Lining  Colors,  Wrinldes,  Rouge,  Sickly  and  Healthy 
Old  Age,  Ruddy  Complexions. 

Chapter  VIII.  Comedy  and  Character  Make-ups.  Comedy  Ef- 
fects,  Wigs.  Beards,  Eyebrows,   Xoscs.   Lips.  Pallor  of  Death. 

Chapter  IX.  The  Human  Features.  The  Mouth  and  Lips,  the 
Eyes  and  Eyelids,  the  Nose,  the  Chin,  tlie  Ear,  the  Teetli. 

Chapter  X.     Other  Exposed   Parts  of  the   Human  Anatomy. 

Chapter  XI.  Wigs,  Beards,  Moustaches,  and  Eyebrows.  Clioosing 
a  Wig,  Powdering  the  Hair,  Dimensions  for  Wigs,  Wig  Bands,  Bald 
Wigs.  Ladies'  Wigs,  Beards  on  Wire,  on  Gauze.  Crape  Hair,  Wool, 
Beards  for  Tramps,  Moustaches,  Eyebrows. 

Chapter  XII.  Distinctive  and  Traditional  Characteristics.  North 
American  Indians,  New  England  Farmers,  Hoosiers.  Southerners. 
Poiiticians,  Cowboys,  Minors.  Quakers,  Tramps,  Creoles,  Mulattoes, 
Quadroons,  Octoroons.  Negroes.  Soldiers  during  War.  Soldiers  dur- 
ing Peace,  Scouts,  Pathfinders,  Puritans.  Early  Dutch  Settlers, 
Englishmen,  Scotchm.en,  Irishmen,  Frenchmen,  Italians,  Spaniards, 
Portuguese,  South  Americans,  Scandii;aviars.  Germans,  Hollanders. 
Hungarians,  Gipsies,  Russians,  Turks,  Arabs.  Moors.  Caflirs.  Abya 
sinians,  Hindoos,  Malays,  Cliinese.  Japawese.  Clowns  and  Statuary 
Hebrews,   Drunkards,    Lunatics,    Idiots,    Misers,    Rogues. 

Address  Orders  to 
rHE  DRAMATIC  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 

CHICAGO    Pi-JfJOJS 


■oi^^-fnvT.  8ERVTCF  ~  - 

PLAYS 

And  Entertainment  Books. 

JjjEING  the  largest  theatrical  booksettei«  in 
>^  the  United  States,  we  keep  in  stock  the  most 
complete  and  best  assorted  lines  of  plays  and  en- 
tertainment books  to  be  found  anywhere. 

We  can  supply  any  play  or  book  pub- 
lished. We  have  issued  a  catalogue  of  the  best 
plays  and  entertainment  books  published  in 
America  and  England.  It  contains  a  full 
description  of  each  play,  giving  number  of  char- 
acters, time  of  playing,  scenery,  costumes,  etc. 
This  catalogue  will  be  sent  free  on  application. 

The  plays  described  are  suitable  for  ama- 
teurs and  professionals,  and  nearly  all  of  them 
may  be  played  free  of  royalty.  Persons  inter- 
ested in  dramatic  books  should  examine  our  cat- 
alogue before  ordering  elsewhere. 

We  also  carry  a  full  line  of  grease  paints, 
face  powders,  hair  goods,  and  other  "make-up" 
materials. 

The  Dramatic  Publishing  Company 
CHICAGO 


University  of  California 

SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 

405  Hilgard  Avenue,  Los  Angeles,  CA  90024-1388 

Return  this  material  to  the  library 

from  which  it  was  borrowed. 


Uiiiv( 

So 

I 


